Our Kiddos' Family Tree

We recently watched the Daniel Tiger episode about family trees. We had seen it before, but this was the first time that Eli and Maddie seemed to understand it more, and they immediately started asking if we could make their family tree. We have talked with them about their origins since they were born, sharing with them their unique story of embryo adoption. But of course, we have only shared what we feel like they can understand, and even then we aren't sure what their little brains process.

They know they are adopted, which to them, at this age, means they were wanted and loved and prayed for; Mommy and Daddy picked them out {I'm still working on that terminology, as I don't want them to feel like a product we picked in the store...but again, we're trying to use terms they understand right now}. They know that they were frozen as itty bitty embryos, waiting for Mommy and Daddy to meet them. We have books that we read that talk about baby seeds, or even cupcake ingredients, to help explain embryo donation and adoption. 

They know that Mommy and Daddy wanted a baby to grow our family, but that we needed help from doctors and another family for that to happen. We have talked about the basics of how the doctor put Eli and Maddie and Aiden into Mommy's belly, and that they grew there until we got to meet them and say hello. We don't talk about it every day, but the goal is that they always know their story, that they can't ever pinpoint a specific time that we told them, but rather, that they just always knew.

But beyond telling them that a very generous and sweet donor family helped Mommy and Daddy, we haven't talked about the specifics of their genetic family {names, relationships, etc}. So when they asked to make their own family tree, I knew it was time to get more specific. I sketched a rough family tree {so no judgment on execution haha}, and I still need to work on how we want to represent both their genetic and adoptive families. But I told them the names of their genetic family, the fact that they have another brother and sister, and I re-emphasized how generous and kind they were to help Mommy and Daddy. 

I have blocked out names for anonymity...obviously :)

I have to say that I was a little nervous about this. Not because I'm nervous about them knowing their genetic family; I earnestly pray that the Lord allows them to meet and have a relationship with them one day. But because I feel so nervous about getting it right. I worry about saying the wrong things, confusing them, or not adequately creating a space where they feel comfortable sharing their true feelings. Part of that comes from reading stories from donor conceived persons; and that's a whole other post for another day. But I am trying to learn what I can from this community, while also keeping in mind that the children of embryo adoption are just now becoming adults {so experiences may be shared, but could be different}. There is a lot of gross misconduct in the fertility/donor conception world, with practically zero accountability, and unfortunately it's the children that suffer. So there is understandably a lot of pain. And the last thing I would want to do is cause my kiddos' unnecessary pain. 

So I listen and learn and pray. And try to push past the uncomfortable and the nerves to answer questions and have the hard conversations, avoiding the temptation to gloss over or de-emphasize any part of their story. We recognize that their origins will always be a part of who they are and may help shape who they become, but we pray that they each ultimately find their identity securely in Christ alone.

For today, they were content with having a picture to hang on the fridge, and repeat the names of their genetic family. And that was it. No others questions. They really just wanted the drawing of their family tree like Daniel Tiger :)  But the conversation is started, and we continue sharing, explaining, helping as much as we can. We do truly believe {and know, based on our correspondence with their genetic family, and of course our own feelings haha}, that our kiddos are deeply loved and wanted. And nothing will every change that. 

Our Angel Babies

For the past couple of years, I have taken some time on this day to remember our babies in heaven. It is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, so it's fitting to pause and remember the sweet ones we lost too soon. These sweet babies, lost during pregnancy or soon after birth, are affectionately called "Angel Babies."

A few months ago, I was having a conversation with a couple of women, and the subject of miscarriage came up, as one of the women had recently had one. We talked about how it is more common than most people think, realizing that each of us had experienced this loss. One of the women, knowing our story, turned to me and asked, "you have lost, what? Six?" And I quietly corrected her and said "seven." 

Seven.

We have lost seven babies. I knew how many we had lost, but for some reason, it really hit me in that moment. Actually saying it out loud in conversation just seemed to register an extra twinge of grief in my heart. That was seven babies we had hoped and prayed for and wanted, but never got to meet. Seven little lives that we loved and wanted to parent, but for some reason that only Jesus knows, we had to say goodbye before we even really got to say hello.

