Back to Stelara

Back in August, I started my battle with insurance over my Crohn's medication. I received approval, and then they went back on their approval, I was forced onto the biosimilar Wezlana, and I have been working through all of the side effects. 

I saw my GI about a week ago, and I was actually ready to work through a transition plan, because it was my last appointment with him. He is leaving the practice at the end of this year, and I wanted to get his thoughts on where I go from here. I can't tell you how devastating this news is; I am beyond grateful for my GI, and I trust him completely. He has fought for me on many occasions, and I was so disappointed when I heard that I would have to find someone new. But I know that the Lord has a plan, and I am praying for the right care as I search for a new GI. 

When I relayed to my {still current} GI the side effects that I have been facing, he was NOT happy. As a last chance effort and parting gift, he wanted to try to appeal the insurance one last time, as he felt I was stable on Stelara and should never have been moved to the biosimilar in the first place. {Again- he's amazing, and I appreciate his care for his patients so much}. I honestly didn't expect much, considering how long our fight took last time and that he was leaving, but I appreciated his zeal, said my goodbyes, and left. 

In less than one week, I received an uncontested approval from the insurance and a dose of the Stelara on my doorstep. Just like that, and I am back to Stelara. I can't tell you how floored I was to hear that they approved it. I didn't believe it at first; I didn't trust it. And then the pharmacy was filling the script, and it arrived on my doorstep. There's still a part of me that is waiting for the insurance to say, "haha, just kidding!" And I guess, technically, they still could. 

But for now, the Lord {unexpectedly} moved mountains for me! I didn't even ask Him to this time. I have refills for the next 9 months, and I am back on Stelara. I am praying that the transition back is smoother than the transition away. And I am praying that the blip in treatment is just that: a blip. That I remain in remission.

LEGOs and Chipmunks!

For Eli and Maddie's 9th birthday, we celebrated with LEGOs and chipmunks!

Their birthday fell on a Sunday, so while they got to wake up to their usual birthday excitement and decor, we had to push some of their celebration off until after church. But we tried to still make it special by celebrating with their friends in Sunday School. They got to hand out cupcakes and their friends sang Happy Birthday, as well as prayed a special birthday blessing over them. 

Amen. 

After church, we got to celebrate at home. Eli and Maddie opened presents, and there were lots of LEGOs for Eli, and chipmunks and Calico Critters for Maddie. 

They made cards for each other...

...and read them to each other :)

The afternoon was spent playing and creating and imagining, but they did also get to play outside in the beautiful weather. And of course, there were cupcakes and birthday singing!

We got to zoom with Granny and Grumpz, and there were messages from so many people that love Eli and Maddie. It was a fun and special day, and I pray that they always know how much they are loved and cared for. 

Happy 9th Birthday, Eli and Maddie!

See You Soon, Michael

There really is no good or easy way to make this post, and there is so much I still have to process. I am even backdating this post, because I just want to mark it here since my posts may not make a lot of sense otherwise. And while I know that the sequence or accuracy of my blog ultimately doesn't matter, I know that I will want a record of this time. Not because I want to remember the hard and the terrible things that have happened. But because the Lord has been so kind and gracious to take care of us in the midst of it all. And that is what I want to remember. 

So for now, I will just copy and paste the post I made on social media to let our family and friends know of what happened to Michael. But the short version? I got a text message on Friday saying that they were taking him to the ER, there were no extra details. By that night, I was booking a flight to Texas. I arrived Saturday morning, and we said our goodbyes on Sunday. Helping my parents plan my brother's funeral was not at all something I ever thought I would do. My brain is still trying to catch up, and it feels too big right now to process. So I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.

I am so very thankful that Michael is with Jesus, that he is whole and healthy and healed. That we are not grieving without hope. I am thankful for the outpouring of love and support and prayers that have surrounded us in these hard days, both in Texas and Virginia. We have been overwhelmed by the body of Christ and how they have shown up to mourn with and care for us during this time. In ways that I didn't even know we needed because I was just too tired or shocked to know. I am thankful for how the Lord has offered His comfort and strength and guidance in every step. I know that He is near, and that He will be in the days ahead.

