Sunday, December 3, 2006

When the Rain Comes...

When the rain comes
it seems that everyone has
gone away
When the night falls
you wonder if you shouldn't
find someplace
To run and hide
Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do
I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away
When the rain comes
you blame it on the things that
you have done
When the storm fades
you know that rain must fall
on everyone
Rest awhile
It'll be alright
No one loves you like I do
When the rain comes
I will hold you
I am so thankful that He holds me until the rain goes away. So many times I sit and cry and wonder why He won't stop the rain. I miss the whole point: that He holds me until it's gone. I just have to rest in Him. Everything will be alright. And no one loves me like He does. And so I sit and I cry in His the rain falls.
Currently Listening: When the Rain Comes, by Third Day (Come Together)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Whirlwinds, Encouragements, and Prague

Wow! So much has has been one big whirlwind. I finally have a moment to breathe and reflect back. But even that moment seems too brief- go figure.

So that week that was split between october and november...I pretty much thought I was going to die. I had to get so much done that week before I left for Prague, and it was just unreal the amount of things there were. To put it in perspective- I was a CL for 2 years and had a few meltdowns during that time because of how overwhelming that job is when you are trying to be a student, attend church, and keep up with friends. I can say that week (and the one after Prague) was far worse than any of the meltdown times I had as a CL. That's saying a lot. Without exaggeration- I literally had more to do that week than I had hours in the day to do it. I got so little sleep that week- haha. It was pretty scary there for awhile...I definitely didn't even sleep the night before we left for Prague, simply because I hadn't had the time to pack. Oh dear...

But God was GOOD and pulled me through it (of course), and I spent the next week in Prague. But before I get to that, I have to praise God for some encouragement I received the night before I left...

So I called my parents the night before I left for Prague (I had to get the parent speech about not going anywhere by myself, making sure I took the right measures not to get pick know, the usual). To my surprise, my brother was home and wanted to talk to me (2 things that haven't occurred in a long time- and especially not at the same time). So he got on the phone...and oh my gosh, I am starting to cry just typing this. Haha- I am such a sap. I just really haven’t had the time to really let it sink in. I guess it’s finally hitting me and I am just so overwhelmed with joy. Anyway, God is doing His work, and I think my brother is back! Talking to him, I could hear a difference in his voice. The attitude was gone. There was genuine joy in his voice. And he couldn’t tell me fast enough about all that God has been doing. There is a renewed excitement in him about His relationship with God. He literally cannot get enough of Him. He literally has come to a point where nothing else matters to him except God. He literally aches for God. Which was exactly my prayer. I can’t even express in words how this makes me feel. This is something for which I have been praying for over a year. He and my parents actually met me at the airport in Austin when I got back from Prague (basically because they are amazing and really cute). Seeing him with this new air about him, getting a real hug from him…I don’t think I could ask for anything more. That made my entire semester. So thank you to everyone who have been praying with me for my brother. Please continue to pray for God’s work in his life, that Satan would not find any footholds.

And now Prague…I got to spend a week in the Czech Republic and didn’t have to pay for it. This makes me very happy. It was part of the B.E.S.T. program that I am in at the b-school. While we were there, we met with local business leaders to discuss the experiences they have had in the international arena (that was the "class" part of the trip). We met with the new US ambassador, which was really cool. And the rest of the time, we just got a tour of the city. It was amazing. It was pretty much a vacation. Which is just one of those sweet blessings that God planned ahead of time. The city was was like stepping back in time. Amazing architecture, cobblestone streets, intersting history...

