{iPhone Rewind} :: May

These have been so helpful to me with my nausea. I don't usually like the taste of ginger, but these "mints" really aren't that bad!

Another flower popped up in our front yard. Apparently we have a pink rose bush :)

Our sweet niece Henley was dedicated at church, and it was such a joy to stand alongside her parents to commit this sweet one to the Lord!

My first Mother's Day flower :)

How is this even comfortable?? 

Date #15: Starbucks and Scrabble #wcsavethedate16 #heismycutie 

Each week at Shiloh, we were asked to memorize a verse. We would each share our verse with the group, and I really loved this! It forced me to memorize Scripture {which I admit I don't do as often as I should}, and I loved hearing all the verses each week. I have definitely repeated these verses over and over on numerous occasions.

So this happened. I'm not even big yet, and I am already feeling pretty uncomfortable when I sleep. So the next 5 months should be fun :) But this pillow is A-Mazing. Seriously, it helps so much, and I'm so thankful for my sweet husband for ordering it for me without hesitation.

Date #16: Picnic in the Park #wcsavethedate16

High Five for Friday!

{one} We have been on the hunt for a new family vehicle, and we finally found the right one! We knew we wanted a Honda Pilot, and we have been praying for the right deal. Mike has been faithfully scouring the internet for deals, so when this one popped up, we knew we needed to check it out. We had to drive out to Fort Worth, but it was totally worth the trip. Thanks to Justin at Moritz Chevrolet for making the process painless and simple! We will keep Peabody {my Mazda}, but Mike will primarily drive it now. We are so thankful for the Lord's provision, and we cannot wait to bring our babies home in The Babymobile :)

Proud owners of a new {to us} Honda Pilot! #startsomethingspecial

{two} I wrapped up the Shiloh Bible study this week. I am so thankful for this ministry, and especially the fact that they open it up to members outside their church. There are several infertility groups out there, but this is such an invaluable ministry. To walk alongside women who have walked the unique road of infertility/loss, and to dive deep into the Word together is so special. And desperately needed. I have learned so much from the brave women who have chosen to press into Jesus and find their joy and rest in Him, even when their worlds are shattering around them. So thankful for the opportunity to walk alongside and pray with them.

{three} I have been working a few more hours the past couple of weeks, because we have begun the insurance renewal process. It still makes me laugh that I left insurance, and yet it still follows me to this day :) But I am grateful for the extra hours, and I am still so thankful that I get to work most of those hours from home. I do have to say that telling the executives that I was pregnant with twins was probably one of the most fun things...they have been so incredibly sweet and supportive. Just another reason I have absolutely loved working for them.

{four} Yeah. So this has already happened.

We found cribs for a good price, and Mike has already put them together! And Sasha and I supervised :) It is SO fun to see the nursery already starting to come together. Mike said that the reality of twins sunk in when he worked so hard to put one crib together....and then looked over to see that he still had another one to put together. It might be early, but we have waited A LONG time for this...so don't judge us too harshly. And is anybody really surprised that I am working to get things together early?? :)

{five} We have a busy weekend ahead! Tonight we are heading to have Sushi {only veggie rolls for me!} to celebrate our sweet friend DJ's birthday, tomorrow I am heading to a lingerie shower for Amy, and Sunday we have our last Re|Engage discussion for community group. My dad has a board meeting in Dallas, so my parents are coming up for an extended weekend, and we'll be able to spend some time with my dad, but mostly with my mom. It will be a packed but fun weekend!

Embryo Adoption :: Our Journey {2015}

Our journey continued through 2015...

January 6, 2015: We {finally} finished our home study checklist!

January 7, 2015: I had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy for the originally diagnosed hydrosalpinx. This surgery showed that there was not hydrosalpinx, but instead endometriosis and an orange-sized ovarian cyst {!} We were nervous about what this meant for our FET {Frozen Embryo Transfer}, but I went home to rest/recover and await the verdict.

January 15, 2015: Skype call with our home evaluation worker.

January 23, 2015: Post-op appointment with my RE, where we received {thankfully} confirmation that we were still good candidates for an FET!

January 31, 2015: Home visit for our home evaluation.

February 11, 2015: Approved for our home study!

