Embryo Adoption :: Our Journey {2022}

I didn't blog at all about Embryo Adoption in 2022! But that's not because it hasn't been on my mind...

I have actually thought a lot about it this year. Our story, how grateful I am for my sweet snowflake babies, how the Lord provided in ways we never could have imagined. Five years ago this month, we had our last frozen embryo transfer, and it's hard to believe that it has been that long since we were wrapping up our journey to building our family. Five years ago this month, we "met" our precious Aiden for the first time through a microscope, and we were praying that we would get to hold him in our arms.

But as the kids get older and start asking more questions and having a deeper understanding of their origins, my mind has started to shift to what their response and feelings will be toward it all. I have spent a lot of time reading the stories of donor-conceived persons, and while I have gleaned some valuable information, it has also been a little disheartening. Most of the hardship comes from the unethical nature of the entire fertility industry and the secrecy surrounding so many people's origins {something I also take issue with}. Thankfully, we have no plans to keep information from our kids, and we can use these stories to have better conversations with them. But there is a large contingency of donor-conceived people who find embryo adoption abhorrent, the worst of the industry. And while I am trying to learn and understand their perspectives, it's a hard place to be as someone who became a Mama because of, what I view as the gift of, embryo adoption. 

I am thankful that I don't have to process my children's stories solely through the lens of a {legitimately} broken and hurting group of donor conceived people. I can lean on the power and redemption of the gospel and how that {more importantly} shapes my children's identities. I can recognize the sovereign hand of God in our family's story and rest in the fact that He alone will direct their paths, however they view their origins. But gosh, I really don't want to get this wrong...

Eli and Maddie have just now started asking about where babies come from, asking questions about how they were in Mommy's tummy, and how {exactly} they came out haha. As I even look ahead to 1st grade history and science and all the topics we will cover, I know more of these conversations will start to come up. And I just want to be ready for them. So I am learning to lean on Jesus and dig into His word for wisdom. Because I know He will be faithful to give it.

Embryo Adoption :: Our Journey {2021}

Now that we are on the other side of our infertility story, in the thick of parenting our little ones, I blog only a few times a year about Embryo Adoption. It's not that it's less a part of our lives, it's just a different emphasis. The early part of our Embryo Adoption story was filled with paperwork and appointments and next steps. Now, we focus mainly on parenting, sharing their unique story, and being ready to answer questions when they arise. 

Last year, there was a little understanding of being "teeny tiny embryos, frozen in the "refreezerator." This year we introduced more details about their genetic family, specifically talking more about their genetic siblings. We have only just scratched the surface, and we haven't had many questions. But that's ok. We want to talk about their story and provide opportunities for them to ask questions, but also don't want to push it too much too early. 

January 5, 2021: 1,525 Days of Parenting {a reflection on the other side of infertility/loss}

June 15, 2021: Our Kiddos' Family Tree  

November 25, 2021: Embryo Adoption Awareness Day {I shared some books about Embryo Adoption}

As always, we are thankful for our snowflake babies and for the sweet genetic family that made our family possible. I'm thankful that they are excited to learn about their origins; it's exciting for them to know they were teeny, tiny embryos, and that they have another brother and a sister. But I also know that the excitement mostly comes from a place of very limited understanding for what that means. As they grow and learn and begin having a deeper understanding of their origins, we are praying for the Lord's guidance on how to navigate those conversations.

Embryo Adoption Awareness Day

Today also happens to be National Embryo Adoption Awareness Day! :)

Photo Credit: Embryo Adoption Awareness Center

I actually had a friend reach out recently, asking questions about our Embryo Adoption journey. In part of our conversation, we were talking about children's books on the subject, and I realized I hadn't updated my list. I provided a list of books back in 2019, but there have been several additions since then, so I thought I would review a few. I honestly don't think there has been much improvement by way of explanations {no groundbreaking, "you have to get this one" books}, but hopefully this could at least help you decide which ones might be helpful for your own family.

1. Will & Hope Have a Baby: The Gift of Embryo Donation by Irene Celcer // There are a series of these books, tailored to specific reproduction origins {sperm/egg donation, IVF, surrogacy, etc}. This book is told as the child's "special story" and uses direct language. It is pretty wordy, so definitely not for younger children. But overall, it's a good way to introduce some of the bigger terms and concepts surrounding embryo donation/adoption.