From social media:

The last 48 hours have been a whirlwind of shock and disbelief and grief. On Friday, my brother Michael experienced a massive hemorrhagic stroke in his brain stem. There really are no words to describe our family’s heartbreak and loss. Anyone who knew my brother, knew that he would give you his right arm if you needed it, so it was no surprise to learn that he chose to be an organ donor. Today, in the midst of the heartache, we get to witness light and hope as my brother (true to character) selflessly gifts life.

As we are in the midst of this Advent season, I cannot help but feel the overwhelming weight of the darkness now. How this is absolutely not how it is supposed to be. A mother and father should never have to bury their son. A new bride should not have to say goodbye to her groom.

But Jesus…

John 1:4-5

In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Emmanuel, God with us, came to shine light into this darkness. He came so that one day, all these awful things would be undone. The darkness has not overcome the light. As my kids’ Advent devotional says, “He will make the wrong things right, and the dark things light.”

I don’t know why this happened. And oh man, does it hurt. But I do know that death and darkness do not get the final word. We do not grieve without hope. Michael is rejoicing with his beloved Savior. One day, there will be no more suffering, no more tears.

I love you, bud. I’m so proud of you and how you chose to serve and love people one last time. They’re giving you a whole honor walk and flying a flag. That AND your masters degree?? You win. See you soon 

Crohn's Chronicles :: Labs + Humira + Prednisone

After I had my colonoscopy, my doctor knew that my Crohn's was active again. He could see it, and so could I, on the images he gave me {isn't that a fun keepsake? take-home photos of your colonoscopy haha}. But they still do biopsies and send off samples for lab confirmation.

Labs came back, and they confirmed active Crohn's inflammation. Again, something I already knew, but having the labs to back it up makes it feel more real, for some reason. Since I monitor my diet and lifestyle, we know that the return of my symptoms is because Humira has stopped working for me.

So I took my last dose of Humira on July 8th. It's not doing anything, but I didn't get the confirmation to stop taking it until the day after I took my last dose. So I have officially ended my journey with Humira. In a strange, medically-twisted way, it's bittersweet. I am definitely glad to say goodbye to every-other-week injections. I took 196 total shots over 7.5 years. I cursed every time for 6.5 of those years {until I finally got some relief in the past year with the citrate-free version!} I had 2 pen misfires in the whole 7.5 years, which is not too shabby.

But I am so thankful for how it helped me achieve and stay in remission for so long. I never loved being on a synthetic, biologic drug, but the reality is that it helped me stay healthy. It worked for me, the first time. And that's a big deal in Crohn's treatment.

So long, Humira!

So what's next?

I have a follow-up with my GI next week. I start my new medication the week after that {more on that later, as I'm still learning and figuring it out!} And I will continue taking the prednisone to get the inflammation under control. I have 2.5 more weeks left for that and would appreciate prayers in that process. The side effects have been rough. I feel pretty yucky these days, but I have to keep reminding myself that I am not in any pain. That's a big deal! But it's still something I have to remind myself of over and over, because I am not loving how my body is currently feeling. Aside from the gross {and weird} side effects, I'm back to feeling completely depleted by the end of the day. I do ok until about 2pm, where I seem to just hit a wall and feel my body starting to crash. It's a struggle to make it to the end of the day, and I'm crawling into bed pretty soon after the kids are in bed.

I have been thinking a lot about the timing of my symptoms returning. On one hand, it feels like just another blow from 2020 in the midst of crazy life circumstances and this crazy pandemic. But then I remember the Spirit's prompting to do all of our embryo transfers quickly. Part of the reason we had Aiden so close to the twins was because we knew my health was not guaranteed, and I wouldn't have been able to do a transfer if my disease was active. Being pregnant actually helps keep Crohn's in check, so it's possible I could have flared sooner, right about the time I would have normally planned to space out my kids. And that would have been really hard, knowing that we had to stop doing transfers, knowing that we had frozen embryos still waiting for us...

So I see the Lord's provision in allowing us to be done having our babies before my symptoms came back. What a precious gift. And a gracious reminder on the hard days, when I wonder why on earth I ever willingly subjected myself to 3 babies under 2 :)

Fall Bucket List :: Survive 2ish Months with 3 Kids Under 2

Oh friends. Little did I know that this should have been the ONLY item on our Fall Bucket List...