Now I understand that many of our losses were very early, and would probably not even be considered actual miscarriages by most people. We lost some of our embryos to the thawing process and some just did not implant {so therefore we didn't actually get pregnant, at least not long enough to register on a beta test}. But since we believe that life begins at conception, we believe each tiny embryo was a unique life. So the loss was just the same for us.

It was comforting for me to name each of the embryos that we lost. We did not have our embryos tested for gender, so the names were chosen for their meaning or significance to us. I think about these little ones often, wondering who they would have been. And I find comfort in knowing that Jesus now holds them in His arms. 

So if you would allow me the space to name each of our sweet angel babies here, I would appreciate it...

Jack. This little one was affectionately named {along with Jill} by one of Mike's mentors who had been relentlessly petitioning the Lord on our behalf. Since we transferred 2 embryos, he had been lovingly referring to the 2 tiny embryos as Jack and Jill. Jack was frozen for 8 years before transfer date, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. We did not get the joy of a positive pregnancy test. 

Jill. This little one was affectionately named {along with Jack} by one of Mike's mentors who had been relentlessly petitioning the Lord on our behalf. Since we transferred 2 embryos, he had been lovingly referring to the 2 tiny embryos as Jack and Jill. Jill was frozen for 8 years before transfer date, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. We did not get the joy of a positive pregnancy test. 

Amy. Means "dearly loved." Amy was frozen for 8 years, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. Unfortunately this tiny one did not survive the thawing process, and therefore did not make it to transfer day.

Noah. Means "rest or peace." Noah was frozen for 8 years, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. This tiny one held on for an extra day after thawing, but did not quite make it to transfer day.

Annie. Means "blessed with grace." We were indeed blessed with grace of this tiny life, even if it was for a short time. This name is our reminder that we are showered with grace from the Lord, and we will still bless his name, even if there is pain in our offering. Annie was frozen for 8.5 years before transfer date, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. This tiny one snuggled in tight to confirm a pregnancy test, but unfortunately I miscarried a short time later.

Hope. Named because of the hope and joy we felt when we found out we were pregnant. This name is our reminder that our felt hope and joy may have been taken in the moment, in the specific circumstance, but that our ultimate hope and joy in Jesus can never be taken. Hope was frozen for 8.5 years before transfer date, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. This tiny one snuggled in tight to confirm a pregnancy test, but unfortunately I miscarried a short time later.

Connor. Means "much wanted." This little one WAS much wanted, and would have been a full genetic sibling to Eli, Maddie, and Aiden {part of the second genetic family who donated their embryos to us}. Connor was frozen for 8.5 years before transfer date; unfortunately, we did not get the joy of a positive pregnancy test. 

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"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

~ Psalm 139:16

Family of Five

We are beyond thankful for our sweet little family of five {!} Just a few short years ago, we were in the midst of infertility and loss, and we were not sure what the Lord had planned for our family. We dreamed of sweet moments like these, but we were facing the reality of them staying just that: dreams. It was a dark time for our hearts, and it was a challenge to remain joyful in the midst of so much pain and uncertainty. But the Lord was with us every step of the way, graciously walking the difficult road with us, comforting our hearts, leading the way through the valley.

Fast forward a few years, and now we are in the midst of the craziness of 3 kiddos under 2. Life is busy and full and chaotic...and we wouldn't have it any other way. We are so overwhelmed by all that the Lord has gifted to us in these 3 beautiful blessings. We have only to look into their sweet faces and see the beauty and grace and love of our God. We have daily {moment by moment} reminders of how God takes our brokenness and makes us whole. How He redeems even the darkest of stories. How He is faithful to those whom He loves. 

Three beautiful babies is not the end to everyone's infertility story. Oh how I desperately wish it was, because I am so incredibly blessed by what the Lord has provided in these tiny people! But for His children, redemption and love are always the end of God's story. So dear one, if you are still waiting, still struggling, still dreaming...lean into Jesus. He has not forgotten you, and He wants to create beauty out of your ashes too. 

