Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Sweetly Broken

A friend sent me this song yesterday and it has really spoken to me. I thought I would share it...  
Sweetly Broken
by Jeremy Riddle
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior, both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
Im sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You've called me out of death
You've called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross Im reconciled
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness
Thanks Scott. God is speaking...I still don't have any answers (other than wait), but I am just grateful that the silence is gone.
Currently Reading: My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers

Monday, April 24, 2006

Hearing from God

Tonight I was sitting in my Bible study, listening to my teaching leader, when God spoke. Can I tell you how absolutely relieved I am that He has spoken. God and I have had some issues with Him being silent. Ok, so maybe I am just the ones with the issues.
Anyway, I realized that I am fighting between 2 separate worlds that God has called me to: being a Christ-follower and the business world. I am fighting against the business world that tells me to put myself out there, work hard, pursue every opportunity, network, build your resume, gain experience, etc. God is telling me, "No, Erin. I want you to wait. I want you to trust Me.I want you to let Me work things out. Because I know what's best for you anyway. I know what I have planned for you. Let Me provide it for you." But I can't help thinking, what about resumes? What about networking? What about interviews, first impressions, making myself marketable, standing out, being competitive in the workplace? Am I supposed to just ignore all of that? God came back with, "Not necessarily, but what about it? Is that not something of the world? Have I not called you to something greater? Am I not able to provide for you without all of that?"
It's so hard because I know God has created me this way for a purpose- to be hard working, to have the desire to give my all in everything I do, to desire excellence, to want to offer God my best in everything He has given me to do. They are all things God still wants from me. All things that are great to exhibit in the business world. But I have all that stuff down. No problemo. But God hasn't revealed His whole plan yet. In the meantime, we're working on faith, trust, hope, surrender. God is going to use me in the business world. I at least know that much. But my main focus is not the business world. It's being a Christ-follower. I have to be a Christ-follower in the business world. So that means doing Christ-like things, even when they may contradict the business world. Which I knew (I mean, duh.) But that even means the silly stuff like resumes, networking, and getting a job...or an internship, perhaps? Because come on...who can be a better connection than God in getting a job?
Some parting thoughts...God's timing is perfect. He will work things out at the right time and in the right way, according to His will. It all goes back to Joseph...he couldn't see God's plan in the pit his brothers threw him in. He couldn't see his plan when he got sold into slavery. He couldn't see it when he got wrongly thrown in prison. And he still couldn't see it when the cupbearer forgot him in prison. But through it all, he never stopped trusting God. He never complained. He always waited patiently for God to reveal His plan. And he waited 13 years for God to reveal it. But when God did, it was so incredibly amazing- something only God could have orchestrated. And something that was worth the wait. Because God had to teach Joseph a few things along the way and He had to have Joseph in the right place at the right time to save his family and Egypt. So who knows what my right time and right place will be. Who knows who God might use me to save or what position God has for me...
Currently Listening: Unwritten, by Natasha Bedingfield (Unwritten)

Friday, April 21, 2006

Why Is This So Difficult?

Will someone please remind me to trust God!?!? I get so irritated with myself for not being able to do this simple thing. I really do want to do His will, and I really do know that His ways are best. And yet I still can't seem to nail down this whole trust thing...
Today I received yet another rejection for an internship. I do so well on trusting Him, and then I get a rejection and I faulter a bit. I caught myself applying for more random internships online this morning. And as I was doing this, that little voice inside my head was asking, "Erin, why are you applying for those internships? Don't you trust Me to take care of you? Don't you think I can provide an internship for you even without you having to apply for it?" Yes Lord! Of course I do! Why am I doing this? I know you will work everything out according to your will. I know you are taking (and will take) care of me. 
I guess I am making some progress because I immediately deleted the applications and walked away. I am not going to scramble for some random thing. I am going to continue learning how to trust...prayers would be appreciated regarding this.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

He is Risen!

He is risen! He is risen indeed! It was somewhat strange to be at church on easter sunday without my family, but I went with Shannon. I have to say that I was feeling a bit lonely. I had a wonderful week with my mom, but was feeling the sadness of her leaving and the reality of spending my first easter away from home was sinking in. But I am so grateful for the people that God has placed in my life for times such as these. Today in church I realized a number of things.
I realized how incredibly blessed I am. Although I was spending easter away from home, I have an amazing family who loves me and misses me like crazy. A family who checks up on me, cares about what's going on with me, supports me in what I do, encourages me in all that I do, loves me no matter what. I realized that God has placed some incredibly amazing people in my life. And a lot of them have come out of nowhere. Which makes it all the more a blessing. Shannon, my sweet hall director who has not only been my boss, but has become a mentor and a friend. Ginnie, my amazing roommate-to-be who always knows how to make me smile and who I am more than excited to deepen a friendship with. Teshia, who has been such a spiritual inspiration to me this year. Her sold-out love for Jesus has challenged my faith in so many ways. Jennifer, whose air of wisdom has been both an encouragment and a joy to have. Sarah Kirksey, my sweet Bible study partner who has been more of a blessing than I will ever be able to express gratitude for. Scott, whose fun conversations are always a warm welcome to the crazines in my life. And then there is April. Our relationship has grown so much over the past year and I have never been so grateful for such a friendship. I know that God placed our two opposite lives together as a sweet blessing. It's going to be hard when she leaves, but I am beginning to pray now that God preserves our friendship despite time or distance barriers.
I realized that God is in control. I mean, I knew that. But today it hit me in a fresh way. I have taken on the challenge this semester of stepping out in faith about my internship this summer. It has been hard, but amazingly not as hard as it has been in the past. Part of that has to do with the fact that this is the umpteenth time I have taken on this challenge and I have finally learned a few things in my past, failed attempts. Part of that has to do with the fact that God brought me to my knees in surrender. And part of that has to do with the fact that God has continually reminded me both of my commitment to step out in faith and trust Him and of His constant provision for His own. Whether it be through an encouraging word from a friend, an inspirational bible verse, a lesson from my bible study class- God has been softly whispering to me all semester, "Trust me, Erin. I have great things planned for you. Just keep looking to me. I am going to work things out in an incredible way. I just need you to trust me." And these encouragements and proddings from God have all come just at the right times. Just when I am ready to give up. Just when I want to revert back to doing it on my own. Just when I want to do things my way. Just at the right time- God speaks. And so I wait. And I trust.
The last thing I realized was how amazingly covered I am in Christ. How much undeserved grace has been given to me. How much Christ loved/loves me. How much He endured to be with me. How much He conquered to save me. How much He cares for me and desires to know me. How utterly in control He is. How powerful and majestic is His name in all of the earth! How radiantly beautiful and absolutely glorious my Savior is.
Currently Listening: If You Want Me To, by Ginny Owens (Without Condition)