2. You Began as a Wish by Kim Bergman // This book tries to be sweet/rhyming while briefly encompassing all variations of conception. Not how I personally would like to share my kids' story with them, but a quick read if you want to start a general high-level conversation about conception and different ways to build a family.

3. Happy Together: An Embryo Donation Story by Julie Marie // A cute book about how a mommy and daddy fell in love, wanted a baby, needed help, and used donors to have a baby. Specific words are used {egg, sperm}, and it's a straightforward way of talking about embryo adoption. Overall, a cute book.

4. I Became Your Mama by Mollie Huyck // A sweet book about becoming a mother. It touches on different ways to have a baby, but it's told in a general way, in a sweet rhyme. A nice book to have in our collection, even if it's not overtly embryo adoption-specific. It's probably better to reinforce a mother's love for her child.

5. You Were Worth the Wait by Stephanie & Alex Booe // This story talks about how a mommy and daddy wanted to have a baby but had to wait. During that waiting, they had to learn a few things about how to be parents before they could meet their baby. So it didn't directly address infertility or embryo adoption, and is just a book to let the child know they were worth the wait. I put this one on the list, only because it shows up other places for infertility/embryo adoption. It's not bad, but if I had read a similar review beforehand, I might not have purchased it for us. It just doesn't start any conversations related to this specific need.

6. A Blessing From Above: An Adoption Story by Patti Henderson // This is an overall adoption story about a kangaroo who had an empty pouch. While sitting under a tree resting, a baby bird falls from its nest into the kangaroo's pouch and becomes her baby. So if you can look past the practical strangeness of the story, it could be a cute story for kids haha. You could use it as a springboard for conversation {not all families look the same, why kids may not look like parents, how birth mothers make decisions to place their children for adoption, etc}, though the book itself isn't directly bringing those things up.

Our Kiddos' Family Tree

We recently watched the Daniel Tiger episode about family trees. We had seen it before, but this was the first time that Eli and Maddie seemed to understand it more, and they immediately started asking if we could make their family tree. We have talked with them about their origins since they were born, sharing with them their unique story of embryo adoption. But of course, we have only shared what we feel like they can understand, and even then we aren't sure what their little brains process.

They know they are adopted, which to them, at this age, means they were wanted and loved and prayed for; Mommy and Daddy picked them out {I'm still working on that terminology, as I don't want them to feel like a product we picked in the store...but again, we're trying to use terms they understand right now}. They know that they were frozen as itty bitty embryos, waiting for Mommy and Daddy to meet them. We have books that we read that talk about baby seeds, or even cupcake ingredients, to help explain embryo donation and adoption. 

They know that Mommy and Daddy wanted a baby to grow our family, but that we needed help from doctors and another family for that to happen. We have talked about the basics of how the doctor put Eli and Maddie and Aiden into Mommy's belly, and that they grew there until we got to meet them and say hello. We don't talk about it every day, but the goal is that they always know their story, that they can't ever pinpoint a specific time that we told them, but rather, that they just always knew.

But beyond telling them that a very generous and sweet donor family helped Mommy and Daddy, we haven't talked about the specifics of their genetic family {names, relationships, etc}. So when they asked to make their own family tree, I knew it was time to get more specific. I sketched a rough family tree {so no judgment on execution haha}, and I still need to work on how we want to represent both their genetic and adoptive families. But I told them the names of their genetic family, the fact that they have another brother and sister, and I re-emphasized how generous and kind they were to help Mommy and Daddy. 

I have blocked out names for anonymity...obviously :)

I have to say that I was a little nervous about this. Not because I'm nervous about them knowing their genetic family; I earnestly pray that the Lord allows them to meet and have a relationship with them one day. But because I feel so nervous about getting it right. I worry about saying the wrong things, confusing them, or not adequately creating a space where they feel comfortable sharing their true feelings. Part of that comes from reading stories from donor conceived persons; and that's a whole other post for another day. But I am trying to learn what I can from this community, while also keeping in mind that the children of embryo adoption are just now becoming adults {so experiences may be shared, but could be different}. There is a lot of gross misconduct in the fertility/donor conception world, with practically zero accountability, and unfortunately it's the children that suffer. So there is understandably a lot of pain. And the last thing I would want to do is cause my kiddos' unnecessary pain. 

