A Look Back at a Decade

Since we're starting a new decade, I thought it would be beneficial for me to sit and look back over the past 10 years. See what all has happened, what has changed, how much I have {or haven't} grown. But the more I looked back, the more I was overwhelmed by the grace and faithfulness of God. So I thought I would record that here, as a reminder of God's goodness to me. 

When the decade opened up {way back in 2010}, I was single, working as an Account Manager for an insurance broker, studying to earn commercial property insurance designations. While it wasn't my favorite job, it allowed me opportunities to travel, as well as serve in the 20s group at my church. I learned that I have a love of discipling women, and I was able to do that as a Bible study leader. 

And over the next 10 years, I got a front row seat to God's sovereignty and provision through work, ministry, and family...

I started dating Mike, got engaged, and then got married! We moved to McKinney, planted a church, saw people come to know, love, and serve Jesus. We closed our church and shepherded our people into other churches. By God's grace, we still have sweet relationships with many of these same people, getting to see them on a semi-regular basis. We bought a house!

I watched God provide a new job through a faithful prayer warrior who kindly asked how she could pray for my then-barista husband. I became an Executive Assistant at a local community bank, which ultimately went public, and acquired multiple banks. I stopped working full time but stayed on in a part-time, work-from-home position, and have now done that longer than I actually worked in the office. 

I was diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease, but have seen God use that disease to make me more dependent on Him. I have watched Him put and keep my disease in remission, repeatedly providing financially for the medication needed to do that.

We walked the heartbreaking road of infertility, losing 7 babies along the way. But in the midst of our sorrow, the Lord introduced us to the beautiful option of Embryo Adoption, through which I was able to give birth to my adopted babies! I became a mama to 3 beautiful snowflake babies, survived the first crazy year of twins AND 3 babies under 3 years old.

I have watched God miraculously heal a pituitary macro adenoma {tumor}...like, it was there on the MRI scan, and then it wasn't. I watched him cure my dad of prostate cancer. I experienced Him spare my life after massive blood loss from a retained placenta, and then provide healing after postpartum anxiety/depression. 

Now as the the decade has come to a close, I am married, busy being a full time mama to 3 toddlers {while also working part-time from home}. We are getting ready to serve as Community Group leaders in our church, praying for what the Lord has for us next in ministry. 

And I am absolutely overwhelmed by God's goodness and grace. To look back over the last 10 years and see all that He has done, all that He has provided...I am beyond thankful and completely humbled. As we look ahead to this new decade, as we plan and pray and dream, I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for our family. There can be a little fear and uncertainty, as we are not exactly sure what that will look like. And in the craziness of raising little people, it's sometimes hard to see past meal planning and just making it to bedtime. But I know that whatever happens over the next 10 years, my God is good and sovereign and faithful. I can trust Him whether we face heartache or joy. Because He has proven Himself faithful over and over. He will be the same in 10 years, a steady, reassuring presence. A generous, loving Father.

That Time Jesus Spared My Life

I have been trying to figure out if and how I wanted to write this post. The last couple of months have been crazy on a good day, so it has been hard to find the time to sit and write. But I have also had a lot of emotions to process. I don't want to sound over dramatic, but the fact of the matter is that I had a fairly traumatic medical emergency, and it left me feeling pretty anxious. 

I have always wanted this blog to be an account of my journey...to the heart of God, how He takes care of me, what He is teaching me, the blessings He bestows in my life. Now that I have had a little more time to process, I know that I want to have a record of all the Lord has done. And my counselor has encouraged me to tell my story. While I have had my anxious moments {and am still trying to work through that}, there are countless ways the Lord showed up on September 18th. And I don't ever want to forget it.

So if you'll allow me to recount what happened and record the gracious hand of God on my life...

Forewarning: I will try to spare some details, but I will also be talking about blood and other medical issues. Just a heads up, in case that's not your thing. You can skip past the Medical Emergency section :)

Medical Emergency- What I Remember

When Aiden was born on August 26th, I had another fairly large hemorrhage at the time of delivery. It was enough that I needed a blood transfusion, but it seemed not to be as severe as the one with the twins, because I was alert and able to enjoy those first few hours with my baby boy. The doctor just said I was a bleeder, I got my transfusion, and all was well. I went home, and didn't have any other issues. 

