{iPhone Rewind} :: March

Reading to her brother

Super thankful for Val! Getting ready for our Spring wrap-up study :)

Visiting Daddy in his office apparently involves invading personal space haha

Eli helping Aiden with his addition equations

Spring flowers from Mike :)

Ignoring the fact that it's Spanish, the kids read "Papa makes my heart happy" and had to send a picture to their Papa :)

Maddie helping with equations too!

Kicking off our When You Pray study 

Teamwork makes the dream work! {the boys helping Daddy put out mulch}

We're soaking up the warmer weather and ready for it to stay!

Maddie and I went consignment sale shopping and then enjoyed lunch, and I got to hear ALL the things on her little heart. I'm thankful for the time with my girl :)

Mike has valiantly tried to fix Eli's free facebook find bike countless times, and it was finally time for a new bike. So we made the trek to Walmart and he was SO excited to walk out with a brand new bike, especially since he's now fully riding without training wheels!

Granny sent a new trash truck game, and we have been thoroughly enjoying it!

Sweet reading time before bed

Sweet "cheer up" flowers from Mike because I was battling a migraine

And then winter came back :(

Working on a puzzle with Daddy

Our little bike gang has grown up!

Excited about Easter fun from Grandma and Papa!

My little laundry helper! He always comes over to help me fold the laundry and it's just about the cutest thing ever :)

These kiddos are so excited to be a part of Uncle Michael and Soon-to-be-Aunt Vi's special day!

{iPhone Rewind} :: September

Date Night Box #2: Mochi! We made mochi ice cream and enjoyed some fun conversation. The dessert was not enjoyable, but the company sure was!

"Look, Mommy! I have twins in my belly!" Haha

I love Bible story time before bed :)

I got to enjoy a Panera lunch on the patio...all by myself :)

Our little builder :)

Pigtails {with mismatched bows}, 2 skinned knees, and a book:)

Learning about magnifying glasses!

National Teddy Bear Day! Complete with a teddy bear picnic, Teddy Grahams, and some teddy bear books.

Grandma sent new crayons and coloring books!

Aiden hit his 800-book milestone!

Time to clip nails!

Painting with spaghetti

Fall is here! Bring out all the pumpkins and fall-scented candles :)

Maddie: what are these, Mommy?

Me: Oh, those are temporary tattoos. You put them on your arm.

Maddie: look, Mommy!

Working on some math for Preschool :)

We got to see our sweet friend Grace! She was in the trenches with us at Redeemer Church, and she has been such an amazing prayer warrior and encouragement to us ever since. She was in town visiting family, and we were so excited to steal some time with her!

Grace was so sweet to bring me these beautiful flowers!

He came running up the stairs, so excited to bring me the flower he had picked for me!

We learned about magnets in science!

Aiden learns with us too...but usually ends up doing things like putting socks on his hands haha

Our little band! Learning about instruments in preschool :)

Dinner prep and conversation with my girl

I am taking full advantage of the pumpkin season! :)

1,525 Days of Parenting

We prayed for 1,095 days before we saw our first positive pregnancy test {but unfortunately, we miscarried}.

We got another positive pregnancy test on day 1,294 {and thankfully BOTH babies were born healthy!} 

It was day 1,345 before we made a public announcement.

We met Eli and Maddie on day 1,524. {And we met Aiden on day 2,186}.

And today marks day 1,525 of parenting.

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I know it seems crazy that I count days like this, but these numbers mean something to me. They represent a season of our lives where we struggled, and we labored, and we prayed. A season that we were not sure would end in the way we were hoping. It was 4 years of our lives; 4 years that challenged and changed us.

And while it was a long hard road through infertility and loss, we got our rainbows at the end of the storm! The Lord was faithful to walk with us through the valley, and He has brought an indescribable joy in our 3 little ones. We have been in the messy chaos of parenting, and sometimes it's still hard to believe that we're finally here, finally parenting the babies for which we prayed and longed.

We will forever be thankful for Embryo Adoption, and how the Lord orchestrated our story. It's how the Lord chose to make us parents, and every time I share our story, I am still amazed at all that the Lord has done.

Today marks "the other side." We have officially been parenting longer than we struggled to become parents. It reminds me of how long our original journey was, but also reminds me of how the Lord takes us through seasons. In the midst of the heartache and the uncertainty, it was really hard to imagine being on this side of it. I dreamed of today, but it was really hard to see how it would actually happen. And yet, here I am. On the other side. In an entirely new season.