We knew that having 3 so close together in age would be tough. We weren't under any allusions of our choice in family dynamics being easy. But we had no idea what these last couple of months could have entailed. Granted, we have had several unexpected curveballs thrown our way to make the transition that much harder. But man, oh man. 

Have we survived? Yes. Barely. 

To say it has been challenging is an understatement. Going from 0 to 2 kids was hard. But going from 2 to 3 has been difficult in a new way. And we are not out of the crazy hard woods yet. It has been completely humbling, as well as a daily exercise in dependence on Jesus. The promise of new mercies every morning has taken on a new meaning...

• A scary ER visit for Mama {I promise to blog about this at some point}.
• Countless plugged ducts and a round of mastitis.
• A non-sleeping newborn and 2 teething toddlers {why did they BOTH have to get 6 teeth each all at once??}
• A new washer and dryer, a new dryer replacement, smoke detector malfunctions, and roof repairs.
• A round of colds {complete with fevers and nasty coughs} for everyone...even the tiny baby.
• A car accident when we were all in the car.

But while the hits just seem to keep coming, the Lord has been gracious and good. It's hard to see that some days, and I need constant reminders of His care and love for us through this hard season. 

• Being at the right hospital with the right doctors.
• The ability to breastfeed for 7 weeks and an easy transition to formula for Aiden.
• The help and care of so many family and friends.
• The help and care of my mom. She gets her own bullet point, because she has basically put her life on hold to help us.
• My dad. He gets his own bullet point because he has sacrificed so much so we can have my mom here.
• The ability to replace our washer and dryer and make house repairs.
• Doctors and medicine and healthy immune systems.
• Insurance and a safe vehicle.

This is just a season, and we love our sweet babies. The Lord has been incredibly kind to us in providing us our beautiful family. Right now, though, things are just hard. So we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, clinging to Jesus, and reminding ourselves of His good gifts.

The Babies Lost Too Soon

We are just a few short weeks away from celebrating Eli and Maddie's first birthday {can you believe it?!?} As my days are now filled with the craziness of chasing these two little ones, it's hard to imagine life without them. They bring so much joy, laughter, and love...things I prayed the Lord would grant, and things that now make me feel as though my heart just might burst from gratitude for the gift they are. 

But I cannot forget the long and hard road that led us to these joy-filled days. It's etched in my heart, and it's part of our story. When we first began our embryo adoption journey, we adopted 6 embryos. We had so much hope for these tiny lives, and {as crazy as it may sound} we were beginning to imagine our lives as a family of 8! Unfortunately, our grief of infertility would only be compounded by the grief of losing our tiny embryos. We lost 2 during the thawing process, 2 after transfer, and 2 to miscarriage. It was hard to imagine why the Lord allowed us to adopt and then never meet our tiny ones, but we were reminded that each life was precious to Him, however short they might have been.

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. All of October is dedicated to awareness, first declared so in 1988 by President Ronald Reagan.

When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes. 

Walking the road of infertility, I have met countless women whose hearts have been shattered by loss. The mamas who have miscarried, some multiple times. The mamas who have heard the fateful, "I'm sorry, but there is no heartbeat." The mamas who had the difficult task of delivering their babies who had already gone on to the arms of Jesus. The mamas who cared for their sick babies and had to say goodbye too soon. The mamas who had no warning and were met with indescribable grief. The mamas who have buried their children. In this broken world, there is just so much heartache and pain...

There are many ways that families choose to remember and honor these sweet babies throughout the year, but on October 15th, many families light candles at 7pm in their respective time zone in an International Wave of Light. The idea is to have a continuous chain of light spanning the globe for a 24-hour period. It's a simple and sweet way to pause, acknowledge, and remember.

Another way I personally have chosen to remember is to mention our babies names. 

Jack. 

Jill. 

Amy. 

Noah. 

Annie. 

Hope. 

Each a unique, individual life created by God. Each very much wanted, loved, and missed. 