On September 18th, Aiden woke up to eat around 2am. I pulled him out of his bassinet and sat up to get ready to feed him and felt a huge, warm gush. It didn't stop, so I woke Mike up and told him he needed to take Aiden so I could run to the bathroom. By the time I took the 4 steps to the bathroom, my clothes were soaked through, and I was standing in my own blood. I started to panic because it was coming fast and not stopping. I told Mike that I thought I needed to go to the hospital, but not to come into the bathroom, because it was starting to look like a crime scene. He asked me if we needed to call 9-1-1, and I immediately said yes. I knew there was no way we would make it to the hospital on our own, and I didn't know what we would do with our kiddos. 

I hopped in the shower because I didn't know what else to do. The bleeding was still fast and still not stopping, and was soaking through everything I used to try to stop it. While he called 9-1-1 {still holding my hungry Aiden boy}, I just sat in the shower and watched my blood wash down the drain. It was in that moment that I started to feel scared, thinking that I might actually bleed out in my bathroom. The paramedics didn't take long to get to the house, but time seemed to stand still. 

When they got there, I was still alert {a huge praise and miracle, given how much I was losing}, and I was able to walk to the stretcher and answer their questions. Poor Mike looked so helpless and didn't know what to do with Aiden. The poor paramedic felt so bad, but gently had to tell us that Aiden couldn't go with me in the ambulance, because he didn't have a way to secure him. I am thankful the Lord kept me conscious and alert enough to remember that we had some formula and bottles in a box in the nursery "just in case." I remember telling Mike that he would have to give Aiden a bottle. I don't remember wheeling through the house, but I do remember when we got outside {I could feel the warm air} and when they loaded me into the ambulance. I was conscious, but barely. My eyelids were so heavy, and I just remember feeling so tired and sluggish. But I do remember the ambulance ride, the IV, giving the paramedic some basic information. He was beyond kind and took such good care of me.

I remember them saying we had arrived at the hospital, but I don't remember being in the ER. I remember seeing my OB at some point, a few medical conversations here and there, someone telling me I had lost too much blood and didn't have time to pump {because I remember asking several times about that during the day}, a loud machine and people talking while I was in a procedure, the sweet nurse who got me a heated blanket...but I didn't really know what happened between the time I arrived at the hospital and the time I woke up in recovery that afternoon. I was able to piece together more information from Mike and my doctor later that evening.

Medical Emergency- Filling in the Gaps of What Happened

When I arrived in the Emergency Room, they gave me 2 units of blood. My OB {Dr. Banks} was called in to do an emergency D&C to try to stop the bleeding. It was during that procedure that they discovered that I had retained placenta. She was able to remove that {a small 2cm piece} and ordered another 2 units of blood, because I continued to bleed through that procedure.

I don't really know when Dr. Dani got involved {perhaps she was at the hospital? or Dr. Banks consulted with her since she was at Aiden's delivery?}, but she arrived and made the call to the Interventional Radiologist to get the OR prepped, just in case. She knew that if I was going to continue bleeding after the D&C, it would be pretty immediate, and that I would need to immediately go into a second procedure. Not that Dr. Banks didn't know...she did. It was a joint effort by a lot of doctors and nurses that day.

I came out of the D&C, and I do remember feeling nauseated, getting sick, and feeling another large, warm gush. Nurse Tracy was the one who knew that wasn't right and immediately called Dr. Dani. I mention this sweet nurse because Dr. Dani later told me that my nurse care made all the difference for me that day.

So I was wheeled into the OR for a Uterine Artery Embolization. I was in and out of sleep and remember hearing the noise of the imaging machine moving and pieces of conversations about sizing for some part of the procedure. Basically, they went through my femoral artery to get to my uterus, where they placed 5 coils inside to stop the bleeding. After hours of bleeding, 4 units of blood, and massive amounts of medication, the bleeding stopped almost immediately. I was able to meet Dr. Pong {the Interventional Radiologist} the next day and personally thank him for {literally} helping to save my life.

I was then wheeled into a special recovery room where I had my own individual nurse, who was so sweet to bring me a heated blanket that resembled bubble wrap. I was there for a few hours, where they observed me to be sure I didn't bleed anymore. The next procedure would have been a hysterectomy. I wasn't allowed to move for several hours, needing to remain still and lie on my back so I didn't bother the incision. Mike was finally able to see me for a few minutes, and by this time, it was already after lunch.

I stayed a little longer in recovery before I was taken to my hospital room where Mike, Aiden, and a blessed breast pump were waiting. It had been over 13 hours since I had been able to nurse/pump, and it was such a relief to finally be able to do that. There was some question about a medication I was taking, so I had to pump and dump, so I am so thankful that Aiden took to bottles of formula so well. 

I stayed overnight, but then was able to go home the next day. I was put on 4 weeks of lifting restrictions, but otherwise was given a good prognosis.