So on the hard days {because parenting is amazing, but parenting is hard!}, I can remind myself that the Lord is just as faithful now as He was 4, 6, and 8 years ago. That what I think is hard now is just part of this particular season. I will look back on this time at some point in the next season, able to see better all that the Lord has done. Because in every season, He is always working, always faithful, and always good.

I really love Nichole Nordeman's song Every Season. It's a reminder of how the Lord works in various seasons. I pray that I can always keep my eyes on Him, in every season, submitting to the ways He is making me new for His purposes.

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

So here's to being on the "other side" of infertility and loss. To this season of parenting 3 little ones {in the middle of a pandemic, while not feeling well, in a new state}. May I trust the Lord with all He has to teach me, and may I learn to offer thanks for what has been and is to come.

Bible Study in the Season of Littles

One of the hardest things I have discovered in this season of raising littles is the difficulty in staying consistently in God's Word. And yet I have found myself needing to cling to scripture more than ever.  There have been a lot of ebbs and flows over the past few years, and Bible Study has seemed to look a little bit different in varying stages of motherhood so far. I certainly haven't figured it out, and have learned that it is just going to be a daily battle. But it's a battle worth fighting!

When the twins were born, we basically lived in survival mode for the whole first year. My normal routine of sitting down in the quiet, with a hot cup of coffee, and uninterrupted time reading my Bible was no longer possible. I tried. And failed miserably. Listening to the Audio Bible became my lifeline. Once babies were sleeping a little more, I found myself sitting in one place A LOT while feeding them. So we listened to the Word together during those 8-10 scheduled feeding times. I also listened to a lot of sermons, as well as several gospel-focused podcasts. And my sweet friend Laura also came to my rescue, asking me to do a Bible study with her. So then I could get into the Word with some accountability, without having to leave my house, which we were just not prepared to do yet haha.

After surviving that first crazy year, we were already preparing to add a third, and now Eli and Maddie were running around all over the place. They were sleeping more, yes; but my body was in recovery mode from all the lost sleep, and I found it really difficult to get up any earlier to have quiet time in the Word before the crazies were up. That's an excuse, I know. Full disclosure: I chose sleep during that time. So I continued listening to my Audio Bible. I also would read short devotionals before I went to bed at night. Definitely not the meat that I would normally recommend, but thankful for a small way to stay focused on God's Word. 

Before Aiden was born, I got the idea in my head that I could be part of a weekly Bible study that I could join via a video call. BSF offers satellite discussion groups, where you can talk about the weekly lesson with a small group via a Zoom call, and then you can get the lecture and notes online. I was super excited to join this study! I thought, surely I can make this work if I can do it from home, right? Well, enter newborn baby #3 who wasn't exactly on a schedule yet as a tiny 3-week old baby, the craziness of 3 under 3, and then my unexpected hospital visit that just threw all of life upside down. I felt so sad to have to leave that group, but the few times that I actually made the video call, I had to be on mute the whole time because Aiden was screaming in the background, as I was trying to feed him without flashing my poor Bible study group. So not exactly the organized/focused study I was hoping for...

During that time, I continued to listen to my Audio Bible, and I was meditating a lot on specific scripture verses. As I struggled with Postpartum Anxiety, one thing that really helped was to have Bible verses taped to my walls and written down within easy reach. So again, not the in-depth, pick-apart-the-passage study that I am used to, but still a way to stay connected to God's Word. 

And now? I felt like this summer I was finally emerging from the fog and chaos of new motherhood. And I was determined to get to a formalized Bible study. So I signed up for the Acts and Letters of the Apostles study with BSF, and I committed to get all 4 of us out of the house and to class. It has been HARD. Every Wednesday morning is nothing short of chaos. And I am completely exhausted by lunch time. But to be back in the study of God's Word, week after week, with other women who are earnestly seeking Jesus in this season of motherhood...it has been balm to my weary soul. I didn't realize just how much I had missed it. And I love that my kiddos are getting to study the same things that I am studying, just at their level {even Aiden!}. 

So what's the point in sharing all of this? Part of it is my own record; being able to look back over this season of motherhood and "remember when." But mostly, I want to encourage any other mamas who might be struggling. Mama to Littles, I want you to know that you need God's Word to make it through this hard season. Don't give up. It's going to be a daily battle, and it's not always going to look the way you thought it would {or should}. But keep fighting. It's 1000% worth the fight to stay in God's Word, whatever that looks like. Use this unique season to choose specific verses to spend days meditating on. Post it on your bathroom mirror, by your kitchen sink, somewhere you will see it all day long. 