So today we will pause to remember and pray for all of the families who have experienced the loss of their child{ren}. We will say the names of and remember our precious little ones that we carry only in our hearts. These tiny ones were lost too soon, and I can't help but wonder what they each would have looked like, who they might have been. But through the heartache and loss, the struggles {and now the joys} of our journey, we are continually reminded of how the Lord is faithful to hold us in His sovereign hand.

Blessed be His name in the land that is plentiful, where His streams of abundance flow. Blessed be His name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering. Blessed be His name.

{iPhone Rewind} :: October

October started off with a sweet delivery from my hubby...he came home with a pumpkin spice latte for me :)

I love getting to watch and encourage this process {sermon prep}. The Lord has given him such a gift in communicating biblical truth and the gospel clearly. I am so thankful for the opportunities he continues to receive to utilize that gift, even during a season of waiting for the next ministry position.

When your best friend knits blankets and hats for your babies...and then tells you that she started the one on the right when we started our journey, that each layer represents a step in the process {home study, transfers, etc} and all the prayers she prayed while knitting...

Because I caught a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror and couldn't believe that our babies would be here soon!!  #35w2d

My sweet hubby brought me flowers for date night :)

Date #30: New card game and new cookie of the year #wcsavethedate16

Date #31: Blizzards and the Bump {celebrating 36 weeks!} #wcsavethedate16

So this guy took up residence outside our kitchen window. He completely creeps me out, but his web is HUGE, and I can't help but admire his work.

This adorable little pumpkin was hand painted by the even more adorable PK. She was so proud to present it to me!

Adios ankles. Hopefully I will see you again soon...

Woah babies! We made it to full term!

Luke and Elizabeth had a joint Star Wars-themed birthday party. When your dad LOVES Star Wars, you have all the right decor and connections :)

The Big "C"

With all the excitement of the babies, I have been quiet about a not-so-fun subject. Partly because we have been waiting on more details, and partly because we were all wanting to focus on happier things and not worry about the unknowns at this point.

And who ever really wants to talk about cancer anyway? I mean, it has its own ominous nickname: the big "C." There aren't many who are not touched by cancer in some way, but when the diagnosis comes for you or someone close to you...

When we went to San Antonio for our baby shower, after all the fun festivities, my parents sat us down to let us know that my dad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. It was definitely not at all what I expected when they said they wanted to talk with us. I listened to all of the details, but I think it took a few days for it to actually sink in. And I HATE being here, unable to go there...

A cancer diagnosis is scary no matter what. But prostate cancer can often be treated successfully, and they seem to have caught it early for my dad. The doctors seem positive that surgery is the best way to get rid of it. We won't know until after the surgery whether or not it has spread or not, but all the numbers and labs look good at this point. 

So if you think about it, will you be praying for my dad? His surgery is scheduled for the end of November {after the babies arrive, on purpose}. Pray that the doctors can remove all cancer and that it has not spread. And please pray for his recovery. He is taking all of December off from work to recover, which is good {and a HUGE deal for my hard-working dad}, but it's not going to be an easy road. Please also pray for my mom as she takes care of him. We feel so helpless because we most likely won't be able to go down there to see him and help, and I know they are struggling with being away from babies for their first Christmas. We have a good plan in place for everyone, it's just hard when things don't work out the way you had envisioned them. We're no strangers to a change of hoped for plans, so we are resting in the Lord's goodness, knowing that He is in control. 

Praying in Community

Tonight, several of our friends and family met together to cover us in prayer. We gathered in our living room and spent a good amount of time petitioning the Lord on behalf of our little ones. We felt the Lord's presence, and it was such a sweet time of worship before Him.

I can't express in words what this evening meant to us. We felt so much love and support. We have had it all along in our journey from these amazing people, but having them all in one room at one time meant so much. And we had so many more who weren't there in person, but still lifting us up in prayer. 

I wanted to remember this night. We have an incredible community who is committed to walking with us, willing to both rejoice and mourn with us. And we don't ever want to take that blessing for granted.

High Five for Friday!