We visited Prague Castle, St. Vitus' Cathedral, Charles Bridge, Old Town Square, Skoda Automobile Plant, Terezin (a work camp during Nazi Germany time), the Jewish synagogue, the John Lennon peace was such a great experience. It was interesting to learn the history of the Czech people- it really is a sad and dark history. Which explains a lot about our experience. People weren't very friendly, they hardly ever smiled, they do not talk on public transportation (not like us loud Americans)...they are wary of foreigners and still have reminders around of the old regime. I learned a lot and definitely got bitten by the travel bug. I wanted to travel before...and this trip makes me want to even more. I want to go everywhere, learn everything. I really hope that that is part of God's plan for me somehow in my future. Parts of the trip were difficult...I was constantly on my knees asking for His wisdom, grace, and love. Just some expectations that were not met, some disappointments, some challenges of living out my faith in a world where it is not valued. He is good, and I just praise Him for the opportunities I was given. Here are some of my favorite pics from the trip:

St. Vitus' Cathedral

View of the city from the top of 287-step tower

Jewish cemetary

Path to Terezin

Walls of Terezin

A view from inside the corridor

Charles Bridge at sunrise

Astronimcal clock in Old Town Square

ITBS- where we stayed during the week

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Life is Crazy

Life is crazy. But I am still breathing, God is still amazing, and every day is a beautiful blessing from the beautiful Savior who loves me.
I leave for Prague on Saturday and I am so excited!!!

Monday, October 2, 2006

Brain Overload

So my poor little brain has been doing a lot of thinking in the past week or so. Of course, there is the thinking involved in the massive amounts of studying I do. What else is new. And then there is the thinking involved in my future, what I am going to do with my life, life-altering decisions, God's will...the hard stuff. I was really excited about the whole consulting sounded like a great opportunity and involved a lot of things that I know I would like. And yet there was something in the back of my mind that kept bothering me about the whole thing. I couldn't really put my finger on it. Oh, but my dad was able to. My dad is good at that. I feel like every major decision I make has to go through dad first. Not for permission...but for approval, confirmation, encouragement, direction. He always has fatherly words of wisdom to impart and this time was no exception.

I was going on and on about all the "wonderful and exciting opportunities." He listened, agreed, and then said, "That does sound great! The only thing that is missing from all of that is event planning. I think consulting with this company would be a great fit for the right person." That got me thinking. He and I talked about it, and we came to the conclusion that I don't need to be trying to figure out my next 30 years right now. haha. The truth is that I really do want to pursue this event planning thing. I am loving my internship at Pendley, and I feel like I have the skills and talents needed for a career in that industry. And I know I would love it. It is the one job I can think of that I would actually enjoy doing every day. It is really the only thing that even interests me at this point in my life. So why have I been fighting it so much?

I have always been a disciplined person. I have always been the over-achiever, the one with high aspirations and goals, the one who gives 110% in everything she does. The one who is "going places" (lol- whatever the heck that means). I have always been sure of myself, confident, had specific plans for my life. I thrive in school because there is an attainable goal for me. There is something to work toward. In high school, it made even more sense to work hard at achieving good grades so that I could get into Baylor and get scholarships to go to and stay there. I achieved that, and did so with excellence (that's not meant to brag on myself, just prove the point of my thought process/logic in all of this). In college, working hard to achieve good grades makes sense so that I can keep my scholarships, and build up my resume for a job after graduation. But that's where I run into the roadblock. When I came to Baylor, I had all kinds of goals to become this amazing business woman, be the CEO of some major corporation. But over the course of my years here, I have come to realize that that is not where I want, or need, to be anymore. Or at least, not in the same way or intensity as when I started here. If all that happens, that's great; but it's not what I am working toward any more.

So that is the snag- I have nothing to work toward anymore. And I am so lost. It's like I can't function! I mean, I still have some goals. I worked hard to make it into the BEST program. I set a goal for myself, I worked hard toward it, and I attained it. I am still working hard for good grades- it's what I am good at, it's what I know what to do. My goal is to graduate with a 4.0 (so I can get a cool medallion from Baylor- haha). But then what? Graduation is quickly approaching, and I don't know what to attain after that. Again, there is nothing left to work toward. Because the things I thought I wanted, I just don't anymore. There are other goals, or things I would like to achieve...but I can't really attain them by my own effort. It's pretty much dependent on God and other people. I have no control. And God has clearly told me that I have to continue waiting, be content with where He has me, and do everything I can to honor, glorify, and serve Him in my present circumstances. So what do I do in the meantime, when I don't have any goals that are actually attainable through my typical hard work and discipline?