We have been given an incredible gift of grace in how our story has unfolded. We will forever be grateful for Embryo Adoption and how it has helped us build our family. We always keep our donor family at the forefront of our minds, because without their generous gift, we would not have Eli, Maddie, or Aiden. We are thankful for the reminder of God's goodness and faithfulness in our little rainbows after the storm. And we are humbled and grateful for our little family of five. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Embryo Adoption :: Snowflake Baby #3

We have shared much of our Embryo Adoption story here on this blog. If you have been around for awhile, then you know that it is something that is near and dear to our hearts. The fact that we are now preparing to welcome a 3rd snowflake baby into our family is such a gift from the Lord, "who is able to do more abundantly than all that we ask or think." {Ephesians 3:20}

When we first started this journey, we prepared to welcome, but then said goodbye, to 6 precious babies. It was a heartbreak that only compounded our grief from infertility, but the Lord was faithful to sustain us. We decided to try again and were matched with 4 more embryos. We transferred the first 2, and we got to hold Eli and Maddie in our arms for the first time in November 2016. 

That's the super quick recap of what we have shared so far, so I thought I would do a little Q&A for how snowflake baby #3 came to be! :)

How long was this embryo frozen?

This embryo was frozen at the same time as Eli and Maddie {March 2009}. This little one was frozen for over 8.5 years before it was thawed and transferred. Again, the length of time embryos are frozen is less of an indicator of success than the freezing technique and embryo grade that can sometimes indicate success. But even then, you never know...this sweet baby was born after being frozen for 24 years {long before modern freezing techniques}! 

Is this baby genetically related to Eli and Maddie?

Yes! This baby is a full genetic sibling to Eli and Maddie. So while Mike and I are not genetically linked to our babies, our babies are all genetically linked to each other :)

Didn't you have 2 embryos left?

Yes, we did. As much as we love having twins, we much preferred not to have a second set :)  So we wanted to transfer one embryo at a time, to lower our chances of twins. We actually transferred one embryo in November 2017, but unfortunately did not get pregnant. I wrote a post about our sweet Connor here. Thankfully, we were able to move right into another cycle to transfer our last remaining embryo {baby #3}.

Did you have to do anything with your agency before you transferred this embryo?

Not at all! We were/are still in contact with Nightlight because we provided quarterly updates for Eli and Maddie's 1st year, and will provide yearly updates going forward. Once we saw baby #3's heartbeat, we let them know about both of our transfers, because they track all of the adopted embryos. But since the embryos were legally ours at the time we signed contracts, there was nothing additional we needed to do with Nightlight before these last transfers. We will provide updates for baby #3, the same as we did/will for Eli and Maddie. And as always, our agency is our link to our genetic family.

What about the genetic family? Did you tell them, and how do they feel about baby #3?

At the time we let our agency know about our successful transfer, we also asked them to communicate our news to the genetic family. If you'll remember, we have a semi-open relationship with them, so all of our communication goes through our agency. To date, we have not received a response, but that's ok. We respect their decisions on when and how they choose to communicate, but we hope and pray that our news is a source of joy and peace for them.

How do you already know the baby is a boy?

Many people asked us if we knew the gender at the time of transfer. With embryos, there is the opportunity to know the gender if you do genetic testing on them. We did NOT do this {as it poses risks to the embryo}. But you CAN do a blood test after 9 weeks of pregnancy to do cursory genetic testing, and thus find out the gender. The test analyzes fetal DNA in the mother's blood, looking for traces of the Y chromosome. And if I have the option to know at 9 weeks vs. 18 weeks...you can bet I'm going to find out sooner :)

Why did you CHOOSE to have 3 under 2?

This is probably going to be a question for a lot of people. Probably the question running through strangers' minds as our three-ring circus heads out in public. Because the reality is that yes, we did CHOOSE to have our babies close together. This wasn't a surprise; by scheduling a transfer cycle, we literally planned out on the calendar when we would have this baby. And the even crazier part? I would have done the transfers sooner, if I hadn't experienced that whole crazy tumor incident!

There was a lot that went into our decision, so I'll try to be brief-ish:

• Reason #1: We started late, and I'm not getting any younger. I know LOTS of women have babies after 35 with no problem. And my age is even less of a factor, since it doesn't matter how old my eggs are...because I didn't have to use mine! But I was able to actually plan and have my babies before 35, so I took that opportunity. 
• Reason #2: My health is never a guarantee. I have an incurable autoimmune disease. By God's grace, I am in remission, but that could change at any time. And I cannot get pregnant while my disease is active; it's unsafe for both me and baby. Around this time is when many people see either a recurrence of their symptoms or a rejection of their treatment. Again, by God's grace, my disease is in remission. So while my health is in a good place, it's the best time to have another baby. I didn't want to wait too long and risk having complications that would delay a possible pregnancy by possible years.
• Reason #3: Our babies were frozen, waiting for us. This was actually the main driving factor behind our decision. We knew we only wanted to transfer 1 embryo at a time. If we had been successful with the transfer in November, then we would still have 1 embryo remaining that would be frozen close to 10 years before we were able to go back for it. Embryos don't necessarily have a shelf life, but we just didn't want to keep our embryos waiting for long. So much can happen, and I always worried that something would happen and we wouldn't be able to go back for our remaining embryo{s}. The Lord would be sovereign over their lives and would have provided answers in those circumstances, for sure. But as much as they were our responsibility, we wanted to give them the best chance at life, so we were more than comfortable with going back for earlier transfers. It's hard to explain, but when your babies are waiting for you...you try to get to them just as soon as you can. Not everyone feels this way, and that's ok. But it's how we felt, so it's partly why we are having 3 under 2 :)
• Reason #4: There is a comfort and peace in closing this part of our journey. We prayed for so long to get our family. We walked a long and heartbreaking road to get here. And even as we have experienced the joy of pregnancy and having our babies, it has not been easy. We are thankful for Embryo Adoption, but we are ready to close the fertility side of things. All of the doctor appointments, hormones, injections, procedures, waiting, anxiety, fears, losses, etc...it's exhausting- physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually. So to know now that we can close that chapter of our lives, brings an incredible amount of relief and freedom. Would we have happily walked through a few more years of it all to have all 4 of our babies in our arms? Absolutely. But we are at peace with the Lord's timing and plans, and we are thankful for the graces of bringing this part of our journey to a close.
• Reason #5: Why not? We are not naive; we know it will be hard. There are hard days with twins when I ask myself, "what on earth have I done? I'm losing my mind with 2, what am I going to do with 3??" But we have walked through a lot of hard, and the Lord has always been faithful. We have walked the craziness of newborn twins, and so we are actually looking forward to "just one." We are excited about our kiddos being so close in age, and we are praying they have just the sweetest of sibling relationships because of it. Most people I have talked with who have had their babies close together have said that it was really hard for about 5 years...but then it got better and they would hands down do it all over again. So here we go!

Is this the end of your Embryo Adoption journey?

In the most literal sense, yes. Since infertility is what led us to pursue Embryo Adoption in the first place, this will be our last pregnancy {cue all the tears and emotions}. We have transferred all of the embryos in our custody, and we do not plan to pursue any additional embryos with another donor family. Our only relationship with Nightlight moving forward will be to provide our contractual updates and to communicate with our genetic family. 

But in a broader sense, no. I say that because we are now going to be raising 3 snowflake babies. So I would say that now our Embryo Adoption journey shifts. Before, we were focused on growing our family. Now, we will be focused on raising our family. As we begin to share their Embryo Adoption story with them, there will inevitably be questions. Our "where do babies come from?" conversation will include additional details on their unique origins. There are aspects of their story that may be difficult to understand or come to terms with, so we will be navigating Embryo Adoption in a new way. But we pray that ultimately, the Lord uses their story to draw them each to Him, that their unique adoption story will help them better understand the spiritual adoption that is available to them through Christ. 

Embryo Adoption has been such a blessing to our lives, so if I can somehow provide information, insight, or encouragement to someone seeking fertility options, I would love to be able to do that! It is not for everyone, but it is an amazing option that I want more people to be aware of. So I believe that part of our continued journey through Embryo Adoption will be advocacy. 

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I have been blogging along the way {behind the scenes}, so if anyone is interested, I will be including our timeline for 2017 and 2018-to-date tomorrow. It's a helpful record for me, and we love sharing our story!

Embryo Adoption Awareness Day

November is National Adoption Month, so of course I am going to talk about Embryo Adoption! It's near and dear to our hearts, and the way the Lord chose to bring us our Eli and Maddie.

I shared several facts last year, and obviously I share a lot of our story here on this blog. We are huge fans of this amazing option to build a family, and we are forever grateful to our precious donors, for the decision they made to donate their embryos. So today, on Embryo Donation/Adoption Awareness Day, I wanted to specifically highlight the donors that make this option available. 