{one} Last night was Date Night, and my sweet husband declared it technology-free night. No Netflix, no computers, no phones. And it was wonderful! We had dinner together and just sat and talked, played a few rounds of Bananagrams, and made cookies. It was perfect. We do those things often, but never without our technology close by. I really enjoyed the lack of distraction; we need to do more nights like that :)

{two} So I chopped off my hair yesterday. I had originally started growing it out 2 years ago when I realized that Humira was causing it all to fall out. I had a panic moment and decided I wanted to grow my hair out while I could. I loved having long hair, but I just felt like I needed a change. It's not super short, but I did cut about 5 inches off, and I feel SO much lighter :)

 

 

{three} Random thought, but can we just all acknowledge how awkward selfies are? And the fact that they are termed "selfies"? They never come out right, and how narcissistic is it to take a photo {or multiple photos} of yourself? Obviously I still take them here and there, but they're just so weird to me. I guess it  wouldn't be any less weird to ask someone else to take a picture of you, but it's still weird. There's nothing really to this point, I just felt the need to acknowledge my discomfort with taking a photo of myself in my bathroom mirror. 

 

{four} Since the winding down of Redeemer, we have been taking some time to rest, but we have also been praying about what the Lord might have for us next. We still feel called to ministry, but we are seeking the Lord on what that specifically looks like. We would appreciate your prayers as we continue in this transition phase. We are excited about what He has planned for us...we just need to know what it is! :)

{five} In the interim time, we have been visiting churches in the area. We helped our people get plugged in, and Mike and I have started working on getting plugged in ourselves. Since we don't know where we will be in 6 months, it's hard to get super connected, but we know we need to be in community, serving someplace. Since we have such an affection and relationship with Mercy Church {Mike has preached there several times, we are close with the lead pastor and his wife, etc}, we have decided to serve there during our transition time. We are excited to come alongside them, and we feel we can serve them with our gifts and understanding of church planting.

Draw Me Nearer

This is the prayer that has been on my heart the last few days. The lyrics run through my head all day, and wake me up in the morning. The words are harder to say sometimes than others, when my heart strays, and I lose sight of my Savior. I pray this is true of my heart always. That this is truly what I desire more than anything else.

 

 

 

For your nearness, Lord, I hunger

For your nearness, Lord, I wait

Hold me ever closer Father

Such a love I can't escape

For your nearness I am hoping
For your nearness, Lord, I long
Have no need of any other
I have found where I belong
Yes, I have found where I belong
 

So draw me nearer, Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer, Lord
Draw me nearer, Lord
 

In your nearness there is healing
What was broken now made whole
Restoration in its fullness
Lasting hope for all who come

In your nearness I take shelter
Where you are is where I'm home
I have need of only one thing
To be here before your throne
To be here before your throne
 

So draw me nearer, Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer, Lord
(x2)

Draw me nearer, Lord
 

And keep me here, keep me here
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
So keep me here, keep me here
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
 

So draw me nearer, Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer, Lord
Draw me nearer, Lord
Draw me nearer, my Lord

Amen.



High Five for Friday!

{one} Confession: I have been listening to George Strait on my iPhone all morning at work. I just was in a king-of-country-kind-of-mood :) It's crazy to me that he is almost done with his farewell tour...I grew up listening to George and LOVE his music! It's Friday...might as well "whistle while I work!"

{two} Mike recently accepted a full time job as a Marketing Lead Coordinator for a company that focuses on the stewardship and fundraising needs of churches. We are so excited about how the Lord has provided! Nothing is changing with the church plant, so that means he will be working full time and pastoring Redeemer as well. This is definitely the next season the Lord has for us, but we know it will be an adjustment, and we would covet your prayers for the transition ahead.

{three} We are in full VBS-prep mode! We are partnering with First Presbyterian to host VBS in June. We will have it in the evening, so I will be running from work to VBS...good thing it's right down the street! I am in charge of the craft time, so I am busy collecting supplies and getting things ready for the kiddos. We are excited about partnering with FPC and sharing Jesus with the kids in our neighborhood!

{four} Tonight we're hanging out with some friends at the Bike the Bricks event in downtown McKinney. None of us are participating in the bike races, but we thought it would be fun to watch. They shut down the square and set up food trucks for spectators. The weather is beautiful, and it will be fun to walk around and enjoy the festivities.

{five} I am definitely looking forward to a 3-day weekend. They always seem to come just at the right time. While I am thankful for the break from work, I am even more thankful for the men and women who have served our country and given their lives to protect our freedoms. This weekend, I am praying for the families who have lost a loved one.