Sure, if I pursue this event planning thing, I will have to work toward that. But I wondered earlier why I have been fighting that so much. It's because I somehow let someone put it in my mind that it's not a "real" job. It doesn't make sense to me to have worked so hard all of my life to "just end up planning things." It's not a job that pays well, at least not in my first entry-level years (it takes awhile to work up to the point of high-end return). I have always been a responsible, independent person, so I can't help but think about how I am going to be able to support myself. And I am just not seeing how it's possible on an entry-level event planner's salary (if I even get a will most likely be a wage). I am not looking for a life of luxury; I just want to be able to support myself and pay my bills without having to worry- rent, food, insurance, school's overwhelming to think about. And I honestly am starting to doubt myself. I don't know if I can do it and that scares the crap out of me. And really, how does planning an event advance God's kingdom? I'm afraid it doesn't. Blast. I just run myself in circles when I think too much. I have not forgotten or put aside the goals involved in my walk with Christ...those are all alive and well and what I am hard core pursuing right now...maybe that's the point of all of this. I have nothing else material to work toward- God has taken all of that away so that working toward taking steps in my spiritual journey is all I have left...

My dad was so good to reminded me that I needed to choose something based on the desires of my heart, the things I enjoy doing, not just something that will pay the bills. Otherwise I will be miserable. And he is absolutely right- I know I would be miserable as a consultant because it's not what I would enjoy doing. And I have to be reminded- And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19). I am relying too much on my own abilities- my discipline, my hard work, my responsibility, my independence- me, me, me. Blah. God is the one who will meet all of my needs. He is the one I need to trust. Here I go again trying to trust in myself instead. Sigh. It's not a matter of what I can do; it's solely a matter of what God can do through me. I should probably clarify that the one thing I am sure about is that God has called me to use my gifts and talents in the business world. I have been called to serve Christ in business. I have not received a clear calling on a specific area in business, but feel God is calling me to live out my faith amongst unbelieving business people. So that can be done in event planning too. It's just the over-analyzing that gets me running in circles...

On another little side note...I hate this world and really can't stand being in it anymore. That's not a depression/suicide statement. It's me not being content here, wanting to just be with my Savior and rid of everything in this world. I was watching the news this morning and it depressed me. I think I may just have to stop watching it. Studying Romans and about the downward spiral of sin to depravity has just opened my eyes to how ugly our world really is. It makes me sick to my stomach and I really just don't want to be here any more...It's hard because I just want to live life, love God, grow closer to Him, love people, bring them closer to Him. It's not that I can't do those things now; it's that I feel so confined in having to do it according to the world's set of rules. Meaning, I still have to work, I still have to survive and support myself. And that's what I hate. I am just sick of all the worldy pressures to achieve and succeed. Do this, do good in school, get a college degree, get a good job, be a productive member of society, find the perfect person to spend the rest of your life with, take good care of your family, etc. These things aren't bad- they all fit into God's plan and will for us. I just feel like these things become the focus, rather than the product of a life spent serving Christ. It's doubly hard because these characteristics of achievement and responsibility are innate in my own character. God can (and does) use those characteristics for His glory; that is how I strive to serve Him. This probably isn't making much sense on does in my mind, though, so don't worry.

So my poor little brain has been at it again...analyzing and over-analyzing everything. Lol. It's tiring, let me tell you. Especially when I don't get any closer to answering any of my questions and just end up with more questions. But the beautiful thing in all of this...I am still at peace with it all. Ironic, huh? Completely uncharacteristic of me, for sure. It just makes me laugh. God is still in control. God is still sovereign. God still knows where I will be in May. God still loves me and wants the best for me. And everything is going to be ok...

