Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Embryo Adoption :: Beta #2

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." 
~ Job 1:21

Today I went in for a second blood pregnancy test to check my beta numbers. I had every expectation that I would be scheduling an ultrasound appointment this afternoon. This was going to be it; after 3 long and painful years, we were finally going to be growing our family.

So when the nurse called, and I heard the hesitation in her voice, I lost it. My hCG levels had dropped to 37; we are losing our babies. Our sweet nurse was incredibly sweet, and I am so thankful for her words of comfort. I don't want to forget her compassion and care, as she cried with me on the phone. She knew she wasn't "supposed" to, but I am so thankful that she did.

There are so many questions, so much pain and heartache right now. It's incredibly difficult to understand why God would allow such excitement and hope, only to take it away so soon and after so much loss and heartache already. But we know that He is the same as He was yesterday. And so we cling to Him right now in our grief.

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