Thursday, March 30, 2006

A Great Way to Procrastinate

Ok. So I totally stole this off of Teshia's xanga- but it looked kind of fun. So thanks, Teshia!  I enjoyed reading yours, by the way...
1. First Best Friend Ever:  Ashley Hennigan…girl scouts
2. First Hamster: Oreo, the class pet we got to baby-sit on the weekends (the one who got out of its cage and hid itself behind my washer to keep away from my cat…good times)
3. First Airplane ride: to Florida to go to Disney World! (4th grade)
4. First junior high school crush: Jake West
5. First CD:   like I would remember that (to April's shame)
6. First Car:  ’92 Buick LeSabre (equipped with 2-inch speedometer numbers and push buttons)
7. First Stuffed Animal:  I had TONS of stuffed animals, can’t remember the first
8. First Concert:  Vince Gill at Sea World- LOL
9. First Time Drunk:  I’ve never had alcohol
10. First Nickname:  Ennon (my brother couldn’t say my name when he was little)

1. Last Beverage:  Bush’s Sweet Tea
2. Last Vehicle Ride:  Went to the scrapbook store with Shannon

3. Last Movie Seen in Theaters:  Firewall
4. Last Phone Call:  to my mom
5. Last CD Played:  Deana Carter- Did I Shave My Legs for This?
6. Last Bubble Bath:  when I was like 5- not really a fan
7. Last Time You Cried: yesterday
8. Last Kiss:  from my mom
9. Last boyfriend/girlfiend: I’ve never had one…unless you count the elementary school ones. In that case, it would be Chris Ridgeway in 4th grade

1. Have you ever dated one of your best friends:  Nope- all of my best friends have been girls- that would be awkward
2. Have you ever been arrested:  Nope
3. Have you ever skinny dipped:  Eww…no
4. Have you ever been on TV:  Yes- when my high school soccer team won the state championship!
5. Have you ever kissed someone and regret it:  I've never kissed anyone
7. Have you ever been sent to the emergency room:  Never been sent, but have gone for a tear in my esophagus...random, I know. Also have been several times for my brother’s countless broken bones
8. Have you ever been in a fist fight:  Ummm…no

1. My tennis shoes
2. My high school gym shorts
3. A soccer t-shirt
4. A sweatshirt- my room is always cold
5. My contacts
6. My watch
7. My James Avery ring
1. Worked out
2. Went to class
3. Had lunch with April
4. Finally cleaned the mountain of dirty dishes that had accumulated
5. Gave a presentation for a semester project
6. Read my Bible study notes

1. Jesus
2. My family
3. Cookies
4. Scrapbooking
5. Dr. Pepper

1. My mom
2. God
3. Lauren
4. April

1. Eat or Drink: Eat
2. Blonde or Brunette: brunette
3. Pink or Black:  black

2. Travel the world- visit TONS of different countries and cities (preferably with the guy I marry)

1.  Undeserved grace from my beautiful Savior

Currently Reading: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, Roger Fisher


Tuesday, March 28, 2006

There Are Still Some Issues

So yesterday I wrote a letter to my aunt. For those who do not know about my aunt, this was not an easy task. My aunt used to live in San Antonio, babysat me and my brother when we were little, made the most amazing spagetti ever, and pretty much was the coolest person in my 5 year old eyes. At a young age I learned what it meant for people to disappoint you. You see, my aunt is a drug addict. She got into drugs at a young age (about the time she had run away from home at the age of 16), and she progressively stepped up the addictive ladder. By the time the family found out, our world was shattered. Her drug of choice became heroine- in any form that she could get her hands on. She did the whole rehab center and halfway house hopping, tried to get clean countless times. I will never forget the night my dad had to go pick her up at a 7eleven because she was high and had climbed out of the window of my Uncle Mike's apartment. Or the day we met her in the parking lot behind our church so that she could "hand over" her son to my parents for temporary custody. Or the time she checked herself into the rehab center at the hospital- she was in the midst of detoxing and I clearly remember her screaming at us from the elevator that we didn't love her and that she hated us. Through her life of drugs came other addictions and other dark places. Dealing, prostitution, homelessness, alcohol, stealing, etc. There are other stories, but I think you get the picture.

My aunt is currently serving a prison sentence for assault with intent to harm- a drug deal lure gone wrong. Our fears and worries were over- we at least know where she is and that she is safe (relatively speaking). Last year, God had placed it on my heart to begin writing to her. It took me awhile to actually obey that call. This is a woman who had literally torn our family apart, disrupted the lives of my immediate family, the woman whom I had not spoken to in several years. As hard as it was, I felt it was time she knew who I was, knew the person that I had become. So I did it- I wrote to her and I immediately received a letter back. It was such an amazing blessing! God had answered prayers of forgiveness and had begun the process of restoration. At least it seemed that way until I received her second letter. She said some pretty hateful, assuming, and untrue things that really made me angry.

Don't get me wrong, I have forgiven my aunt. Through the power and grace of the Holy Spirit, God has helped me forgive her. But after she wrote that second letter, I just couldn't write her back right away. I was too angry. I did not realize how much I had still stored away in my heart. And it's not even things she did to me. I can get over that. It's the things she did to everyone, the pain I watched my family go through, the tears I watched my mom cry. All of that just for her to blame the family for her actions. I was livid when I read those words. To make matters worse, she proceeded to tell me that I needed to learn to think for myself, not believe everything I hear, decide for myself. Who the heck was she to tell me what to do? And where did she get off assuming things about me? The woman doesn't even know me!

She wrote the letter back in early August. I finally wrote her back yesterday. I needed the time to cool off, to pray, and figure out how I was going to still show the love of Christ to her. Because, as God so kindly reminded me, that is the reason He asked me to start writing her in the first place. So yesterday was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. All over a silly 3-page letter. But God is faithful. God knows my heart. God will be the judge. God will work things out. God will be the one to stir her heart, not Erin. God will be the one to transform her life, not Erin's words. I need only to obey and do the best I can to show her the love that Christ has shown me. Because really...we're both the same. My sin is just as ugly and disgraceful as hers. God wants to love us the same. Hearing those words from God yesterday was hard. Talk about addressing some pride issues. So as of now, I continue praying, continue trusting, continue sharing my walk with her, continue writing...

The Start of Something

***This is not actually the beginning of my philippians3v7 blog. I originally started blogging at Xanga, then switched over to blogger in 2009. Xanga changed their settings and that old blog was no longer available to view, so I moved all of my Xanga posts here so I could keep a record of all my blog posts.***
So I have decided that I need an outlet to write down some thoughts. If you are looking to read amazing things and learn all kinds of cool things about me, let me be the first to tell you not to get too excited. I don't plan to write very often. It's funny, I am not much of a journaler. I actually have several unfinished journals. Ones that I started and after a few days lost interest in. I am just not very good at writing my thoughts down. I think it is because I feel like I have too many and the thought of putting them on paper frightens and overwhelms me. I am a very organized person, I like to be methodical in what I do- whenever I sit down and journal, I feel as though I have to start at the beginning, explain everything, give background...and it just grows and gets to be too much. So in all honesty, I really don't know how long this will last. Sorry to disappoint. So why do I even start? Because it's easier to type than it is to write with a pen in a journal. Because there are those rare times when there is nothing else I can do but write down my thoughts. Because I felt this might be a good way for me to track some progress in my life. I don't know. We shall see...
Currently Listening: Cannot Say Enough, by Mercy Me (Almost There)