So I listen and learn and pray. And try to push past the uncomfortable and the nerves to answer questions and have the hard conversations, avoiding the temptation to gloss over or de-emphasize any part of their story. We recognize that their origins will always be a part of who they are and may help shape who they become, but we pray that they each ultimately find their identity securely in Christ alone.

For today, they were content with having a picture to hang on the fridge, and repeat the names of their genetic family. And that was it. No others questions. They really just wanted the drawing of their family tree like Daniel Tiger :)  But the conversation is started, and we continue sharing, explaining, helping as much as we can. We do truly believe {and know, based on our correspondence with their genetic family, and of course our own feelings haha}, that our kiddos are deeply loved and wanted. And nothing will every change that. 

1,525 Days of Parenting

We prayed for 1,095 days before we saw our first positive pregnancy test {but unfortunately, we miscarried}.

We got another positive pregnancy test on day 1,294 {and thankfully BOTH babies were born healthy!} 

It was day 1,345 before we made a public announcement.

We met Eli and Maddie on day 1,524. {And we met Aiden on day 2,186}.

And today marks day 1,525 of parenting.

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I know it seems crazy that I count days like this, but these numbers mean something to me. They represent a season of our lives where we struggled, and we labored, and we prayed. A season that we were not sure would end in the way we were hoping. It was 4 years of our lives; 4 years that challenged and changed us.

And while it was a long hard road through infertility and loss, we got our rainbows at the end of the storm! The Lord was faithful to walk with us through the valley, and He has brought an indescribable joy in our 3 little ones. We have been in the messy chaos of parenting, and sometimes it's still hard to believe that we're finally here, finally parenting the babies for which we prayed and longed.

We will forever be thankful for Embryo Adoption, and how the Lord orchestrated our story. It's how the Lord chose to make us parents, and every time I share our story, I am still amazed at all that the Lord has done.

Today marks "the other side." We have officially been parenting longer than we struggled to become parents. It reminds me of how long our original journey was, but also reminds me of how the Lord takes us through seasons. In the midst of the heartache and the uncertainty, it was really hard to imagine being on this side of it. I dreamed of today, but it was really hard to see how it would actually happen. And yet, here I am. On the other side. In an entirely new season.

So on the hard days {because parenting is amazing, but parenting is hard!}, I can remind myself that the Lord is just as faithful now as He was 4, 6, and 8 years ago. That what I think is hard now is just part of this particular season. I will look back on this time at some point in the next season, able to see better all that the Lord has done. Because in every season, He is always working, always faithful, and always good.

I really love Nichole Nordeman's song Every Season. It's a reminder of how the Lord works in various seasons. I pray that I can always keep my eyes on Him, in every season, submitting to the ways He is making me new for His purposes.

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

So here's to being on the "other side" of infertility and loss. To this season of parenting 3 little ones {in the middle of a pandemic, while not feeling well, in a new state}. May I trust the Lord with all He has to teach me, and may I learn to offer thanks for what has been and is to come.

Embryo Adoption :: Our Journey {2020}

This year we were in the thick of parenting 2 preschoolers and a toddler! And it was every bit as crazy and busy as you might think :)

But this year also brought a little more understanding to their Embryo Adoption story. They know they are adopted, which right now to them means that "mommy and daddy wanted me and picked me out." But we also started seeing glimpses of their little brains processing the science side of things. We explained that mommy and daddy needed help to have a baby, that they were frozen as an itty bitty embryo, and were waiting in the freezer for mommy and daddy to come get them. 

As they grow and understand more, we will expand on our explanations, but for now, it is sweet to see their little wheels turning as they process their story. We pray that they grow to love their story, the story God has crafted for them, and that they are always excited about all that God has done for our family.

