Sunday, May 10, 2015

Embryo Adoption :: A Different Kind of Mom

Today marks the 3rd mothers day that I have faced in our infertility journey. It's another milestone/marker that passes that I have a hard time understanding why it hasn't been "our turn" yet. 

Mother's day is just hard for those struggling with infertility. It is such a blatant reminder of our empty arms. Mamas are loved and honored and celebrated {as they should be!}. But with so much emphasis on the blessing of being a mama wrapped up in one day, it can be overwhelming for those whose hearts ache for children, whether it's those that have been lost or those who have not yet come. 

I gave myself a break and made the decision not to go to church. I knew there would be a ton of fan fare {our church does baby dedications on mother's day}, and I just didn't have the courage to face it today. They may have been sensitive and loving and said something sweet about those who have lost babies or are still longing for theirs. But while that is needed and helpful, it just doesn't lessen the ache.

It was also difficult today because I started another cycle {how's that for you? "Happy Mother's Day- you are STILL NOT a mother" - Love, Your Period. ugh.} It was hard because this was supposed to be the start of our transfer cycle. But because we have faced so many delays with our embryos shipping, we have to wait. Sigh.

So while today was hard, it was still a day of hope and gratitude. Today I actually already consider myself a mom. I have no baby in my arms, and I am not pregnant {yet}. But on this mother's day, I am a different kind of mom, because I am an adoptive mom to 6 precious embryos. I have pursued, adopted, prayed for, fought for, and already desperately love these 6 little lives. 

These babies are waiting for me, counting on me. And while I am not guaranteed to meet them all this side of heaven, I will sacrifice my time, resources, and body to give them the best possible chance at life. 

So today I celebrate mother's day as a different kind of mom. And I hope to be holding 2 of them in my arms next mother's day.

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