How the Lord Took Care of Me

This could be a post in itself, but for now, I would like to just make a list of all the ways the Lord showed up in all the details of that day. Because there are so many things that had to go right at the right time that day for me to be here sharing my story. That's a big thing to process, and I am still working through that. But I am so thankful for God's watch-care over my life. 

• The Monday before was my first day running solo with all 3 kiddos. I am so thankful this didn't happen while I was home alone with them.
• I am thankful this didn't happen with the twins {as it easily could have}. Because then we would still have had 2 waiting embryos. And then we wouldn't have our precious Aiden...
• I am thankful that I didn't have one bit of pain in the whole ordeal. 
• The Lord lined up all of the right paramedics, nurses, and doctors that day. Each was undistracted, paying close attention, which made all the difference in the immediacy and accuracy of my care. It could have easily been different.
• Living in Melissa, the closest hospital is the one where I delivered Aiden. If we had still been living in Plano, I would have been taken to a different hospital. I wouldn't have had the care of my own OB, or the OB who had delivered Aiden. That also could have easily made a difference...
• I am thankful that Dr. Dani insisted on a transfusion after Aiden's delivery. I could have been anemic when all the bleeding started, which could have changed things.
• I am thankful that Dr. Banks was able to quickly identify the cause of the bleeding {retained placenta} and remove all remaining pieces. I am also thankful that she took extra precautions, as she was convinced the D&C wasn't going to be enough {and she was right}. 
• I am thankful that Dr. Pong was available and willing to be "on-call" when Dr. Dani called him. He was ready and waiting for me when I started bleeding again, so I was able to go into that second procedure as quickly as possible. There was no lag time.
• Mike had a hard time getting ahold of someone after the ambulance took me. My aunt {who was our on-call person when Aiden was born} usually turns her phone off at night, especially when all of her kids are home {which they were that night}, but she "just happened" to leave it on. She was able to get to the house {along with Mike's mom} to be there when the twins woke up so that Mike could head to the hospital.
• Our kiddos had no idea all this happened. Eli and Maddie were sleeping and got to wake up to Granny and my aunt {people who had already taken care of them and people they have lots of fun with}, and Aiden got to hang out with Daddy and Aunt Lindsay in the hospital. They all rolled with the punches and did really well.
• I am thankful for the prayers that were lifted up on my behalf. All the prayer chains were running, and I know the Lord answered countless prayers.
• I am thankful for all of our family who stepped in to help. For Mike's mom who was able to get to Eli and Maddie before they woke up. For my parents who were able to make the trip up and get to them by that afternoon. For Lindsay, who was able to hold and comfort Aiden, as well as keep Mike distracted and calm. 
• I am thankful for my husband, who held us all together in a crisis. He doesn't usually get rattled, and usually goes into "take charge" mode, so I shouldn't be surprised. But I am thankful the Lord kept him calm and clear headed to manage all the details on that scary day. 

Looking Forward

One of the conversations I remember having in between procedures is about whether or not we were done having kids. It was a brief conversation while I was in and out of consciousness, but I do remember having it. The second procedure was more of a permanent fix {metal coils}, but it would leave my uterus compromised. So I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again. And at the time, we were looking at the possibility of a full hysterectomy. We could have opted for a temporary fix {gel coils}, but they were recommending the metal coils. We have given all of our embryos a chance at life, and we knew we wouldn't adopt any more embryos. So we had no plans of getting pregnant again, and the answer was easy to give. But it has still been hard for me to process the finality of that. I guess there was always that small part of me that wanted to hold out hope that God would do that crazy miracle of our own genetic child after all was said and done... but while the finality of not being pregnant again is hard {especially since it was given in such a quick, emergency situation}, I am thankful there is finality to it. I don't have to have that thought in the back of my mind, that "but what if...?" There's a peace in that answer, and I am thankful for it, even if it is hard and a little sad.

I had my follow up with the doctor, and all checks out well. My lifting restrictions were removed, and physically, I am back to normal. I shouldn't experience any other complications related to that day, and there is even a small chance that the procedure could help my endometriosis {a random benefit}. I am not allowed to get pregnant, but my cycles should be normal, and there should be no chance of recurrence. 

I do believe that not being able to pump/nurse for so long that day is what started my struggles with plugged ducts and ultimately mastitis. And given all that my body had been through, just simply being 3 weeks postpartum and then the trauma of that day, it was just too much to recover. I am sad that our breastfeeding journey came to a quick end {especially since it was going so well!}, but I am super thankful that Aiden transitioned so well. It's not the story I wanted, but it was the one the Lord had written for us.