Sunday, September 24, 2006

A Weekend in the Big City

This weekend I had the opportunity to head to Dallas and network for a job. I got offered the chance to meet with a global consulting firm and to attend their women’s networking forum. I wasn’t really sure what to expect, but I walked away with a new sense of adventure, an excitement for life after graduation, a renewed desire to travel, and a new-found love for the big city. I absolutely fell in love with the company, what it stood for, what it promoted...I also fell absolutely head-over-heels in love with Dallas. Haha. Sounds weird, I know. But I have concluded that I am definitely a big-city girl. Waco has been cramping my style.

As I sat and listened to everything they had to say, a number of thoughts and emotions ran through me. Am I really cut out for this line of work? Do I have what it takes to succeed? Would I really enjoy living in countless cities across the US and possibly the world? Is this a coincidence that I am sitting here listening to all of this? Is God trying to tell me something? Am I basing all of my decisions on “what ifs” and if so, should I stop? Would I even know what the heck I am doing? Would I be a fish out of water? How can this be an opportunity for me to utilize my business skills for God’s glory? Is this all too good to be true? What about my internship at Pendley, how does that play into all of this? And they went on and on….

I don’t have many answers to these questions, but I walked away from this weekend with all kinds of random thoughts...
  • The closer and closer I get to graduation, the more and more confused and lost I am about what I am supposed to do with my life.
  • The more and more I think about it, the more I realize that I don’t know anything- lol. I have so much to learn about everything.
  • I need to stop focusing on the “what ifs” that I keep waiting for…I need to live in the right now. When else in my life will I be able to accommodate the life of a traveling career women? Never. So why not take advantage of the opportunity now?
  • I don’t think I was sitting in that forum on accident. God chose me to go and I believe there was a specific reason for that. It could be that this is the job I have been praying for; or it could be that He wants me to be constantly on my knees regarding this career/job decision.
  • I have recently been feeling very inadequate and out of place in a lot of what I am doing. This is not a normal feeling for me. I have always been confident in my abilities, focused on my goals, and able to achieve what I set out to accomplish. But lately, I just feel so lost. I think part of that is God’s way of keeping me humble and reminding me that what I think I know, I really don’t. Haha. I think part of it is that God wants me to rely completely on Him, and not a bit on my own achievements or abilities.
  • Something else I thought about this weekend that was somewhat related to the forum, but not really...I have concluded that God can best use me to glorify Himself and advance His kingdom being single. This may not sound very profound...but to me, it is a sweet revelation from God. All this time, I have been praying, begging ,God to provide that relationship that I desire so much. And all this time, He has been trying to tell me that I am best used right now on my own. He has assured me that someday, when the timing is right, it will be my time and God will provide that loving relationship so that He can be even further glorified through the two of us. But until then, I need to be content and surrendered to the fact that I am best able to glorify Him in my present circumstances. He wouldn't have me here otherwise. Hmmm...go figure. Sometimes I am so slow at learning these things...

So about this particular job? I see it as an exciting opportunity; something I hadn’t really thought about before, but something that would allow me to travel, allow me to live in different cities, allow me use my business skills, allow me to pay off my student loans , allow me to be independent and on my own, yet completely and utterly dependent on Him…so unless some doors get slammed in my face, I say…why not? I think I am going to jump into this thing, take the plunge, put myself out there. It would definitely stretch me in ways I wouldn’t normally not trust myself to be stretched.

The rest of the weekend I was able to spend hanging out with April, which was so great. I have missed her so much. We still keep in touch, but it's hard now that she has graduated and moved away. So this weekend meant a lot. It made me so grateful for the sweet friendship that God provided in her. We spent some good hang out time together... gallavanting around Dallas, reading and sipping lattes in trendy coffee shops (lol), walking the trail in search of hot boys, shopping at Mockingbird station, being attacked by her psychotic cat was a great weekend, and I am so glad that I had the chance to be with her.

God also definitely used this weekend to show me that He is taking care of me. He knows where I will be in May. He already has a job lined up for me. He only has the best waiting for me, and I just need to rest in Him until He chooses to reveal that plan.