February 19, 2015: Matching interview to start the matching phase.

February 24, 2015: We received our first potential match with a donor family {M&A}!

February 25, 2015: Embryology report sent to my RE.

March 2, 2015: We accepted the match with M&A for 6 precious embryos!

March 4, 2015: We entered the contract phase for the embryo adoption.

March 10, 2015: FET protocol consult with my RE.

March 16, 2015: After some negotiation regarding future contact with the donor family, we received the contract.

March 17, 2015: We signed/notarized the contract, and my FET medications arrived in the mail.

Sadly, this is only a fraction of my meds...

March 25, 2015: Mock Embryo Transfer

March 26, 2015: Blood work showed hyperprolactinemia {big fancy word for high prolactin levels}, so I started medication to reduce my prolactin levels leading up to a transfer.

Such a tiny dose. I will take 1/2 a pill twice a week until we get a positive HPT.

April 3, 2015: The signed contract from the donor family came in...the 6 precious embryos are legally ours! {Good Friday}.

April 6, 2015: Shipping coordination began {donor family blood work recommended by the FDA + clinic release form}.

May 7, 2015: After a lot of difficulty and frustration, our donor family finally found a clinic that would do their blood draw.

May 10, 2015: A Different Kind of Mom {Mother's Day}

May 11, 2015: Because our embryos still have not shipped, I started taking birth control pills to help ward off endometriosis and prepare for our transfer cycle. {Anyone notice the irony of taking a birth control pill in an effort to get pregnant??}

May 13, 2015: Donor family went in for their blood draw...now we just wait for the blood test results to come back from the lab.

May 22, 2015: After a slight issue with the testing kit, the results came back clear. Now we just wait for the donor family to sign/notarize the clinic release form.

June 3, 2015: The donor family signed/notarized and mailed the clinic release form. Now we just wait for it to arrive so we can ship!

June 9, 2015: I had my second hysteroscopy to make sure that my endometriosis had not returned.

June 12, 2015: All paperwork is in!! Nightlight is finalizing shipping details, so our babies should ship first thing next week!!

June 16, 2015: Our embryos shipped today- our babies are {finally} on their way!! Hallelujah, praise Jesus! It has been a LONG 10 weeks...

June 17, 2015: Our embryos arrived safely at our clinic!!  

June 20, 2015: Officially started transfer cycle.

July 2, 2015: Lining check sonogram...lining is 7mm, so we scheduled our transfer. I also started the dreaded Progesterone in Oil {PIO} shots.

One of these suckers in the rear every day for 12-14 weeks; and don't be fooled- that is most definitely thick, slow-injecting oil in that syringe...

July 10, 2015: Transfer Day!

July 20, 2015: Negative Pregnancy Test- transfer 1 failed. Jack & Jill.

July 21, 2015: Follow up appointment to determine next steps after failed FET.

July 23, 2015: I Stand for Life

July 24, 2015: Started transfer cycle #2.

August 7, 2015: Lining check #2.

August 13, 2015: Started PIO again {we had to push our transfer back several days in order to accommodate the embryology schedule}.

August 17, 2015: Thaw Day.

August 19, 2015: Transfer Day #2!.

August 20, 2015: Amy and Noah.

August 31, 2015: Blood Pregnancy Test- we are pregnant!!!

September 2, 2015: Beta #2- we are losing our babies...

September 7, 2015: I miscarried...

September 9, 2015: Beta #3, confirmation that we are no longer pregnant; Annie and Hope.

September 10, 2015: Post transfer and miscarriage follow-up appointment; started taking BCP again for endometriosis management.

September 14, 2015: Blood work to determine if there are any underlying autoimmune issues that could have caused my miscarriage.

September 15, 2015: A letter to our precious genetic family, M&A.

September 16, 2015: Miscarriage after Infertility, Hope after Loss.

September 17, 2015: Received test results back from autoimmune testing- everything is normal. Praise God!

September 18, 2015: Began the process of updating our file and home study with Nightlight so we could move forward with rematching.

October 13, 2015: Home visit #2.

October 15, 2015: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day + 6 Babies.

October 20, 2015: Re-approved for our home study; officially entered into the re-matching process.