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Sorry for the long and detailed post. Like I said, I want to have a record of that day and all the Lord has done. While I am physically ok, I am still dealing with the emotional fallout of that day. I had a moment while I was waiting for the paramedics to arrive where I felt the fear of possibly dying. And then to later have the doctor confirm how close I actually was to dying...it's a lot to take in. I am sure the Lord has a lot to show me still. But for now, I am just filled with gratitude for how Jesus spared my life.

Family of Five

We are beyond thankful for our sweet little family of five {!} Just a few short years ago, we were in the midst of infertility and loss, and we were not sure what the Lord had planned for our family. We dreamed of sweet moments like these, but we were facing the reality of them staying just that: dreams. It was a dark time for our hearts, and it was a challenge to remain joyful in the midst of so much pain and uncertainty. But the Lord was with us every step of the way, graciously walking the difficult road with us, comforting our hearts, leading the way through the valley.

Fast forward a few years, and now we are in the midst of the craziness of 3 kiddos under 2. Life is busy and full and chaotic...and we wouldn't have it any other way. We are so overwhelmed by all that the Lord has gifted to us in these 3 beautiful blessings. We have only to look into their sweet faces and see the beauty and grace and love of our God. We have daily {moment by moment} reminders of how God takes our brokenness and makes us whole. How He redeems even the darkest of stories. How He is faithful to those whom He loves. 

Three beautiful babies is not the end to everyone's infertility story. Oh how I desperately wish it was, because I am so incredibly blessed by what the Lord has provided in these tiny people! But for His children, redemption and love are always the end of God's story. So dear one, if you are still waiting, still struggling, still dreaming...lean into Jesus. He has not forgotten you, and He wants to create beauty out of your ashes too. 

We have been given an incredible gift of grace in how our story has unfolded. We will forever be grateful for Embryo Adoption and how it has helped us build our family. We always keep our donor family at the forefront of our minds, because without their generous gift, we would not have Eli, Maddie, or Aiden. We are thankful for the reminder of God's goodness and faithfulness in our little rainbows after the storm. And we are humbled and grateful for our little family of five. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Our Little Tiebreaker...

2 MRI's. Several visits with an endocrinologist, a neuro-ophthalmologist, and a neurosurgeon. 1 healed tumor {praise God!} Another mock transfer. Another hysteroscopy. 1 colonoscopy. The continued gift of embryo adoption. Repeated blood work. 2 FET's. Still 0 insurance coverage. Another little one born into heaven. 89 additional PIO shots. Some more waiting. More tears. Several more prayers. STILL an amazingly faithful God.

We are so excited to announce that our family is growing AGAIN! Our little tiebreaker is set to arrive in August 2018!

Just like Eli and Maddie, this sweet baby BOY is both a rainbow and a snowflake baby. We will forever be grateful for the beautiful gift of Embryo Adoption! We are amazed at all the Lord has done, and how He continually shows His grace over and provision for our family.

Eli and Maddie's onesies each say "Baby Bear"...I had this whole grand plan of my baby bears announcing our new "Lil Cub" but they were more interested in taking the letters off the felt letter board than announcing their baby brother. Haha. Getting 2 toddlers to sit still, show their shirts, look at the camera, AND smile is pretty much impossible. Oh well :)  

That Time Jesus Healed My Tumor

I briefly mentioned a couple of months ago that I have had some more health issues come up. And I promised to update when I had some more information. Sorry it has taken so long, but there were a lot of doctors and tests to get through. Everything has come back, and I am just in awe of all that the Lord has done in 4 short months!

So just a little background on what has been going on...

In April, I had some blood work done after I had been experiencing some postpartum issues {completely unrelated to this and resolved separately}. It showed an elevated prolactin level {and I was no longer breastfeeding}, so my OB sent me for an MRI. At the time, I thought it was overkill, but my husband {who was right} made me go, because I didn't think I needed to :) 

The MRI showed that I had a pituitary macro adenoma, a large tumor on my pituitary gland {mine was 12mm}. Tumors sound scary. Tumors in your brain sound even scarier...and trust me I was scared! So the next 4 months were filled with appointments; I saw a neurosurgeon, an endocrinologist, and a neuro-opthamologist. I had multiple hormone and vision tests done. 

Along the way, I learned a few things about pituitary tumors: 

• They are not actually classified as brain tumors {the pituitary gland is at the base of your brain, behind your eyes}
• They don't really know what causes them; they're just abnormal growths. 
• 99% of these tumors are benign, so cancer was never part of the conversation.
• The concern is more for headaches, vision loss, and impaired pituitary function {which can cause other major health problems}.
• Prolactinomas {prolactin-producing tumors} can be treated with medication; non-functioning pituitary adenomas are usually treated with surgery.