This season is intense, and I know for me, it just seems like all you do is pour yourself out for other people. Which is why it's so important to be sure you are filling your soul so that you can sacrificially and daily serve your little people well. But Mama, give yourself some grace too! I had to let go a little of my "vision" of what Bible study should look like during this season. And I had to recognize that it is just that: a season. This grace isn't a free pass to drop God's Word or find some watered-down version of Bible study. But it is a recognition that God's Word is sufficient, and He is our strength and our shield. We can let go of the legalism of checking our Bible study box, and ask the Spirit to bring His scripture to mind throughout the day. We can find grace in digging back into God's Word, no matter how long it has been.

But whatever Bible study looks like in this crazy, unique season, I highly recommend having a Laura. Everyone needs a Laura in their lives {for multiple reasons!!} But what I mean by that is, make sure you have accountability. Have the friend who is going to constantly ask you what you have been studying in His Word. The friend who will walk through a book with you and have the craziness of all the babies in the background and love you when you didn't quite finish answering all of your questions again. The friend who will send you links to encouraging gospel-centered podcasts, or have an Amazon delivery sent to your house with a pretty devotional book. I am forever grateful for my dear friend, who is constantly pointing me to Jesus, and doing so in a way that lovingly keeps me focused :)  {Love you, friend!}

Hang in there, Mama to Littles! You can do this. Cling to God's Word however you can! I promise, it's worth it.

Searching for Spring

I have had the privilege of being on several of Christine Hoover's launch teams, and I was so excited to be chosen to be a part of launching her newest book Searching for Spring: How God Makes All Things Beautiful in Time. When she sent the blurb about the book she was working on, I knew it was one I would want to read, so I went ahead and pre-ordered it, even before she asked for volunteers for the launch team!

Christine has an incredible gift of graciously expressing deep truths. She writes from her soul and really seeks to encourage others through her writing. She uses a perfect blend of prose, personal stories, and Scripture to share the deep truths. I often picture her sitting down with me, over a cup of coffee, sharing her heart and all the Lord is teaching her. I know that is her desire in her writing, and it certainly comes through in her books.

I have to put a disclaimer on my review for this book. I honestly struggled with this book at first and had to start over. I had a preconceived idea in my head, so when the book wasn't fitting that idea, I just had a hard time following. She breaks the book down into the 4 seasons: summer, fall, winter, spring. So in my mind, I was thinking her analogies would follow those seasons. In some ways she does {particularly in the winter section, which is the majority of the book}. But when there were hardly any summer analogies, and she was talking about winter in the fall section and fall in the winter section...I admit I was frustrated and confused. And it almost ruined the book for me.

BUT...I decided to start over, throwing the seasons out the window. Instead, I just read her words as they came, instead of trying to see how they related to the seasons. And it was SO MUCH BETTER. So while I wish perhaps the sections were not labeled by the seasons {or perhaps the seasonal analogies flowed a little better}, I am so glad that I didn't give up. I know Christine is a tried and true author, so I knew not to let my struggles keep me from gleaning the wisdom she offers. 

So that being said...forget about the seasons altogether and just read the words as they come, and I promise you will not be disappointed. 

Christine opens her book, admitting that we are all looking for beauty in a broken world. As believers, we know that God makes all things beautiful in His time, but when we look around, we see brokenness, pain, and anything but beautiful things. It's hard to see how He is working in the mundane, the difficulties, and the pains of this life. So she takes the reader on a journey of finding the beauty in both familiar and unexpected places. 

She walks us through God's character, and how He is gently working to accomplish His will, even in the seemingly non-beautiful things. While some things will never be made right this side of heaven {what she refers to as "inconsolable things"}, we can still have confidence that God is not absent, but instead graciously crafting the beauty of His will and glory in our lives through redemption. And that sometimes the most beautiful things come from the "ugly" things.

Some of my favorite quotes from the book:

"God is still creating beauty. In fact, he is creating now a beauty that didn't exist at the earth's birth but that only began after Adam and Eve's devastating decision. It is the beauty of redemption, and because God is still creating, he is at this very moment weaving this beauty in us."

 "In our own barrenness, in the unanswered prayer, we must know that God may be silent, but he is never still."

"Dear heart, Jesus didn't say he'd save you from affliction. Instead he asked you to go all-in on a promise of unexpected beauty sprouting up through that very affliction."

"We must stay in the minor key as long as he has us there, because the Holy Spirit's conviction and kindness drawing us to repentance is evidence of his love, and repentance turns the music to a major key once again."

"God can make something beautiful out of you, even the most hopeless, broken-down thing in your life." 

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You can get your copy at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Christianbook.com.

Thank you, Christine for choosing me {yet again} to be on your launch team. And thank you to Baker Publishing Group for providing me with an advanced copy of this book, in exchange for my honest review.