October 24, 2015: The Announcement That Didn't Happen...

November 4, 2015: We received a potential match with another donor family {I&A}; embryology report sent to RE.

November 8, 2015: When the Tears Come.

November 13, 2015: Consultation with RE about embryology report; we needed to clarify details on the report, so we scheduled yet another follow up.

November 17, 2015: Trusting our RE's opinion and after much prayer, we made the decision to decline the match with I&A. We now wait for another one.

December 3, 2015: We received a potential match with another donor family {J&J}; embryology report sent to RE. I also attended my first Shiloh coffee.

December 10, 2015: We accepted the match with our second family for 4 precious embryos!

December 11, 2015: We entered the contract phase for our second embryo adoption.

December 18, 2015: After approving the contract terms for future contact with our donor family, we received the embryo adoption agreement! Nightlight closes at the end of the year, so we will have to wait until January for any further progress.  My Christmas Wish List.

December 20, 2015: We signed and notarized the contracts, as well as the FET protocol paperwork. Now we wait for Nightlight to re-open in January to schedule shipping!

We have sent a lot of envelopes/packages to California this year!

December 25, 2015: Christmas was difficult this year with the loss of our babies. But I love the snowflake ornaments that we got for each of them, to represent the tiny lives that the Lord gave to us, if even for a short time.

December 30, 2015: The best is yet to come.

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We closed 2015 grieving the loss of our first 6 babies, but hopeful for the life to come with our 4 new babies!

High Five for Friday!

{one} I'm still here! I feel like I haven't blogged in awhile, and when I have, it has been infused water related. I am taking a break from my IWW posts, mostly because fruit hasn't been good at the grocery store, and I'm waiting for a new season of fruit. So I have just been enjoying plain old ice water with lemon. 

{two} Otherwise, things have been pretty normal around here:

• Mike is busy at work, getting ready to move locations to McKinney {ironic, I know}
• I am still working part time from home for the bank, and LOVING it
• Mike preached at Mercy Church this past weekend, so it was good to be with that church family and old Redeemer friends
• We're loving our community group, and I am finishing up both the BSF Revelation study and the Shiloh bible study
• I'm excited to be helping my sweet friend Amy with wedding prep
• Sasha is turning into a noisy, opinionated old lady...seriously. She's not exactly grumpy, but she has no problem moaning and groaning about everything. And she snores. A lot. And really loudly.
• It has been raining almost every day this month, and we have had a lot of hail. Thankfully we haven't had severe damage, but we are waiting on some roof repairs.

{three} Random, but we had a garage door opener installed this week. We haven't used the garage much because it takes a lot of effort to manually open the garage door {read: I'm lazy}. With all the crazy storms, we made the decision that it would be worth it to go ahead and get that opener installed. It's AMAZING. It's the the little things, really :)

{four} Yesterday, my mom came into town, and we got to enjoy lunch and pedicures/manicures! It was nice to get some fun girl time with my mom, and I'm alway so grateful when she comes to visit.

{five} My dad actually came into town earlier in the week for a conference, but we haven't been able to see him yet. His conference is over now, so he will be joining us for the weekend. We're looking forward to some fun family time!

Breathing A Sigh of Relief

I mentioned last week that my doctor found a subchorionic hemorrhage {SCH} at our sonogram. She told me to expect spotting through my first trimester because of it. My spotting had stopped last week, but started again last night, and I started to get worried.

I tend to wait too long to address health issues. I wait until things are really bad so I can be sure that there's something legitimate to go in for. Example: I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease in the emergency room...and only because Mike insisted that we go. I don't want to freak out over every little symptom, but with all of our infertility and loss, I can't help but fear the worst. And in this pregnancy, I now have 2 others that I have to take care of. 

So when the bleeding increased from what it had been before, I called my doctor. She suggested that I come in for a sonogram, just to make sure everything was ok. As I drove to the appointment, I kept repeating my memory verse from Shiloh this week:

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

~ Deuteronomy 31:8

I didn't know what I was going to be walking into, and I just kept praying for the Lord's strength to face whatever it was.