Thankfully, all of my testing came back normal; I wasn't experiencing any vision loss and/or underlying hormonal issues. I also learned that mine was not a prolactinoma, so medication was not an option to treat it. My elevated prolactin level could have been from the tumor pressing on my pituitary gland {stalk effect}. I was sent back to the neurosurgeon to discuss next steps.

I had a repeat MRI a few weeks ago to check the status of the tumor. Because all of my hormone and vision levels came back normal, I was gearing up for a conversation about surgery. These tumor are usually slow growing, but we didn't want my headaches to increase or my vision to be affected. I had done my research, and Mike and I were preparing for what recovery would look like {with 2 babies}. I had already made my peace with what the Lord had laid before us, and really was just ready to get the surgery date set and done.

So when the neurosurgeon walked in and said, "you are fine; this is nothing," I was shocked. And a little confused. This was not the conversation I was expecting, the conversation for which I had prepared. He said that the MRI was showing that the tumor was only 2 to 3mm and looked more like a cyst at this point. He said there was no need for surgery, and he wouldn't expect there ever to be a need for surgery. He was not worried in the slightest and told me that I shouldn't worry either. He wants me to have another MRI in a year, just to check on it again, but there was no need to take any action right now.

So I had a large tumor at the base of my brain 4 months ago...and now I don't.

The neurosurgeon went on with a lot of medical speak for why it might be a small one now, or it might not be a tumor at all, but none of it mattered. Because I know that my God healed it. I shouldn't have been surprised by this, but admittedly, I was. To be honest, I hadn't even really asked Him to heal it. Others had, and I am so grateful for their faithful prayers. Instead, I had just prayed for wisdom and strength to face this new health issue. It was just the next in a long line of health issues I expect in my lifetime. 

I never had any doubt that God could heal the tumor; I absolutely believe He has the power to do that. I just never thought He would. You see, for so long, I have prayed for God to heal my health issues {Crohn's, endometriosis, infertility, etc}, and His answers up to this point have always been "no" or "I have a different plan for you." I have processed through that with Him, and I am learning to trust that He is good, despite not receiving the answers I want. And I often daydream about the day when my body will be healed and whole. 

But somewhere along the way, I had just forgotten that sometimes He says "yes" and actually performs the unbelievable and allows us to experience the impossible. How great is our God??

If this post had been an update on the size of my tumor and how I was heading to surgery, He would still be worthy of all praise. He would still be God, He would still be good, and He would still deserve all the glory. But because I have personally experienced and witnessed the healing of a tumor, I will sing praises for my God as Healer. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Embryo Adoption :: God's Plan for Our Family

The day we were diagnosed with infertility was such a dark day for us. In an instant, our dreams of becoming parents to genetic children vanished. We couldn't understand why the Lord wouldn't allow us to have genetic children, and we felt so overwhelmed with that loss. But the Lord brought peace in the midst of the devastating news, and we have seen His grace pour out. While the initial shock of our lack of treatment options was difficult to process, we can look back now and see God's hand of protection in that diagnosis. While we were frustrated that He skipped all other options, we see now how He was protecting us from a possibly more heartbreaking process, but more importantly preparing us for the family He had always intended for us. Walking through infertility has been a difficult and trying season, but the Lord has been carefully and tenderly crafting our story. We wouldn't have chosen this road, but we also wouldn't change any part of it.

When we received our infertility diagnosis, the doctors gave us one option: IVF with ICSI. For those unfamiliar with it {we were, until we faced infertility}, it is in-vitro fertilization with intracytoplasmic sperm injection, where the sperm is injected directly into the egg, and then a resulting embryo is placed into the uterus in hopes of implantation and a pregnancy. We really had to seek the Lord in determining whether or not it was a viable option for us. There were health concerns with the intensity of hormone therapy required, and there were financial concerns as well, because we wanted to be good stewards of God's money {this treatment option is not inexpensive}.

Even before this was our only option, I had struggled with the ethical and spiritual concerns involved with IVF {number of embryos created/transferred/leftover, selective reduction, etc}. After a lot of prayer and research, we determined that with strict/specific guidelines, we could move forward with IVF with ICSI in a God-honoring, life-preserving way. But despite coming to a comfortable resolution with the IVF process, we really felt that this was not the plan God had for us in building our family.