Currently Reading: The Big Sister's Guide to the World of Work: The Inside Rules Every Working Girl Must Know, by Marcelle Langan DiFalco and Jocelyn Greenky Herz

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Nothing Else I Need

Things have gotten worse with Michael, and I think I got played. And I can't tell you how angry that makes me. I am so angry right now, I can't cry. I even tried to and couldn't. Because, yes, I am hurt. There's nothing to really describe the hurt and disappointment that I am feeling right now. But I can't get past the anger. I am so upset I just don't think he is worth my tears. Of course, I don't mean that in my heart of hearts. He's my brother, of course he's worth it. But he's not deserving of my tears at the moment. Even more than how I feel about it, my heart is breaking for my mom. She just sat and cried on the phone today, and it killed me that I wasn't there to give her a hug. And I couldn't help but think that I got played. He sat across the table from me at EZ's and lied straight to my face. He made me feel sorry for him, made me want to side with him. He played me like a fiddle...
I am just trying to understand. A friend asked me today what I think it was that is causing him to do all of this. Right. Like I know. The only thing that remotely makes sense is that he's on crack. He's not, by the way, at least as far as I know...but yeah. I have no idea what the heck he is thinking or what is really wrong with him. Well, I do know that he is not walking with God. Despite what he told me about his relationship with God being fine. It's far from fine. I have known that things have not been fine for a year. But part of the problem is that he thinks things are ok. I just have this unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach that things are going to get worse before they get family is going through an intense spiritual battle.
There is so much going on right now. I went from bored to a lot going on...go figure. Being busy doesn't bother me; I actually do better when I am busy. There have just been a lot of things on my mind- stresses, if you will. I'm actually proud of myself on how I have been handling it- no major freak outs so far. But it has been somewhat draining emotionally. Family stuff, friend issues, boys (particularly the lack of...haha), job search, finances, what I am doing with my know, the usual. It has just been draining. And of course, as always (because he's awesome like that), God gave me an encouraging word. A song by Jeremy Camp, to be exact. And it pretty much speaks for itself:
When I think of all I've seen nothing
Compares to what you give
And to drink of what you bring you quench
The thirst for me to live
I am satisfied by what tenderness you've
Shown to me and I empty all that I am

And you fill my life you're everything to me
There's nothing else I need anymore
And I know you are everything to me and
There's nothing else I need anymore

I have tasted and I know this fire birthed
Inside will only grow and I've sought all that
This world tried to offer me and it lead me
To your feet and I empty all that I am

And you fill my life you're everything to me
There's nothing else I need anymore
And I know you are everything to me and
There's nothing else I need anymore

I will lay down all my needs and you will
Come and make them new
To make you my only desire my desire

And you fill my life you're everything to me
And you fill my life you're everything to me
There's nothing else I need anymore
And I know you are everything to me and
There's nothing else I need anymore
There's nothing else I need...
He's everything to me. And there is nothing  else I need anymore. I don't need family and friend life to be perfect. I don't need a boy. I don't need that perfect job. I don't need anything but Him. He's everything  to me...
Currently Listening: Nothing Else I Need, by Jeremy Camp (Restored)