July 9, 2020: A reminder of God's perfect timing {God kept me in remission for Crohn's long enough to have all of my babies, a sweet gift in our Embryo Adoption journey}

July 31, 2020: I was frozen in the refreezerator! {Maddie's first understanding/processing of being a teeny tiny, frozen embryo}

November 25, 2020: Embryo Adoption Awareness Day

Again, I don't have as many links for Embryo Adoption, as we are in the midst of parenting, not growing our family anymore. But I want to document even the few steps in our journey, as we are all learning along the way. I did want to also remember this year that Eli and Maddie continually asked me "am I your snowflake, Mommy?" Yes, my baby loves, you will forever be my snowflake babies, and I am so thankful for how God brought you to me and Daddy! 

Embryo Adoption Awareness Day

November 25th is Embryo Adoption Awareness Day! :)

Today is a day we can raise awareness and share our story of Embryo Adoption, the beautiful way the Lord chose to grow our family. We have been amazed at how the Lord has used our specific story to educate and encourage others, and it has been such a privilege to pray alongside other couples who have chosen to pursue Embryo Adoption. 

I am starting to do some research on the donor conceived perspective, as many of these children are becoming adults, processing their stories. Since our journey to building our family has come to an end, we are now in the thick of raising donor conceived children. An as the kiddos grow and start piecing together their story, I have been praying for the right words to describe their story and answer their questions. I came across an article from the Embryo Adoption Awareness Center, listing 12 questions that embryo adoptees want answered. Since we have 3 adoptees, I thought I would {sort of**} answer those questions today! :)

**I won't be answering all of these questions directly, as many of them are personal. But I will try to provide answers about the information we have, and why this information might be helpful to an adoptee**

1. What are my genetic parents' first and middle names?

We do have first names for their donor parents, J&J. We also have photos. Since donor eggs were used in the IVF cycle, the donor parents include genetic dad and his wife. Genetic mom is the egg donor. {See also #4}.

2. Do I have any genetic siblings?

Yes! Eli, Maddie, and Aiden are all full genetic siblings, but they also have a full genetic brother {age 9} and sister {age 6}.

3. What are the first names of my genetic siblings?

We do have first names for their genetic siblings, A&E. We also have photos from 5 years ago.

4. Were donor eggs or sperm used in my conception?

The donor parents used an egg donor in their IVF cycle. It was an anonymous donation, so we do not have a name or photo of the genetic mom, but we do have medical information and a personal questionnaire that she filled out about herself. 

5. Why did you choose my genetic parents?

We prayed over each of the matches that came to us, and we said yes to J&J because we felt like the Lord wanted us to match with them! They said that their decision to donate their embryos through the Snowflakes program was one of the easiest decisions they had made as a couple. Because of the hardship they faced in building their family, they wanted to help another couple facing the same challenges. When we saw their profile, we knew we had the right match!

6. How long was I frozen?

You were all frozen on March 30, 2009. Eli and Maddie were thawed/transferred on February 26, 2016, so they were frozen for just shy of 7 years. Aiden was thawed/transferred on December 12, 2017, so he was frozen for 8 years, 8 months.

7. Does anyone else in my genetic family know about me?

I actually don't know the answer to this question. We have a semi-open relationship with the genetic family, which means that we agreed to email contact only, through our agency. So we do not interact directly with the genetic family. My hope and prayer is that the genetic parents share the yearly updates/photos of our kiddos with their kids, and that one day we can open up more contact.

8. Will I ever get to meet my genetic family?

We really hope so! As mentioned in #7, we have limited contact with the genetic family right now. But at the time we signed contracts, they were open to possibly having more contact in the future, depending on the needs and desires of the kids. So we have been and will continue to pray that there is an opportunity for meeting them in the future. At the very least, they should be able to meet when they are adults, as they have enough information to find each other.

9. Where does my genetic family live?

They actually live in Virginia {!}. We don't know anything beyond that, and assume they still live in the state and haven't moved, but we do not have that information. 