Early in my research of assisted reproductive technologies {ART}, I had come across something called embryo adoption. Many couples who walk through IVF have embryos that were not transferred. Couples often freeze the embryos for a later IVF cycle {for additional transfers and/or siblings}, but sometimes there are still some remaining. Whether there are medical concerns or couples are simply done building their family, they must then decide what to do with these remaining embryos. They can keep them frozen indefinitely, donate the embryos to science, destroy them, or donate them to another couple. This last option is what really got us excited; what an incredible gift to bless another couple who was also walking the road of infertility!

So for embryo adoption, instead of adopting an infant or older child from their birth parents, you adopt an embryo and you become the birth parents. How incredible is that? It was an option that would allow us to not only experience pregnancy, but also provide an opportunity for life to tiny embryos. As followers of Jesus, we are both staunchly pro-life. We believe that even in this earliest stage of development, an embryo is a unique life, a person, created by God. These embryos are children, vulnerable and in need of a home, and we felt the Lord leading us to pursue this option.

There are many different ways to walk through embryo adoption {anonymous/open/semi-open, clinic/private/agency}. For a number of different reasons, we chose to do an open adoption with the help of an agency. We chose the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program through Nightlight Christian Adoptions, and we are grateful for our relationship with them. In each step of the process, we felt the Lord confirming our decision to pursue embryo adoption, and He was faithful to provide everything we needed at every step.

We knew this was something that the Lord wanted us to pursue, but it was not without its own set of heartaches and struggles. It was not a quick fix or the "perfect" answer, as we experienced such an emotional roller coaster and a pain/loss that we didn't think was possible. I shared last Fall about losing babies; at the time I was vague and didn't mention the fact that we had lost 6 of our precious babies, or that we had to start the embryo adoption process over again. And yet the Lord didn't forget us; He faithfully walked with us every step of the way, providing comfort, grace, and hope.

I will try to provide more details about the process in the future, but for now, we are just so thankful for all that the Lord has done. Of course, I will forever be thankful for embryo adoption because through it, the Lord has allowed me to experience pregnancy and become a mother. And there will never be enough words of gratitude to express to the donor families for the gifts they provided to us by making the decision to donate their embryos and entrust us with their care. 

It is incredible to me how the Lord was preparing our family, even way back in 2007 {when our first embryos were frozen}, and then again in 2009 {when our second set of embryos was frozen}. How He was walking with our sweet donor families as they experienced the struggles of infertility. How He led me and Mike to each other, walked with us in our road of infertility, and led us to embryo adoption and to each of our donor families. He allowed us to skip all other options so that we would discover and then choose this unique path to growing our family. I believe this is part of the reason we had to walk the road of infertility; because God always intended us to be the parents of these precious little ones {all 10!} How great is our God.

Level II Ultrasound

Today we went in for our Level II Ultrasound with the perinatologist {also known as a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor}. We were going to check on our babies and see how they were growing. There can be extra concerns with twins, so my OB wanted me to see this specialist to have a more in-depth sonogram. 

We got to watch our babies move and play on the ultrasound screen, which was super fun! The doctor showed us all of their tiny organs, their fingers and toes, their belly buttons, etc. It was amazing what we could see! And the really fun part is that we found out their gender...we are having a BOY and a GIRL!! Excited doesn't seem like a big enough word!

Unfortunately, my subchorionic hemorrhage is still there, but doesn't seem to be affecting our babies. I will have to deal with that for a little while longer, but as long as our babies stay healthy, I can handle that. I will have to check on that every 2-3 weeks and continue on my restrictions, but for now, babies are healthy and growing! And SUPER active :)

After several of our appointments, we have often stopped at IHOP for breakfast. So we decided to keep the tradition going, and we enjoyed a celebratory breakfast. Boy/Girl Twins! It's so fun to actually have a little glimpse of what our family will look like!

Date #14: Sonogram and IHOP #wcsavethedate16

Embryo Adoption :: Hello Babies!

Today we went in for our first ultrasound. To say I was nervous is probably an understatement!

The doctor started the ultrasound, and I immediately started crying when I saw the little bean on the screen. We could see the tiny little flicker of the heartbeat, and we were so ecstatic! She moved around a bit and said, "And here is baby #2!"

TWINS!!

Both embryos snuggled in tight! We have prayed for so long, and there are so many prayers being lifted up for these 2 babies in particular. So many happy tears!! :)

Hello babies!! :)

I am 6 weeks + 3 days, but both babies are measuring 6 weeks + 4 days {a good sign of growth!}. It was too early to hear the heartbeats, but we were able to see them flicker on the screen. It was an absolutely incredible moment. We got to see them moving as tiny embryos, and now see their tiny heartbeats. So. Much. Fun.