Our Donors

We have a semi-open relationship with our donors. For us, that means that all communication with our donors goes through our agency. These terms were agreed upon at the time we signed our contract. They are open to more direct contact in the future, but for now, they were most comfortable with our current arrangement. 

Our communication has been limited up to this point, mostly just letting them know about our transfer, our positive pregnancy test, and when Eli and Maddie were born. We haven't really had any need yet for any more contact, as all of the children {Eli and Maddie have 2 genetic siblings} are still very young. As they grow up, and as we share their story with them, we anticipate there might be questions, and so we are thankful we have the opportunity to have contact with the genetic family.

Our donors told us that donating their remaining embryos was the easiest decision they made in the entire fertility treatment process. I absolutely love their hearts to want to help another couple who had walked through the heartaches of infertility. They were so excited for us when we found out we were pregnant with twins, and they even sent a sweet gift basket when Eli and Maddie were born!

But donating embryos is not that easy for everyone; many of the donors that I have spoken to have expressed the struggle over the decision to donate. Donors walk through so much to get their embryos, so to part with them is a difficult decision.

How to Donate

There are a number of ways that a couple can donate their embryos. We were matched with our donors through an agency. Our donors worked with our agency to find the match with which they felt most comfortable, and the agency facilitated the process, along with all legal aspects of the donation. Once contracts were signed, the agency helped us arrange the shipment of the embryos to our clinic. All aspects of the donation were facilitated by the agency.

Many clinics facilitate embryo donation {though not all}. A lot of times, these donations are anonymous, but not always. Some clinics allow outside donations, which means that they accept embryos from another clinic {like ours did}, but some clinics only allow donations within their clinics {so among their own patients}. Some clinics provide the legal aspects of the donation, some require you to find your own lawyers. 

Others choose to find recipients through private donation. There are embryo donation websites that host profiles, but families essentially match on their own. Families walk through the donation process by finding their own match, their own lawyers, their own shipping partner {if necessary}. While there is a lot of personal legwork, it can be an inexpensive option for the recipient.

There should not be any fees involved for the donors. All fees are usually paid by the recipients. Donors have already spent the money for the IVF process, and many have paid storage fees for their remaining embryos, which in some instances can be reimbursed by the recipient family, depending on the agreed upon arrangements. However, donors CANNOT receive payment for the embryos; it is illegal to sell embryos. All fees and costs associated with embryos are related to legal contracts, FDA testing, shipping, etc. 

The Decision to Donate

Many couples who walk through IVF are not even aware that donating their embryos is an option. If they do have remaining embryos after their family is complete, many keep them frozen indefinitely, unsure what to do with them. The other options are to destroy them or donate them to science. 

After so much struggle, heartache, expense to create the embryos, I would imagine that, for some couples, the decision to donate can be a difficult one. There are the concerns and "weirdness" of having your genetic children out there somewhere. What kind of relationship {if any} should we have with the recipient family? What will resultant children think? What will my own children think?

Some donors choose to donate anonymously. They provide a gift to another family, but desire not to have any contact or relationship with them. In this scenario, they can know if any babies were born from the donation, but they don't usually know anything else beyond that. Other donors choose to have a semi-open relationship. This is the scenario that we have with Eli and Maddie's genetic family. Contact is limited, and usually facilitated by another third party {agency or clinic}. Basic information is shared, but personal contact information is not. And still other donors choose a completely open relationship, where all information is shared, and families know each other's children. I have seen beautiful relationships in all of these scenarios.

While I cannot personally relate with the decision to donate {as I am a recipient}, I can say that I think it's a brave and generous decision. To allow your embryos to have a chance at life with another family who understands the heartaches of infertility is an incredibly selfless decision. There are definitely big questions to answer on what relationships could/will look like. But whether a donor chooses anonymous, semi-open, or fully open donation, they provide a beautiful gift to a waiting family. Without donors, there would be no embryo adoption, and we would not have Eli and Maddie. It's a gift for which my family will forever be grateful. 

Countdown to Babies :: 1 More Day!

We made it to November! After the adventure of preterm labor and thinking we could have September babies, to praying just to make it to having October babies....it's funny that we got our November babies after all. Eli and Maddie just had their own ideas about how this would all go down :)

This is our LAST day just the two of us! It seems so surreal. Tomorrow morning, we will check in at the hospital a family of 2, and we will leave at some point this week as a family of 4! We have prayed for this for so long, and we are definitely ready, but there's still a part of us that just can't believe it's actually here. 