10. What traits did I inherit from my genetic parents?

Genetic mom has auburn hair, so Aiden gets that from her. His {and Eli's} blue eyes come from genetic dad. Maddie's hazel eyes come from genetic mom, and the blonde/light brown hair come from genetic dad. We'll have to see how height/build come into play :)

11. Are there any inherited medical concerns I should know about?

We have medical history for both genetic mom and dad, even though genetic mom was anonymous {which is so very important!}. So we had a good picture of any possible health concerns when we adopted the embryos. And since we have contact through our agency, we are confident that we could obtain additional information if any specific medical concerns arose.

12. What should I call my genetic parents?

We would want to have an open discussion with our kiddos about this, but right now we refer to them as genetic mom and dad, or just simply their donor family. If the time ever came for them to meet, we would encourage them to call them by their first names. 

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We knew that we wanted to have an open adoption so that we would be able to answer questions like these. There are still several unknowns, and we will have to navigate questions as they come. But we are grateful that we have access to information so that we can share as much with our kids as they want to know.

If YOU have questions regarding Embryo Adoption, the Embryo Adoption Awareness Center is an excellent resource. You can also learn more about our specific journey, here on the blog. We will forever be grateful for this amazing way to build a family, and we love sharing our story!

{iPhone Rewind} :: July

When you call out for Aiden and hear giggling...he's not very good at hiding :)

Eli showing his true feelings about wearing his eye patch. Haha- sorry kid! {the patching and checkered patterns are supposed to help him strengthen his eye until he is old enough for vision therapy}

Reading time with the crazies :)

When you wake up in the morning, having felt really cold all night, only to realize that a nameless toddler girl had turned the A/C down to 50 degrees so it ran all night long. Because she's tall enough to reach. And has zero self control. Sigh. 

Having a freezer full of homemade popsicles is a must for us during the summer. Our favorites are watermelon and mango/pineapple. Super easy, and healthy too. Frozen fruit for the win!

Stuff that popsicle in there!

He loves his stickers :)

And he loves his puppy dog :)

We gave the boys haircuts, and then Eli and Maddie wanted to do Mommy and Daddy's hair

Candyland is entertaining with these kiddos haha

She has the patience of a saint.

It's 100 degrees outside, but he insists on wearing a beanie

Painting with water is always a hit!

And little guy gets to "color" ... we're still trying to keep the crayons out of the mouth, but he insists on being like the big kids :)

When you need the entire hallway to play with your LEGOS

My little artists

He just wishes he was a little taller...

Our sweet friends Lauren and Miguel sent a fun gift for our little readers!

Daddy gets the royal spa treatment

My Maddie Girl :)

He loves ALL the water!

Not so sure about this grasshopper friend...

"Daddy, do you want to build LEGOS with me?"

He will never be too big for snuggles

Morning reading time!

Can we just take a moment and mourn that it feels like 93 at almost 10 o'clock at night?

My sweet girl has latched on to the idea that she was once frozen as a teeny tiny embryo. She will often yell this out in excitement :)

Cuties :)

My co-workers are cuter than yours :)

I think our anniversary plate turned out pretty good!

Show me your muscles!

This is by far our favorite Kiwi Crate- help the chameleon "eat" the bugs :)

Crohn's Chronicles :: Labs + Humira + Prednisone

After I had my colonoscopy, my doctor knew that my Crohn's was active again. He could see it, and so could I, on the images he gave me {isn't that a fun keepsake? take-home photos of your colonoscopy haha}. But they still do biopsies and send off samples for lab confirmation.

Labs came back, and they confirmed active Crohn's inflammation. Again, something I already knew, but having the labs to back it up makes it feel more real, for some reason. Since I monitor my diet and lifestyle, we know that the return of my symptoms is because Humira has stopped working for me.

So I took my last dose of Humira on July 8th. It's not doing anything, but I didn't get the confirmation to stop taking it until the day after I took my last dose. So I have officially ended my journey with Humira. In a strange, medically-twisted way, it's bittersweet. I am definitely glad to say goodbye to every-other-week injections. I took 196 total shots over 7.5 years. I cursed every time for 6.5 of those years {until I finally got some relief in the past year with the citrate-free version!} I had 2 pen misfires in the whole 7.5 years, which is not too shabby.

But I am so thankful for how it helped me achieve and stay in remission for so long. I never loved being on a synthetic, biologic drug, but the reality is that it helped me stay healthy. It worked for me, the first time. And that's a big deal in Crohn's treatment.