Bing Images

The Difference a Year Can Make

This week, I sat in the waiting room of my GI doctor for my 6-month check up. As I sat there waiting to be called back, I was struck with the realization of the difference a year can make. This time last year {give or take a few days}, I was waiting in the same room, but my heart was filled with fear and questions. I had been diagnosed with Crohn's disease just weeks before, had been on a steroid regimine to reduce inflammation, and was waiting to talk with my GI about what life would look like moving forward. I had no idea what was ahead and was having a hard time processing all that was happening. I was so scared, and it took everything in me to hold back the tears.

As I sat in the waiting room a year later, the appointment felt routine, and I was much more confident about what I was facing. The strangers from a year ago had become familiar faces, nurses and a doctor whom I have grown to trust. And the news was a lot better too; my GI said that as far as Crohn's patients go, I am doing really well, and they are going to continue digging for answers to my medication expense. I praise God for His care in my life and for my progress. My 6-month check ups can now become yearly check ups, and I am so thankful for continued health.

It certainly hasn't been an easy year, and there are still times when I struggle with the sickness the Lord has allowed in my life. It is certainly discouraging when my medication price increases {which it did again, recently}. But I was reminded yesterday of how faithful He is to walk us through the difficult things of life. I am grateful for how much better I feel after a year of treatment, and for the ability to even treat my disease. And I am humbled every time the Lord provides {this time, a raise and a bonus that will help us pay for my medicine this year. Another Ebenezer Stone.}

I believe this is a "thorn in my flesh," as it certainly keeps me humbled and dependent on Jesus. In my hours of doubt and discouragement, I can draw courage from Paul's example.

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

I pray every day for a cure {a lot more than Paul's 3 pleadings!}, but for now the Lord has said "no." So for now I lean on the same promise that He gave to Paul: His grace is sufficient for me. I pray that I can learn from Paul's example, that I can be truly content in my weakness and use Crohn's as a way to boast of the power of Christ.

Crohn's Chronicles :: Humira Cost Provision REVISION

So I needed to update this post. Today I am struggling because the FANTASTIC news I thought I had received was well-intentioned, but sadly misinformed.

So...about the FANTASTIC news regarding my Humira costs...

Right before we wrapped up my 6-month check-up, I decided to ask my doctor what my options were for paying for my medication. With the cost of Humira going up, I knew I needed to have a game plan for how I was going to tackle a lifetime of inevitable increases. You may or may not know, but there simply are no generic brands available for Humira {or Cimzia, it's competitor on the market}. Because they are considered "biologics" they fall under different laws/regulations than other medications. Unless these laws are changed, there may never be generic versions. So those who require these types of medications may always face the rising cost of "designer drugs."

My doctor asked if I had insurance: yes, and it pays 70% of the cost {so thankful}. He asked if I was enrolled in the Humira Protection Plan: yes, but I was told the benefits ran out a few months ago, so while they will cover a little less than 70% of that remaining amount {very thankful, for sure}, I am still left with a fairly high out-of-pocket expense every month {we're talking hundreds. per month.} And that doesn't account for the cost of check ups, blood work, vaccinations, etc. He referred me to his nurse, because he thought it sounded really high but wasn't sure.

Long story short...when I told her what I was paying, she told me I should only be paying $5.00 per month. 5 dollars. 1 Mr. Lincoln. When I asked her about the benefit running out, she said that I just sign up for a new card.  Unfortunately there are always restrictions. It sounded too good to be true, and it was. Unfortunately, our out-of-pocket after what insurance pays exceeds a $500 maximum that the Humira Protection Plan will apply each month. So I am still responsible for the balance, which is way higher {remember. hundreds. per month} than a $5 co-pay. And you cannot just sign up for a new card. You get one card only.