And it's not lost on us that November is National Adoption Month. We were blessed with the opportunity to experience pregnancy and grow our family because of the Lord's grace and provision. And He chose to do that through the incredible gift of embryo adoption. On the eve of meeting our little ones, I can't help but think of our sweet donors. Because they loved their tiny embryos and wanted them to have a chance of life, we get to meet Eli and Maddie soon. There just aren't enough words to express our gratitude. 

Mike got off work early, and we got to enjoy a fun date night out...possibly our last one for awhile haha! 

Date #34: Our last dinner out as a family of 2! #wcsavethedate16

I am so thankful for this man. He has been an amazing husband, and I can't imagine walking life without him. As we get ready to jump into this adventure of parenthood, I am just so thankful for how the Lord has poured out His grace on us. I know Mike is going to be an amazing daddy, and I am just so thankful I get to walk alongside him as we navigate the crazy fun life of raising twins. Bring it on :)

**This post was published after our babies were born**

Embryo Adoption :: Our Journey {2016 part 1}

And the journey continues in 2016...

January 4, 2016: We got word that our contracts arrived at our agency, so now we're just waiting on the signed contracts from our donor family.

January 15, 2016: You are Ours.

January 19, 2016: The signed contract from the donor family came in...the 4 precious embryos are legally ours! 

January 20, 2016: Shipping coordination began; sent embryo storage consent form to our clinic.

January 21, 2016: All paperwork is in, and we have the green light to ship from our clinic; just waiting on a ship date from the donor family clinic!

January 22, 2016: Winter Storm Jonas/Blizzard 2016/Snowpocalypse hits the East coast, so we will have have to wait for the weather to clear before shipping is safe.

January 27, 2016: Completely unexpected: we got a call today that our little ones had not only shipped, but had actually already made their trek from Virginia to Texas, and are safe and sound in our clinic!

February 1, 2016: FET protocol appointment with RE, blood work for hormone levels.

February 2, 2016: Blood work came back early. Stopped taking BCP.

February 6, 2016: Officially started transfer cycle...here we go again!

February 11, 2016: Rejoicing with Habakkuk

February 18, 2016: Lining check sonogram.

February 19, 2016: Secret Passage + Prayers

February 20, 2016: Started PIO injections. Not my favorite part of this process, but thankful for a hubby who helps me with these injections.

February 25, 106: Praying in Community

February 26, 2016: Transfer Day #3

March 4, 2016: Almost

March 7, 2016: Blood Pregnancy Test. We are PREGNANT!!

March 9, 2016: Beta #2.

March 14, 2016: 5 Weeks

March 21, 2016: 6 Weeks

March 24, 2016: First Ultrasound- Hello Babies!

March 28, 2016: 7 Weeks

March 31, 2016: Breathing a Sigh of Relief

April 4, 2016: 8 Weeks

April 7, 2016: Second Ultrasound- The Most Beautiful Sound

April 8, 2016: OB Orientation

April 10, 2016: Today Mike and I wandered around a baby store. We know it's really early, but we wanted to let ourselves dream a little for a bit. And he said we had to buy at least 1 thing before we could leave. So we bought a super soft baby blanket and some bibs. This might seem like a silly thing for some, but for us, it is what we have wanted to do for so long. It was a sweet day together, and I'm thankful that he helps me remember to enjoy what the Lord has done for us.

April 11, 2016: 9 Weeks + First appointment with my OB...definitely feeling blessed :)

April 18, 2016: 10 Weeks

April 20, 2016: ChromoMap blood draw

April 23, 2016: ER Visit

April 24, 2016: Ode to the PIO

April 25, 2016: 11 Weeks

April 26, 2016: Follow Up with OB

April 27, 2016: I recruited Lindsay to help me with baby quilts and we got started today! When you have been planning a nursery for 3+ years, it's SUPER fun to actually get to DO something :)

May 2, 2016: 12 Weeks

May 3, 2016: We got the results back form our ChromoMap genetic testing, and everything came back normal. So thankful for healthy babies!

