Xanga Posts

Before I blogged here, I blogged on Xanga; anybody remember them? Well, they did away with the site {sort of} so I lost all of my links to that blog. Thank goodness I had copied all of the posts into my files! I have spent some time uploading those posts to blogger, so that I can have everything in one place {and so I can reference back to those posts}. I didn't edit any of the content, though it was pretty tempting at times :)

 

While adding my Xanga posts here on this blog, I had the opportunity to read back through everything. Entertaining for sure! I realized a few things about myself in my early blogging days:

• My writing was bi-polar. No joke- one post I was down in the dumps, the next I was happy as a clam. Talk about all over the place! If you feel that way when you read my posts now, I'm sorry! I will try to be better about that :)

• I complained a lot. The time in my life is not one I am proud of as it relates to my spiritual journey. The Lord was teaching me a lot of things, but I was pretty stubborn. I read through those old posts and just shake my head at myself. Hindsight is 20/20 :)
 
• I used a lot of dramatic wording. Again, if only I had the wisdom and maturity to see how ridiculous I was. It encourages me that I can look back and see my own immaturity; I hope that means that I will only gain more wisdom the older I get!
 
• I didn't have many photos. Of course, those were the days before phones had cameras. It's crazy to think about how much blogging has changed.

I started blogging in 2006, mainly because I felt like I needed an outlet for the struggles I was facing at the time. I didn't know how to put into words the things I was struggling with, and somehow blogging made sense {?}. I eventually realized that my old blog had taken a tone I didn't necessarily want to continue forever, which is part of the reason why I moved to blogger in March 2009. I wanted to redeem my writing. I don't always post the most spiritual and/or redemptive posts; but I do try to be mindful of the things I do write about. And even writing this post reminds me of why I started blogging and even titled my blog the way I did. 

 

I love reading back through my blog; it's a great thing to have a record of your life, and it helps me reflect on where I have been. The Lord has certainly done a lot of work in my heart, but I know He still has so much more left to do. I love being reminded of how good He is: what He has done in my life, the prayers He has answered {and even graciously NOT answered}, and all He has taught me. 

 

Dear Lord...

Please help me to trust You when things don't work out and I have to surrender my dreams. Help me to rest in the fact that You see things from a much bigger vantage point than I ever could. Help me to know that You always have my best interests in mind, even when You close doors I wanted open. And help me Lord to be ever mindful of Your power that is always at work—even when I can't see it. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Such a Beat Down

I have always considered myself a fairly confident person. I have been blessed with a healthy self-esteem, growing up under a sweet mother who told me every day how beautiful and special I was. I have been taught to have a good work ethic, to set goals and work hard to achieve them. I have been taught to give my best in everything I do to the glory of God. My gracious Creator formed my type-A personality, instilling a sense of responsibility and consistency…and my flesh sometimes takes that to an over-achiever, perfectionist extreme. In short, I work hard to do well.

 

That attitude carried me through honors classes in high school, where I graduated 3^rd in my class. And because 3^rd wasn’t good enough for me- haha- it carried me through college where I graduated from a top tier school with a 4.0 with the honor of highest ranked woman in business. I set a goal, I worked hard, and God blessed the effort I put forth to give my best to Him. I worked my way through school, gaining valuable work experience along the way, continuing to enhance my skills. I took leadership roles, volunteered, and still maintained a healthy balance (haha- close friends and family might disagree). I did all that I could to enhance my resume. I say all of this not to brag on myself; please don’t misunderstand. I just want to give you a picture. Because this is where the beat down comes…

 

How is it that I can do all that, achieve all that, and still not be qualified? How is that I am never good enough? How is it that they always end up choosing someone else? I mean really…do the other candidates walk on water? Do they have some secret super power? Haha. Again, I am not trying to say I am better than other candidates…but I am really struggling to understand what it is that they have that I don’t. I just want to know. What else could I have done/could I do? Do you have any idea how discouraging that is? “I’m sorry, but perfect grades, graduating first in your class, working your way through school, having leadership roles…nope. Not good enough. Someone else is more qualified than you.” HOW?!?! How are they more qualified? I have never felt more inadequate, unqualified, inexperienced, incompetent. So much for confidence in my abilities. Sigh.

 

Now, I understand that with the current state of the economy, I am not alone. I know there are a TON of qualified people in this same boat. And I am not trying to say I am the only one getting the shaft. I understand there are a lot of people looking for work, making the job market so overly saturated, it really is a shot in the dark when you apply for a job. To even get an interview is a miracle. I get all of that. But it still doesn’t make it easier. It’s still overly discouraging. To hear over and over (and over and over) that your best is not good enough…complete beat down. My theology and my head tell me that God is in control. But as the days, weeks, and months pass…I grow weaker and more weary.