We have readjusted our budget, making major cutbacks to accommodate the crazy expense, and we were paying too much the entire time? I wanted to hug her right there in the exam room. Inside I was holding back the tears, screaming "do you have any idea what this means???" I believe so much in how much Humira has helped me that I would gladly pay more than $5 for the medication {we were doing what we needed to make it work}. But there is simply no reason to pay more than you should if there is assistance available. And it's comforting to know that I have access to affordable treatment for Crohn's. That may not always be the case, but for someone who is looking at a lifetime commitment of managing the disease, every little bit {for however long} helps. We will still need to continue our cutbacks to accommodate this crazy expense because I still believe in how much Humira has helped me. And unfortunately, my health is dependent on it. Because of my particular situation with my insurance company, they mandate which pharmacy at which I fill my prescription. So I am stuck {for now} with the price the pharmacy has contracted with Humira. Not all insurance companies mandate a particular pharmacy, but rather allow you shop around. If this is the case for you, SHOP around. The lower the total cost of the drug, the lower your out-of-pocket could be.

I still LOVE my doctor and am still thankful for his willingness to talk through all of my crazy questions/thoughts/ concerns/fears. And I am still so thankful for his nurse, who has done a lot of leg work on my behalf to make sure I have access to affordable care. She may not have had all of the information, but she was willing to go to bat for me, for which I am grateful. At least I may be able to help a patient in the future have better information. I am also thankful for a job whose leadership works hard to keep our premiums low and our benefits helpful. We recently switched insurance providers at work, which always instills a little fear of whether or not my doctors and medication will be covered. But the Lord has even taken care of that for us, even placing my medication on a better coverage tier, which will help with increases in the future. They told me that all injectables are rejected under our new plan, but that if I have a prior letter of authorization from my doctor, they will cover it. They also said that I can choose my pharmacy, which means I can find one with a better pricing contract with Humira {i.e. lower cost}. My plea for prayer is that this is really the case, and I'm not just getting the run around again. They could only provide me information under a dummy account, but we won't know for sure until I am an official member under the plan. {Kind of makes it hard to shop around for an insurance plan that makes sense for you, doesn't it? Sigh.}

I just see this as God's incredible provision. He knew I would be diagnosed with Crohn's, and when we thought we had to pay the higher prices, He provided. When we were stretched thin in our budget and didn't see how we could make it work, He provided. When we were not sure how things would be covered, He provided. Again, I realize things could change in a moment, but I know that somehow, some way, He will always provide. In the midst of the frustration and disappointment of the changed news, I am repeating these words to myself today. It's just as true now as when I thought this had been resolved and the news was better. My raise took affect this month, which was one of our Ebenezer Stones for how He provided when the total cost of Humira {and thus our out-of-pocket expense} went up last month. God is still good and still worthy of praise. And I know He will provide. Even if the provision looks different than what I wanted.

High Five for Friday!

{one} Our sweet niece made her debut early!! Little Presley Kate arrived on Tuesday morning, and we were able to go visit her on Wednesday evening. I might be a biased aunt, but she's perfect and absolutely adorable :) Both mom and baby are doing well, and I couldn't be more excited for Ben and Lindsay!

Proud Aunt Erin with precious baby girl!!

{two} I found out this week that the AWP {Average Wholesale Price} of my Humira injections increased. I realize that happens with medications all the time, but when you already rearranged your budget to accommodate a small car payment, a $50 increase is a lot. I know I need to prepare myself for a lifetime of increases, but it's still hard to swallow at first...

{three} Hello work week back after vacation. Kicked. My. Butt. Ha- talk about getting back to reality! Of course, it probably seemed worse because my sweet co-worker was out on vacation this week...but I guess it was only fair since she filled in for me last week :) Some goods news came this week though; I got somewhat of a promotion and a raise!! {hello perfect provision for Humira cost increase!} I knew that I would be receiving added responsibilities with the bank going public, and so we are going to try a few new things in the coming months. While it will certainly mean more work, I am actually excited about the new challenges ahead. The raise is a nice bonus too! :)

{four} Thursday we had our second discussion in the Faith & Culture series at Coffee Squared in downtown McKinney. This sesson's topic was Defining Marriage. Mike did a great job navigating this hot button issue, and we had a great turnout!

{five} This weekend is also our second Vision Night for people to come hear about the direction and vision of our church. We will have BBQ and an opportunity to share what the Lord is doing through Redeemer Church in McKinney. We have a number of people interested in hearing more and possibly joining us in this adventure, so please pray that the Lord would begin to sow the seeds to grow His church!