Jesus was gracious, and I was able to see our little ones again, still growing strong! I let the tears of relief flow. My sweet doctor was incredibly gracious and understanding, saying that I did the right thing by coming in. We will have to monitor the SCH, and I will probably feel worried about it until it resolves, but she was not worried about it at this time. 

So we wait and pray and trust the Lord to take care of our little ones. And we praise Him for how He has already taken care of them so far!

Baby A:

- Measuring 7 weeks + 4 days at 14.26mm

- Heart Rate is 156 bpm

Baby B:

- Measuring 7 weeks + 4 days at 13.13mm

- Heart Rate is 147 bpm

{iPhone Rewind} :: March

Date #8: Dinner at Dona Mary, thanks to Bryan and Christa! #wcsavethedate16

March 6th was National Oreo Cookie Day. Don't have to tell me twice to celebrate! :)

Puppies and thunderstorms don't mix. Poor puppy. She has never handled storms well. But I'm ok with puppy snuggles...

Date #9: Salata + Re|Engage + Sprinkles #wcsavethedate16

Crawfish night with the McCulloughs :)

I started attending this Bible study. I have needed a safe place to process our infertility and miscarriage, and I am so excited about this study. The workbook is intense, but filled with Scripture and truth. This is going to be so good for my soul.

Puppies don't let their humans go to the bathroom alone. Sasha followed me in and sat down. Such a weirdo. But I love her.

Date #10: Cheesecake Factory #wcsavethedate16

6 Weeks

How far along? 6 weeks 

Days since transfer: 24 days

Meds: Day 44 of Estrace, day 31 of progesterone in oil

Total weight gain: -1.8 {I have no idea how this is possible since I have been eating non-stop}

Maternity clothes? WAY too early :)

Sleep: I sleep all the time. 8-10 {or more} hours at night, naps during the day

Best moment of the week: Getting to celebrate with our family and close friends with whom we have shared our news. I also got to start the Shiloh study. While I am not glad to be a part of it, I am thankful that I have a place to process my infertility and miscarriage. I look forward to digging in deep with the Lord to find healing and peace.

Miss anything? Nope.

Cravings: None this week. 

Symptoms: Nausea showed up a bit more this past week. It was only in the evenings. And then it was only in the mornings. And then it was the middle of the night. So it's basically unpredictable. I don't love being sick, but it's strangely comforting, so I really can't complain. I have had some off and on spotting {which is terrifying}, but we hope it's just my uterus making room for babies.

Looking forward to: our ultrasound on Thursday!

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Size of baby? About the size of a Maine blueberry, a ladybug, or a chocolate chip :)

Development: The nose, mouth, and ears are taking shape, along with the kidney, liver, and lungs

Heartbeat: The tiny heart{s} is/are beating 100-160 times per minute...we can't wait to hear it/them!

Movement: Too soon

Gender predictions? We're just hoping for 2 healthy babies!

**This post was written at 6 Weeks, but was not published until after we made our official announcement. I back-dated to the actual day so we could have all of this for our own records and memories.**

A Step Toward Healing

"Once they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up... In bitterness of soul, Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. And she made a vow, saying, "O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life..." ~ 1 Samuel:1:9-11

Last night I attended an introductory coffee for a ministry called Shiloh. It is a ministry to women and couples who are experiencing infertility and/or miscarriage. A friend of mine had told me about it months ago, but we were in the midst of adopting our first embryos, and we thought we were finally passing the hardest part of our journey {little did we know}. So I put it off and, in hind sight, really wish I hadn't. But the Lord's timing is perfect, so I am grateful for the opportunity to get involved now. 

The introductory coffee was just an overview of what the ministry offers, as well as an opportunity to meet other women with similar journeys. I was a little skeptical at first, but walked away with so much hope. I can't tell you what it meant to be among those who "get it." I hadn't realized what an incredible encouragement it is to share our story without having to explain anything to these women, because they have been there. They know the acronyms, the tests, the lingo, and most importantly, the unexplainable emotions. 

The actual Bible study portion doesn't start until March, but there will be a couple of other coffees/get togethers between now and then. I don't want to put SO much hope in this one thing, but I am looking forward to this. I have known for a long time that I needed something, anything to help me process the emotions of our journey. And I am hopeful this is the place.