So long, Humira!

So what's next?

I have a follow-up with my GI next week. I start my new medication the week after that {more on that later, as I'm still learning and figuring it out!} And I will continue taking the prednisone to get the inflammation under control. I have 2.5 more weeks left for that and would appreciate prayers in that process. The side effects have been rough. I feel pretty yucky these days, but I have to keep reminding myself that I am not in any pain. That's a big deal! But it's still something I have to remind myself of over and over, because I am not loving how my body is currently feeling. Aside from the gross {and weird} side effects, I'm back to feeling completely depleted by the end of the day. I do ok until about 2pm, where I seem to just hit a wall and feel my body starting to crash. It's a struggle to make it to the end of the day, and I'm crawling into bed pretty soon after the kids are in bed.

I have been thinking a lot about the timing of my symptoms returning. On one hand, it feels like just another blow from 2020 in the midst of crazy life circumstances and this crazy pandemic. But then I remember the Spirit's prompting to do all of our embryo transfers quickly. Part of the reason we had Aiden so close to the twins was because we knew my health was not guaranteed, and I wouldn't have been able to do a transfer if my disease was active. Being pregnant actually helps keep Crohn's in check, so it's possible I could have flared sooner, right about the time I would have normally planned to space out my kids. And that would have been really hard, knowing that we had to stop doing transfers, knowing that we had frozen embryos still waiting for us...

So I see the Lord's provision in allowing us to be done having our babies before my symptoms came back. What a precious gift. And a gracious reminder on the hard days, when I wonder why on earth I ever willingly subjected myself to 3 babies under 2 :)

Embryo Adoption :: Our Journey {2019}

As I mentioned last year, the journey to building our family has come to an end. But there is still so much left to write in our Embryo Adoption story! We are now in the thick of parenting 3 snowflake children. We have shared their unique story with them since they were tiny babies, but even now at 3 years old, Eli and Maddie are starting to put together pieces of their story. I am trying to prepare myself for the questions that are inevitably coming!

Here are a few posts I wrote this year, that relate to Embryo Adoption...

April 3, 2019: The Beauty of a Snowflake {we got to share our story on our agency's website}

October 15, 2019: Carried for a Moment 

November 25, 2019: Embryo Adoption Awareness Day {list of children's books about embryo donation/adoption}

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I may not have as many links as in prior years, but more of our time now is spent on parenting, and not specifically the journey of building our family. So while Embryo Adoption is a big part of our kids' stories, it is only a part of their story. There will inevitably be conversations that are unique to our kids only, but right now we get the joy of just being parents. And that is the most incredible gift that Embryo Adoption has given to us.

Embryo Adoption Awareness Day

November is National Adoption Month, and November 25th is Embryo Adoption Awareness Day!

If you have been around my blog for awhile, you know that we have 3 beautiful snowflake babies through embryo adoption. It's something that we love sharing about, as we are so thankful for this unique way to build a family.

One of the questions that I get asked most frequently is "what do you tell your kids about their embryo adoption story?" And it's such a good question! One we are still trying to figure out! The training/education we received while we were walking through the process was to tell your child their unique story. While embryo adoption is just now seeing snowflake babies grow up to be adults {so research is still limited}, there are a lot of similarities to traditional adoption, and the research there is quite clear: we shouldn't hide the story behind their conception, but instead, we should start sharing with them from a very young age. 

We have been telling Eli, Maddie, and Aiden their story since they were tiny babies. Even before they were verbal, more as a way for us to practice and figure out what we want to say. Right now, Eli and Maddie can articulate that they were adopted, which to them means "Mommy and Daddy picked me out. I'm wanted." {Maddie says this a lot, out of the blue, unprompted, and it makes my eyes fill with joyful tears every time}. Beyond that, we haven't really mastered the details of their conception story. I mean, how much detail do you give a 3 year old?? The specifics of the process is still confusing to some adults haha!

But as they start to understand, remember, and articulate more in general, we know that more of those details are necessary. Of course, there are age-appropriate ways to describe things, and we know that they will eventually have questions that will help guide conversations. We certainly want them to know their unique story, but we also want them to know it's just a part of their story. I am thankful that we can glean from the wisdom of other families who have gone before us, and there are actually some really great children's books on embryo adoption. 

