We have shared much of
our Embryo Adoption story here on this blog. If you have been around for awhile, then you know that it is something that is near and dear to our hearts. The fact that we are now preparing to welcome a 3rd snowflake baby into our family is such a gift from the Lord, "who is able to do more abundantly than all that we ask or think." {Ephesians 3:20}
When we first started this journey, we prepared to welcome, but then said goodbye, to 6 precious babies. It was a heartbreak that only compounded our grief from infertility, but the Lord was faithful to sustain us. We decided to try again and were matched with 4 more embryos. We transferred the first 2, and we got to hold Eli and Maddie in our arms for the first time in November 2016.
That's the super quick recap of what we have shared so far, so I thought I would do a little Q&A for how snowflake baby #3 came to be! :)
How long was this embryo frozen?
This embryo was frozen at the same time as Eli and Maddie {March 2009}. This little one was frozen for over 8.5 years before it was thawed and transferred. Again, the length of time embryos are frozen is less of an indicator of success than the freezing technique and embryo grade that can sometimes indicate success. But even then, you never know...
this sweet baby was born after being frozen for
24 years {long before modern freezing techniques}!
Is this baby genetically related to Eli and Maddie?
Yes! This baby is a full genetic sibling to Eli and Maddie. So while Mike and I are not genetically linked to our babies, our babies are all genetically linked to each other :)
Didn't you have 2 embryos left?
Yes, we did. As much as we love having twins, we much preferred not to have a second set :) So we wanted to transfer one embryo at a time, to lower our chances of twins. We actually transferred one embryo in November 2017, but unfortunately did not get pregnant. I wrote a post about our sweet Connor
here. Thankfully, we were able to move right into another cycle to transfer our last remaining embryo {baby #3}.
Did you have to do anything with your agency before you transferred this embryo?
Not at all! We were/are still in contact with Nightlight because we provided quarterly updates for Eli and Maddie's 1st year, and will provide yearly updates going forward. Once we saw baby #3's heartbeat, we let them know about both of our transfers, because they track all of the adopted embryos. But since the embryos were legally ours at the time we signed contracts, there was nothing additional we needed to do with Nightlight before these last transfers. We will provide updates for baby #3, the same as we did/will for Eli and Maddie. And as always, our agency is our link to our genetic family.
What about the genetic family? Did you tell them, and how do they feel about baby #3?
At the time we let our agency know about our successful transfer, we also asked them to communicate our news to the genetic family. If you'll remember, we have a semi-open relationship with them, so all of our communication goes through our agency. To date, we have not received a response, but that's ok. We respect their decisions on when and how they choose to communicate, but we hope and pray that our news is a source of joy and peace for them.
How do you already know the baby is a boy?
Many people asked us if we knew the gender at the time of transfer. With embryos, there is the opportunity to know the gender if you do genetic testing on them. We did NOT do this {as it poses risks to the embryo}. But you CAN do a blood test after 9 weeks of pregnancy to do cursory genetic testing, and thus find out the gender. The test analyzes fetal DNA in the mother's blood, looking for traces of the Y chromosome. And if I have the option to know at 9 weeks vs. 18 weeks...you can bet I'm going to find out sooner :)
Why did you CHOOSE to have 3 under 2?
This is probably going to be a question for a lot of people. Probably the question running through strangers' minds as our three-ring circus heads out in public. Because the reality is that yes, we did CHOOSE to have our babies close together. This wasn't a surprise; by scheduling a transfer cycle, we literally planned out on the calendar when we would have this baby. And the even crazier part? I would have done the transfers
sooner, if I hadn't experienced
that whole crazy tumor incident!
There was a lot that went into our decision, so I'll try to be brief-ish:
- Reason #1: We started late, and I'm not getting any younger. I know LOTS of women have babies after 35 with no problem. And my age is even less of a factor, since it doesn't matter how old my eggs are...because I didn't have to use mine! But I was able to actually plan and have my babies before 35, so I took that opportunity.