Monday, September 4, 2006

Trying to Make Sense of It All

I had the opportunity to go home this weekend for labor day. Little did I know what was in store for me...while I love being home, this weekend was hard. It definitely was emotionally draining to say the least.
Recently, I asked for prayers about my brother. Well, a lot of things came to light this weekend and now I am left to make sense of it all. It's hard to see someone you love make bad decisions about their life. It's hard to see someone you love head down a path that you know will not glorify God, or lead them to a life of joy and peace. It's hard to see someone you love head in this direction, especially when it's your baby brother.
Ok. So he's not a baby. He's 19 and has been bigger than me since like 8th grade. Regardless of how big he is, he will always be my baby brother. God blessed us with a close relationship growing up. We've always been close. I can't really describe it, but we always seemed to be close. Of course we had our sibling rivalry moments, but not like most. And when my brother couldn't talk to my parents anymore (just out of normal teenage angst), he would at least talk to me. He would at least confide in his big sister. I can't tell you what that meant to me. So when that started changing last year, my heart couldn't take it. It hurt too much. I didn't know what the deal was...all I knew was that we were growing farther apart. So that has been hard to deal with over the past year. More than that, I have watched him change. And change in such a way that made me not like him very much. I could no longer brag about my sweet, caring, sensitive, loving, amazing brother. I watched His relationship with God slip to the back burner. I watched little compromises occur...all the time trying to speak into his life, but just pushing him farther and farther into silence. The more I tried to encourage Him, the more he retreated. I didn't really know him anymore...and it scared me. It's hard to describe on a xanga...anyone who knows us, knows what a close relationship we have always had. And knows how much this really hurts.
I have been desperately praying for him. I have been praying that God would reveal what he was hiding (because I could tell there was something he was not telling). I have been praying that God would make my brother literally ache for Him. I have been desperately praying for a godly mentor to enter his life, someone that would be able to speak into my brother's life in a way that I obviously couldn't anymore. And after this weekend, I am still left praying...
I can't even pinpoint how I am feeling right now. Hurt. Deceived. Lied to. Angry. Disappointed. Confused. Annoyed. Scared. I don't know. It is getting easier and easier for him to rationalize different things. Out of respect for him, I don't want to share specifics about what came to light this weekend. But it's some heavy stuff. And I am at a loss. Because he knows what he should be doing. He knows what he is doing is wrong. And yet he is doing it anyway. Willfully. What is a big sister to do?!?!  
Thankfully, God gave me the opportunity to talk with him this weekend alone, and he did open up a little. He's hurting, which makes me hurt, but he is turning to other things instead of God for comfort and relief. I am grateful for the brief time we had to talk...I just don't know how much he still left out, or even how much he was truthful about. It's funny...I have dealt with this before. With extended family members, with friends. Somehow this is harder. Somehow this hurts more. So if you think about it, please pray for my brother. He needs a lot of prayer and a miracle from God.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Indescribable Peace and Joy

So I came to the conclusion today, that for the first time in a long time, I am truly at peace and have complete joy. For those of you who know me, and/or have been so kind as to read my random thoughts over this summer, know that this is HUGE. It's not that I usually walk around a depressed person or anything (because I don't, by the way). But so much has gone on in my life in the past years that it has been hard to stop and really recognize the peace and joy that only comes from God. But today I realized it in all of it's entirety.
No crazy event happened. There was no lightning bolt, the clouds did not part. I was just walking on campus and it hit me. I was at peace with my life and where God is taking me (even though I am still not really sure where that is). I was happy for no particular reason. I wasn't stressed (again, if you know me...a stress-free moment is rare). I was wholly content. It was an absolutely amazing feeling. And the fact that it just creeped up out of nowhere...and the fact that I really can't even describe it- that is only possible with God. He has filled my heart and it feels as though it could burst. Again, nothing has happened, no major life events...but it just shows how far God really did bring me this summer.
Now, I know myself. There will be days when I am stressed. There will be days when I don't feel very joyful or peaceful. But again, this comes from somewhere deep inside. Somewhere that can't be altered by changing circumstances. The funny thing's always been there. It's part of the Christian life. It's just all the more exciting for me because I, in my own sin, felt like I had lost it there for a moment. And I can feel it again. It might have something to do with me surrendering to Him this summer.
"But as we do totally surrender, abandoning ourselves to Jesus, the Holy Spirit gives us a taste of His joy."
(Oswald Chambers)
Currently Reading: My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers

Monday, August 21, 2006

Looking Back at an Amazing Week...and Looking Forward to a Great Year

So I had an amazing week hanging out with freshmen.  I was a welcome week leader and it was so much fun! I basically had the most amazing group- they were really excited about Baylor and we had really great attendance. I was so impressed with them- they had more courage than I had my freshman year. I really wish that I had been more confident and outgoing my first year...oh well. They went all out, had no problem meeting people, and were a lot of fun. And they were all just really cute. We had some long days in the scorching heat, but it was so worth it. I am glad that I was a welcome week leader and only regret that I won't be able to do something like this again.
Today I started my senior year!!! I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to say that. Yesterday at church, Kyle had the graduating seniors stand...and it pretty much made my day. It's incredible that I have finally made it, but at the same time, I am so shocked that it is already here. A senior. Crazy. On that note...I am really looking forward to what God has for me this year. My biggest fear is that I will graduate in May without a job. But after this summer, I am stepping out in faith, just waiting to see where He takes me. I really am at peace about it. Also, as much as I hate to be a girl about it, I have to admit that I also somewhat fear graduating without finding the guy I thought God would have for me here at Baylor. It actually has been on my mind a lot lately, and I have really had to pray against it consuming my thoughts. It just gets lonely at times, that's all. And friends getting married makes it hard, Baylor culture is annoying about it, etc. But God came to the rescue yet again, and definitely spoke to me last night at the Candlelight Service. He reminded me of His love for me, and reminded me that it was enough. And it is. And there is nothing in this world, no one in this world, that could ever replace or fill that desire/need in my heart.
God has been faithful to provide a specific song or prayer each semester that He has desired to be my focus for that particular semester. A "theme," if you will. One of the songs we sang last night, God gave me as the prayer for this fall semester...
Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Jesus, give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after you
To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you
So this semester, I am passionately pursuing Christ. Not that I haven't's just a different mindset this time. And it couldn't be more true that nothing in this world comes close to comparing to falling more and more in love with my Savior. I'm starting to get teary-eyed again just typing this...haha. I am just overwhelmed anew by my Savior's love and desire to have an intimate relationship with me. So in the midst of all the amazing things He has already set before me to start this senior year, you can find me running after my Savior..and if I am not- call me out on it .

Sunday, August 13, 2006

God's Perfect Timing...And a Desperate Prayer

So it's right about now that we should cue the "I told you so"s. "I told you that God would provide." "I told you that God is faithful." "I told you that God has a plan." And you are more than welcome to pitch one in if you feel the need- because God's timing is perfect and all of the above is true. And I see that now. It took me a little longer to recognize it this time, but I think I finally got it. God did provide, He is faithful, and He does have a plan! I am specifically referring to the fact that I got the internship at Pendley! I can't tell you how incredibly excited I am!!! And I can honestly say that it's not just because I got the very thing I have been praying for. Because I can say in my heart of hearts, after this summer, that I was prepared to continue waiting on God if this one didn't work out. You may not believe it...and that's ok. I don't do too well with this stuff. But if you could see how God has been molding my heart this summer...

So I start my internship in September. I will get paid, and I will graduate on time! Which is always a nice thing to know for sure. I am excited about learning the business and pitching in whatever talents God has provided for me. Tomorrow starts welcome week training and I am getting really excited! I will do more sic 'em bears! in this next week to probably last a lifetime, but it will be lots of fun. I get to share with the incoming freshmen how great Baylor is, be crazy, and have lots of fun...what could be better than that?

On a more serious note...if you think about it, could you pray for my brother? God has really placed him on my heart lately. I love my brother. As far as brothers go, he's the best there is. But recently things have changed in our relationship and my heart is breaking. He's changing, but I can't say it's for the better. He's just straying a lot from God and it's starting to scare me. I have been praying for several years now that God would bring a godly mentor into his life, but I have yet to see that prayer answered. We hardly ever talk anymore, which is the hardest part of all of this. I could at least count on the fact that he would call and talk to me, even if he wouldn't talk to my parents. Now he hardly even sticks around when I am at home, so I never see him. He's starting to make some decisions that wouldn't be my vote on a godly decision, and I am just worried about him. I fear that the friends he surrounds himself with are only tearing him down, not building him up in Christ. I am seeing less and less evidence of a daily walk with Christ...there are some other things; just know that there is cause to be concerned. I'm sending up some desperate prayers for him and ask that you would join me...