May 6, 2016: Level II Ultrasound

May 7, 2016: Our Public Announcement + God's Plan for Our Family

**  I only provided links above for my first 12 weeks of a baby bump, since we didn't make any public announcements until after that. The rest of my pregnancy weeks can be found here - though you will have to scroll back a bit to get back to my twin pregnancy :)  **

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Our embryo adoption journey is far from over, and in many ways has just begun. But that brings us up to date on our journey so far. We are thankful for this incredible gift, and we stand in awe of God's unique way of growing our family. We can't wait to see how He continues to write our story!

Embryo Adoption :: Our Journey {2015}

Our journey continued through 2015...

January 6, 2015: We {finally} finished our home study checklist!

January 7, 2015: I had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy for the originally diagnosed hydrosalpinx. This surgery showed that there was not hydrosalpinx, but instead endometriosis and an orange-sized ovarian cyst {!} We were nervous about what this meant for our FET {Frozen Embryo Transfer}, but I went home to rest/recover and await the verdict.

January 15, 2015: Skype call with our home evaluation worker.

January 23, 2015: Post-op appointment with my RE, where we received {thankfully} confirmation that we were still good candidates for an FET!

January 31, 2015: Home visit for our home evaluation.

February 11, 2015: Approved for our home study!

February 19, 2015: Matching interview to start the matching phase.

February 24, 2015: We received our first potential match with a donor family {M&A}!

February 25, 2015: Embryology report sent to my RE.

March 2, 2015: We accepted the match with M&A for 6 precious embryos!

March 4, 2015: We entered the contract phase for the embryo adoption.

March 10, 2015: FET protocol consult with my RE.

March 16, 2015: After some negotiation regarding future contact with the donor family, we received the contract.

March 17, 2015: We signed/notarized the contract, and my FET medications arrived in the mail.

Sadly, this is only a fraction of my meds...

March 25, 2015: Mock Embryo Transfer

March 26, 2015: Blood work showed hyperprolactinemia {big fancy word for high prolactin levels}, so I started medication to reduce my prolactin levels leading up to a transfer.

Such a tiny dose. I will take 1/2 a pill twice a week until we get a positive HPT.

April 3, 2015: The signed contract from the donor family came in...the 6 precious embryos are legally ours! {Good Friday}.

April 6, 2015: Shipping coordination began {donor family blood work recommended by the FDA + clinic release form}.

May 7, 2015: After a lot of difficulty and frustration, our donor family finally found a clinic that would do their blood draw.

May 10, 2015: A Different Kind of Mom {Mother's Day}

May 11, 2015: Because our embryos still have not shipped, I started taking birth control pills to help ward off endometriosis and prepare for our transfer cycle. {Anyone notice the irony of taking a birth control pill in an effort to get pregnant??}

May 13, 2015: Donor family went in for their blood draw...now we just wait for the blood test results to come back from the lab.

May 22, 2015: After a slight issue with the testing kit, the results came back clear. Now we just wait for the donor family to sign/notarize the clinic release form.

June 3, 2015: The donor family signed/notarized and mailed the clinic release form. Now we just wait for it to arrive so we can ship!

June 9, 2015: I had my second hysteroscopy to make sure that my endometriosis had not returned.

June 12, 2015: All paperwork is in!! Nightlight is finalizing shipping details, so our babies should ship first thing next week!!

June 16, 2015: Our embryos shipped today- our babies are {finally} on their way!! Hallelujah, praise Jesus! It has been a LONG 10 weeks...

June 17, 2015: Our embryos arrived safely at our clinic!!  

June 20, 2015: Officially started transfer cycle.

July 2, 2015: Lining check sonogram...lining is 7mm, so we scheduled our transfer. I also started the dreaded Progesterone in Oil {PIO} shots.

One of these suckers in the rear every day for 12-14 weeks; and don't be fooled- that is most definitely thick, slow-injecting oil in that syringe...

July 10, 2015: Transfer Day!

July 20, 2015: Negative Pregnancy Test- transfer 1 failed. Jack & Jill.

July 21, 2015: Follow up appointment to determine next steps after failed FET.

July 23, 2015: I Stand for Life

July 24, 2015: Started transfer cycle #2.

August 7, 2015: Lining check #2.

August 13, 2015: Started PIO again {we had to push our transfer back several days in order to accommodate the embryology schedule}.

August 17, 2015: Thaw Day.

August 19, 2015: Transfer Day #2!.

August 20, 2015: Amy and Noah.