- Reason #2: My health is never a guarantee. I have an incurable autoimmune disease. By God's grace, I am in remission, but that could change at any time. And I cannot get pregnant while my disease is active; it's unsafe for both me and baby. Around this time is when many people see either a recurrence of their symptoms or a rejection of their treatment. Again, by God's grace, my disease is in remission. So while my health is in a good place, it's the best time to have another baby. I didn't want to wait too long and risk having complications that would delay a possible pregnancy by possible years.
- Reason #3: Our babies were frozen, waiting for us. This was actually the main driving factor behind our decision. We knew we only wanted to transfer 1 embryo at a time. If we had been successful with the transfer in November, then we would still have 1 embryo remaining that would be frozen close to 10 years before we were able to go back for it. Embryos don't necessarily have a shelf life, but we just didn't want to keep our embryos waiting for long. So much can happen, and I always worried that something would happen and we wouldn't be able to go back for our remaining embryo{s}. The Lord would be sovereign over their lives and would have provided answers in those circumstances, for sure. But as much as they were our responsibility, we wanted to give them the best chance at life, so we were more than comfortable with going back for earlier transfers. It's hard to explain, but when your babies are waiting for you...you try to get to them just as soon as you can. Not everyone feels this way, and that's ok. But it's how we felt, so it's partly why we are having 3 under 2 :)
- Reason #4: There is a comfort and peace in closing this part of our journey. We prayed for so long to get our family. We walked a long and heartbreaking road to get here. And even as we have experienced the joy of pregnancy and having our babies, it has not been easy. We are thankful for Embryo Adoption, but we are ready to close the fertility side of things. All of the doctor appointments, hormones, injections, procedures, waiting, anxiety, fears, losses, etc...it's exhausting- physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually. So to know now that we can close that chapter of our lives, brings an incredible amount of relief and freedom. Would we have happily walked through a few more years of it all to have all 4 of our babies in our arms? Absolutely. But we are at peace with the Lord's timing and plans, and we are thankful for the graces of bringing this part of our journey to a close.
- Reason #5: Why not? We are not naive; we know it will be hard. There are hard days with twins when I ask myself, "what on earth have I done? I'm losing my mind with 2, what am I going to do with 3??" But we have walked through a lot of hard, and the Lord has always been faithful. We have walked the craziness of newborn twins, and so we are actually looking forward to "just one." We are excited about our kiddos being so close in age, and we are praying they have just the sweetest of sibling relationships because of it. Most people I have talked with who have had their babies close together have said that it was really hard for about 5 years...but then it got better and they would hands down do it all over again. So here we go!
Is this the end of your Embryo Adoption journey?
In the most literal sense, yes. Since infertility is what led us to pursue Embryo Adoption in the first place, this will be our last pregnancy {cue all the tears and emotions}. We have transferred all of the embryos in our custody, and we do not plan to pursue any additional embryos with another donor family. Our only relationship with Nightlight moving forward will be to provide our contractual updates and to communicate with our genetic family.
But in a broader sense, no. I say that because we are now going to be raising 3 snowflake babies. So I would say that now our Embryo Adoption journey shifts. Before, we were focused on growing our family. Now, we will be focused on raising our family. As we begin to share their Embryo Adoption story with them, there will inevitably be questions. Our "where do babies come from?" conversation will include additional details on their unique origins. There are aspects of their story that may be difficult to understand or come to terms with, so we will be navigating Embryo Adoption in a new way. But we pray that ultimately, the Lord uses their story to draw them each to Him, that their unique adoption story will help them better understand the spiritual adoption that is available to them through Christ.
Embryo Adoption has been such a blessing to our lives, so if I can somehow provide information, insight, or encouragement to someone seeking fertility options, I would love to be able to do that! It is not for everyone, but it is an amazing option that I want more people to be aware of. So I believe that part of our continued journey through Embryo Adoption will be advocacy.
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I have been blogging along the way {behind the scenes}, so if anyone is interested, I will be including our timeline for 2017 and 2018-to-date tomorrow. It's a helpful record for me, and we love sharing our story!