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Cool Stuff

For those who are wondering...I have an interview with Pendley tomorrow at 11 a.m. Prayers would be much appreciated! Could this be the long-awaited answer to prayer?!?! I am really trying not to get ahead of myself. It's a huge answer to prayer just to get an interview. Thank you, Lord! So we shall see tomorrow...
I finally got things settled in the apartment. I am far from unpacked, but at least things are clean, fixed, and cool. God has made me realize how incredibly spoiled I am to have air conditioning. I guess moving into an apartment that lacks a/c will do that to you. Let's just say I won't take it for granted anymore. I am finally financially settled. God provided a sweet lady in the FA office who took the time to walk over and hand deliver paperwork so that I could be settled in time. I unfortunately found out that my work-study money for the summer ran out this past weekend, so I have not been able to work this week like I had originally planned. While that money would have been helpful, it has been a blessing in disguise because now I have the week free for things like interviews, unpacking, meeting repairmen at the apartment, etc. It's cool how God takes care of us in the little things we don't even ask for.
I finished my spanish class today. I will never have to take another spanish class again in my life! I have been taking spanish since I was in 5th grade so I should be fluent, but sadly am not. So any plans of becoming fluent will have to be realized through an international experience. I'm still hoping that God allows that some day. I am glad that summer school in general is over. 8 o'clocks all summer has not been my favorite experience. But God pulled me through and I'm fine. I will have the rest of this week to get settled and rest before the craziness of senior year begins...
I will be leading a Welcome Week group- the "Sic 'em Bears" group, to be exact. I get to have crazy fun with freshmen for a week and I am getting really excited about it.
Classes start the 21st and I am taking 18 hours (yikes!) But the fun part is that all of my classes are my major classes, so I will only have to be in class for things I am interested in.
I will be working...and hopefully that work will be my internship. I'll have to get back to you on that one...
The BEST program starts this semester. Our syllabus was posted a couple of weeks ago and there is so much planned for this semester: meetings with CEO's, company visits, mock interviews, etc. Dr. Artz has already had requests from several companies for the BEST students' resumes. I am told that BEST students graduate with 10-15 job offers. This makes me very happy. I am praying about running for BEST class CEO...LOL. That would be amazing. But the really fun part is the team building and international trip. We are missing the first Friday of classes to go do the ropes course and have dinner as a class- how fun is that?!?! I am so excited to meet these people. And of course, who can forget the trip to Prague? I can't put into words how stoked I am about that trip.
I'll still continue at BSF and I am pumped about the Romans study. I read Romans this summer to get a head-start...and an in-depth study of this book is right up my ally. It's going to be challenging, but I know it will stretch my faith.
I will also be leading a Community Group this year at Highland. I will lead a small group of freshmen girls and we are studying through the Apostle's Creed. The study that the leaders did this summer was amazing and I can't wait to share it with these incoming freshmen.
My good friend Nicki got engaged this summer and I have the honor of being a bridesmaid! So that means fun times wedding planning, dress shopping, bridal showers, girly time, etc.
And of course I will be having a blast with my amazing roomies in our new apartment
So can we say "busy semester"? Haha. But I am really looking forward to it. Not only because its my SENIOR year, but also because God has blessed me with the opportunity to do and be a part of some pretty cool stuff. After this summer, I can't wait to see what He has in store for me this year. I am plunging into the chaos with an open heart to what my Savior has waiting for me...
Currently Watching: Little Women

Tuesday, August 1, 2006


Ok. I have determined that this waiting business is for the birds. I am waiting to hear back from Pendley about the internship for this fall. My entire semester plans hinge on one phone call- how ridiculous. Blah. I hate this. I have been praying like crazy and have just worn myself out thinking about it. And so now I wait. And trust...right? That is what I have been learning all's time to put it to the test.

Your prayers are much appreciated! Prayers for peace and patience. Prayers that God would provide this internship. Prayers that God would provide grace, understanding, and another provision if this is not His will...