They also found a subchorionic hemorrhage {SCH}, which is basically a bleeding pocket. My doctor said it should resolve on its own, and she's not worried about it. They're actually very common in IVF pregnancies. It also explains the spotting that I have had. It was kind of strange to see it on the screen, and I'm praying it resolves quickly without affecting our babies.

Baby A:

- Measuring 6 weeks + 4 days at 7.26mm

- Heart Rate is 119 bpm

Baby B:

- Measuring 6 weeks + 4 days at 6.90mm

- Heart Rate is 98 bpm

My estimated due date is November 14, 2016, but it's likely our sweet little ones will come early. We go back in a couple of weeks for another ultrasound to hear the heartbeats and check on their growth. We know it's still very early, but the Lord has provided so much already. We are so thankful for this incredible DOUBLE blessing! :)

Embryo Adoption :: Blood Pregnancy Test {FET #3}

With our last 2 transfers, we waited for the nurse to call with our beta results from the blood pregnancy test. This morning I just couldn't help myself...I wanted to know the feeling of peeing on the stick and seeing those magical words {strange, I know...but not to those who have walked the road of infertility}. So I took a deep breath and saw what we have prayed so long for...

The weeks estimator is from ovulation {which in our case, would be 5 days before transfer day}, so I am actually 4 weeks pregnant

And another...because I was worried about a false positive. It took 2 seconds to show up!

I just started weeping and saying, "Jesus! YOU did that, Jesus!"  :)

I still, of course, went in for the blood pregnancy test. And it was such a beautiful moment to hear the nurse say, "Congratulations, Erin! You are pregnant!" She told me that they like to see the first number between 50 and 100. Our number? 1300. 1358 to be exact! I could hardly contain my excitement! I had prayed for 500, so that I could know beyond a shadow of a doubt. He gave me more than 1300...

Jesus. YOU did that, Jesus.

Of course, we know that we're not out of the woods, and my beta number still needs to rise in order to confirm that our babies are growing. But today we praise God for the life He has provided!

How far along? 4 weeks

Beta Number: 1358!!

Days since transfer: 10 days 

Meds: stopped taking Cabergoline; continue Metformin daily, day 30 of Estrace; day 17 of PIO

Total weight gain: -1 {better start focusing on my calorie intake!}

Maternity clothes? WAY too early :)

Sleep: I stayed up late to ensure I could fall asleep. I slept really well...until I had to pee at 4am :)

Best moment{s} of the week: seeing the positive pregnancy tests, hearing the nurse say "you are pregnant!" and seeing Mike's face when I told him the beta number

Miss anything? nope

Cravings: Pickles. No joke. Specifically the sweet gherkins. At least it's not with ice cream ;)

Symptoms: I feel pretty normal. I have been tired from the progesterone, and the last 2 days were a little stressful because I had some cramping and light spotting. But the nurse said it was probably just baby {babies?} snuggling in deeper to my uterus.

Looking forward to: hearing that our beta numbers doubled appropriately

-------

Size of baby? about the size of a poppy seed,  {teeny tiny}

Development: already growing the cell layers that are the beginnings of the nervous system, hair, skin, GI tract, pancreas, liver, thyroid, skeleton, blood system, connective tissue, urogenital system, and muscles...nothing much ;)

Heartbeat: too soon

Movement: too soon

Gender predictions? we're just hoping for 2 healthy babies!

**This post was written at 4 Weeks, but was not published until after we made our official announcement for our second pregnancy. I back-dated to the actual day so we could have all of this for our own records and memories.**

Embryo Adoption :: McCullough, Party of 12!

Today the final contracts came in, so we are now the legal owners of 4 more precious embryos!! 

{Me + Mike + 6 previously adopted embryos + 4 new embryos = 12}  :)

As I mentioned with our last embryo adoption, there are no laws that specifically govern embryo "adoption" agreements. We signed property contracts, not official adoption agreements. Any birthed children will legally be our children. But to us, we are already the parents to these tiny lives. 

So this time around, we're praying for 4 children to raise. We still have to have some conversations with my doctor regarding details, but if we transfer 2 at a time like we did last time, we'll be praying for 2 sets of twins :)

We pray that we get to meet all 4 this side of heaven, but we also know {now more than ever}, that these tiny lives are in God's hands. But since we have been entrusted with these tiny ones, we will do everything in our power to keep them safe and offer them the best chance at life.