August 31, 2015: Blood Pregnancy Test- we are pregnant!!!

September 2, 2015: Beta #2- we are losing our babies...

September 7, 2015: I miscarried...

September 9, 2015: Beta #3, confirmation that we are no longer pregnant; Annie and Hope.

September 10, 2015: Post transfer and miscarriage follow-up appointment; started taking BCP again for endometriosis management.

September 14, 2015: Blood work to determine if there are any underlying autoimmune issues that could have caused my miscarriage.

September 15, 2015: A letter to our precious genetic family, M&A.

September 16, 2015: Miscarriage after Infertility, Hope after Loss.

September 17, 2015: Received test results back from autoimmune testing- everything is normal. Praise God!

September 18, 2015: Began the process of updating our file and home study with Nightlight so we could move forward with rematching.

October 13, 2015: Home visit #2.

October 15, 2015: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day + 6 Babies.

October 20, 2015: Re-approved for our home study; officially entered into the re-matching process.

October 24, 2015: The Announcement That Didn't Happen...

November 4, 2015: We received a potential match with another donor family {I&A}; embryology report sent to RE.

November 8, 2015: When the Tears Come.

November 13, 2015: Consultation with RE about embryology report; we needed to clarify details on the report, so we scheduled yet another follow up.

November 17, 2015: Trusting our RE's opinion and after much prayer, we made the decision to decline the match with I&A. We now wait for another one.

December 3, 2015: We received a potential match with another donor family {J&J}; embryology report sent to RE. I also attended my first Shiloh coffee.

December 10, 2015: We accepted the match with our second family for 4 precious embryos!

December 11, 2015: We entered the contract phase for our second embryo adoption.

December 18, 2015: After approving the contract terms for future contact with our donor family, we received the embryo adoption agreement! Nightlight closes at the end of the year, so we will have to wait until January for any further progress.  My Christmas Wish List.

December 20, 2015: We signed and notarized the contracts, as well as the FET protocol paperwork. Now we wait for Nightlight to re-open in January to schedule shipping!

We have sent a lot of envelopes/packages to California this year!

December 25, 2015: Christmas was difficult this year with the loss of our babies. But I love the snowflake ornaments that we got for each of them, to represent the tiny lives that the Lord gave to us, if even for a short time.

December 30, 2015: The best is yet to come.

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We closed 2015 grieving the loss of our first 6 babies, but hopeful for the life to come with our 4 new babies!

Embryo Adoption :: We've Been Matched {Again}!

Today we accepted the match for our second set of precious embryos!

Again, we won't provide a lot of details on this blog {for privacy reasons}, but we are so thankful for the family the Lord has brought to us. Just like with our last match, we are in awe of how the Lord orchestrates His plans, and we look forward to how the Lord continues to reveal and develop a sweet connection with this family.

Our genetic family {J&J} is from Virginia, and they have 2 beautiful kiddos through IVF. They said that donating their embryos to Snowflakes was the easiest decision they have made as a couple. Their desire was to bless another couple who had walked the dark days of miscarriage and doubt. They had vowed never to give up on building their family and wanted to help someone else in the struggle they knew too well. 

This sweet family has 4 precious embryos. When we read their letter, we felt as though they were speaking directly to us. We are so humbled that they chose us to care for their tiny ones, and we are so excited to move forward in this process with them. Our hope is to still have genetic siblings, but we know that we have to trust the Lord with the lives He has entrusted to us.

I may or may not have created 4 individual snowflake cookies in the midst of my holiday baking...

We actually received the profile for J&J about a week ago, but we were waiting to hear from my RE to get her take on the embryology report. Because of our previous losses, we needed to take the embryo grading into more consideration for our next match {a whole other post for another time; just a difficult part of this journey}. It was SO difficult declining the last match with I&A {I hated saying "no" to babies}, and I really didn't want to have to do it again. We really fell in love with this sweet family and were hoping this was THE one, so we were praying for a good report. 

And today we got the "good report" we prayed for! The embryologist said we basically have 2 really strong embryos, and 2 average/fair embryos. She and my RE feel we have a good chance at a successful pregnancy {ies}, and that it was a good group to adopt. That works for me! :)

So now we move forward with contracts and shipping. We have been praying that the Lord would bring our embryos to us before the end of the year...they're almost here!