So I thought that today I would share the books that we have read to help guide conversation with our snowflake babies. No book is perfect, and there are many different ways to walk through embryo donation/adoption {anonymous, open, clinic, agency, etc}. But I am just so thankful there are books out there, as they provide good starting points for conversation, opportunities for further discussion.

1. Wish by Matthew Cordell // This one is not embryo adoption-specific, but it is a good children's story for parents who walked through infertility. It's about 2 elephants that wish for a baby, but it takes longer than they hope.

2. A Gift for Little Tree by Colleen Marquez // Also not embryo adoption-specific, but a good parable about adoption in general. It's a story about an apple tree that is unable to bear fruit, but then the kind, wise farmer finds a way for her to produce fruit through grafting. This book is wordy, so definitely for older children...we'll keep this one in our library for when our kiddos are older :)

3. Ready Made Sweetie: All Mixed Up by Whitney Williams // This is a story of 2 cupcakes that would like to make their own baby cupcake, but they don't have all the right ingredients and have to ask for a "donor mix." It's a sweet little story that introduces the basics of donor conception.

4. Treasure Babies: How Two Under-The-Sea Families Came to Be by Whitney Williams // This is a story of an undersea couple who struggle through the pain of infertility. They discover the help that doctors can bring, as well as the beauty of shared treasure, which introduces the idea of a donor couple. This one was a little too much for my kiddos right now, but I think it will be helpful when they are older and understand a little bit more about their own story.

5. Made With Love: The Sweetest Allegory for Embryo Donation and Adoption by Whitney Williams // This one is similar to #3 above, except it is told in more of a rhyme {which is cute}, and gets more into the idea of a donor couple having "extra dough" for another family. I like how this book highlights how the "extra dough" {embryos} were wanted and loved by both the donor and recipient families.

6. The Pea That Was Me: An Embryo Donation Story by Kimberly Kluger-Bell // This book gets more specific on the mechanics, but still in an age-appropriate way. Actual terms are used {egg, sperm}, but it is still very basic for young readers. Less of a story, and more explaining of the process using cute pictures and peas.

7. You Were Made For Me by Sheri Sturniolo // This is a sweet story of a mommy and daddy who needed a little help to build their family {not having all the right puzzle pieces}. It walks through the sadness and loss of infertility, the process of seeing a doctor, and the sweet joy of welcoming a much-wanted baby into their family to love. 

8. Before You Were Born...Our Wish for a Baby by Janice Grimes // This is the story of how a mommy and daddy bear needed help to have a baby, and how another bear family helped them by giving them embryos. More of a direct explanation of embryo donation/adoption, told with cute bear pictures.

9. Training Wheels: How Did I Get Here? by Chris E. Barrett and Sally B. Hunter // This is the story of 5 year old Miles who receives a birthday bike from his special friend Mike. Miles' parents explain to him that Mike's parents generously donated their remaining embryos and Miles was the result of their loving gift. This book has cute pictures and rhyme; I was a little disappointed with the informational quality of this resource, considering that it was produced by NEDC {National Embryo Donation Center}. But I still mention it, because I think this will be a good book to highlight the relationship with genetic siblings. 

10. Snowflake Baby by Chris and Kari Stewart // This one is long and a little confusing. The poetry is definitely for older children. I still wanted to mention it though, because I think once they're older and have a basic understanding of their conception story, this will be a good book to highlight the importance, love, and even role of our donor family. This book walks through the original couple's story and how they came to donate their remaining snowflake babies to their neighbors, who were walking through their own infertility struggles.

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It will be an ongoing, evolving conversation, and I'm sure each kid will process their story differently. While these resources are helpful and certainly needed, we also recognize that we have a unique opportunity to express our children's story through the lens of the gospel. We want them to know and love their unique story, but we want them to truly understand how much they were loved, wanted, and prayed for. We want them to truly understand how their unique adoption story is a shadow of the adoption available to them through Christ. Above all, we want them to see how Jesus wants them, chooses them, and adopts them into His family.