Who would have thought we would have 10 total children??  ;)

I bought another living locket with 4 unique snowflakes to represent our snowflake babies. I had bought one with our last 6 embryos, but some of the rhinestones had fallen out. But I thought it was fitting to have a whole new necklace for our new embryos. Just like with the last locket, I will wear it until all of our babies are no longer frozen.

So now we wait for shipping coordination to happen between the two clinics. Our babies will be coming all the way from Virginia! 

Home Tour :: Sherrye Space

This new home was a gift from the Lord. With all of the big companies moving into the area {Toyota, State Farm, etc}, we were having a hard time finding something in our price range. Rental properties were going just as fast as the rest of the housing market. 

The Lord brought us this space in the perfect time. Some friends from the 20s group at Woodcreek {Lucas and Lauren} were renting this house from another set of friends {Josh and Tiffany} who are currently living in China. {Random fact: Lucas and I served in Nicaragua together}. Anyway, Lucas and Lauren were getting ready to transition out of the house and knew we were looking for a new place in the area. After visiting the house, and then Skyping with Josh and Tiffany, we had our new place! 

It works out so well for everyone involved, it's like the Lord planned it or something ;)

We are still working on personalizing the space, but we were blessed with several gift cards that have allowed us to begin making this house into "our" home. And we are thankful to Josh and Tiffany for allowing us to paint!

Welcome to our new space! :)

I LOVE that we have another red door! Sasha says "come in and play!"

Frame and "M": Michaels // Print: my own // Wicker tray, white pitcher: Home Goods // Cherry Blossoms: Kirkland's

Mirror: a wedding gift // Table, white bowl and decorative spheres: Home Goods

So excited to have a fireplace!!

I'm so glad that our coffee bar fit...the important things, you know :)

Lantern: At Home // Shutters: JoAnn's (painted myself) // Frame and clock: Hobby Lobby // Books: Mike's bookshelf :)

We inherited this fun cedar chest from Mike's great aunt- we love it and store our blankets in it

We were glad that our cabinet fit in this house; it was a purchase we made with wedding money

Kitchen/breakfast nook/laundry

Breakfast nook

This front room is still a work in progress, but we each have our respective corners ;)  And Sasha uses it as her nap room haha

Excited to have my own little craft corner!

Master bedroom

Frames: Michael's // Prints: my own

I love displaying the bowl and pitcher that Mike used to wash my feet after he proposed

Frame: Michael's // Print: Almost Noelle // Vows: made myself

Guest Room/Sasha Room. Currently working on a wood sign to display above the bed

{And no- we do not require our guests to sleep with Sasha...she comes to our room when we have guests haha}

Frame: Hobby Lobby {used at our wedding} // Print: my own

Trying to add a few amenities to the space :)

Guest bathroom...

So that's our space! We also get to enjoy a pretty sizable backyard with a covered porch, a master bathroom, and a third bedroom that is currently a storage space/staging area for the remaining decorative items that I am working on. We are so thankful for the Lord's provision!

{iPhone Rewind} :: July

It had been awhile since I updated our Ebenezer Stone collection, so I sat down to reflect on what we needed to add. The Lord has been so good to us, and it was a good reminder of all that He has done!

I received all sorts of kind words and well wishes on my last day of work. These flowers were a sweet farewell, but was only the beginning for the bittersweet day. 

By far the best message I received on my last day. It may not seem like much, but from this amazing boss {a man of few words}, it means everything :)

And the best surprise of all? The fun celebration I came home to from my hubby. Perfect ending to a lot of hard work :)

I took the plunge and chopped my hair off {again!} I have wanted to get to this length for awhile now, but was too chicken to just do it all at once, so I have been slowly getting shorter. It's taking a little getting used to, as I can't put it in a ponytail anymore, but I really do love it. It's a GREAT summer cut!

You can call me the cat lady :) I took care of several people's cats this month while they were out of town. Sweet Kane was missing his family, and was MORE than excited to see a person :)

We got A LOT of time with this little one this month! We got to play babysitter while Lindsay was getting a haircut. So we had yogurt, played in the kiddie maze, and ran around in the hot sun until we were all exhausted. It was awesome :)

We had an impromptu dinner/game night with the Daniels, and it was so much fun! Laura and I try to see each other one a week or every other week, but it's harder to get our schedules to match for us to get together as couples. So this was a fun treat! I am SO excited about moving closer to them next month!!

I realize this is ridiculous, but it was SO exciting to have real signs for our exit! We have had all kinds of makeshift signs for the entire time we have lived in McKinney. The construction continues, but it's fun to see progress!

Packing is now officially in full swing! It's so weird to be packing up our little house...but we're looking forward to the new place!