 

I am tired. Tired of wading through google searches, career websites, career centers, job postings. Tired of editing and re-working my resume. Tired of writing cover letters, submitting applications, providing references. I am tired of interviews. I’m tired of telling people how excited I am about the possibility of working for them, growing with their company, contributing my talents. I am tired of waiting on HR managers, just to hear “no” again. I am tired of sending thank you notes, follow up emails, and decision inquiries. I am tired of hearing “It will come soon. Surely you will get a job soon. It will be ok.”

 

I just have to say (and this is not meant to be a guilt trip, or an attempt at being a martyr): if you still have your job, be thankful for it. If you have survived the last round of layoffs at your company, be grateful you have a paycheck for that much longer. After my long post, I do have to say that I am VERY thankful for the temp work that God has provided in the interim. I don't want to be remiss in mentioning His provision as I continue my search. Last summer, when I was experiencing this same situation (yeah, this isn't new to me. sigh) I wrote about never complaining about Mondays again in my life. And since then, and in my work at Eagle U, I never complained about having to get up and go to work on Mondays. I looked forward to Mondays, because it meant I had a job to go to. This time around, I am resolving to remember to be grateful for my job...no matter how bad things are. I am resolving to be grateful for even the menial tasks. Because usually the things we complain about are little and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things anyway.

 

I need relief. And I need it soon…

Girls Weekend!

This weekend, Nicki came into town to visit! This was definitely a long-missed and much-needed weekend with good friends. Friday we just hung out and talked, cathcing up on everything. Laura made us a yummy bar-b-q dinner, and it was so good to just sit and talk like we did in college days. It definitely made me miss our time at Baylor...how easy it was just to take a quick run down the beartrail to hang out with Nicki and Laura. How great it was to go to church each week with sweet friends. While things have changed since our days at Baylor, we have been incredibly blessed to remain close. While Laura is across the metroplex, and Nicki is in a different city, God has allowed us to maintain our friendship. And girls' weekends like this are such a sweet treat.

Saturday we met for lunch, then began our day of shopping! It was such a nice day (despite the clouds). We spent the day walking around the outlet mall and the new Watters Creek shopping center in Allen. We also spent some time in Sam Moon.

All that shopping made us hungry for...cupcakes! We headed over to Sprinkles to enjoy the best cupcakes on the planet (but not before catching the tail end of Sonic's Happy Hour). No joke. These cupcakes are amazing.

And what Girls' Weekend would be complete without a girly movie? We finished our day by heading to see Confessions of a Shopaholic (kind of ironic, considering how we spent our day!). All in all, it was a GREAT weekend. I have such amazing friends, and I definitely cherish times like this.

Lunch...$9

Watch battery (my purchase of the day- haha)...$10

Sprinkles cupcake...$4

Sonic happy hour drink...$0.75

Movie ticket...$9.25

Weekend with your best friends...priceless

:)

Wedding Madness

This weekend I coordinated the wedding of my sweet friend Austen. When she came to me last fall, asking if I would help with her wedding planning, I readily agreed. Little did I know what I was really getting myself into... "Helping" turned into "full-out planning." LOL. Despite the initial shock of the reality of my role, I was eager to tackle the challenge. I just have to explain the broad scope of what I got myself into...

Back in the fall, I was asked to plan a May wedding in Charleston, South Carolina. That was a challenge, considering I live in Texas. But we were making headway, and things were starting to fall into place. Right before New Year's, the sweet bride came to me with an event revision: we were moving the wedding to Texas! Despite the fact the last few months of planning were gone, I was excited to ease the stress of a far away wedding. The catch was that she was moving the wedding up two months. That's right- a March wedding in Texas. I had just over 2 months to re-plan an entire wedding. Ha!

You have to understand: I absolutely LOVE event coordination. It's my chosen career choice, and never am I more in my element than when I am planning/coordinating an event. And I was more than happy to help a friend. But I quickly realized I was in over my head when the clock was ticking and I was a staff of one. I faced wall after wall, challenge after challenge. But in the end- it was a beautiful wedding, no major mishaps, and the bride was happy. What more could I ask for?

As I ran around all weekend trying to get this wedding to go off without a hitch, I had to pause (if only for a brief millisecond) and reflect on what I was actually doing. While it was crazy, and I nearly had a heart attack more than once over the course of the weekend- lol- I realized that I was doing what I loved. And I realized I couldn't give it up without a fight. Now understand, if God asked me to give it up because He had something else for me, I would. It would be extremely difficult to do, but I would do it. But throughout this job search process, I have wondered if I was in the wrong industry. Given the economy, there aren't a plethora of event jobs out there. But after this weekend, I felt as though God was confirming the gifts/talents He created in me. This is what I am supposed to do. It's not the overall calling on my life- planning events as a calling would be silly. But I do believe it is the job He created for me in this temporal world. The gifts and abilities He has developed in me...I was meant to plan events. My calling is how I plan those events and impact the people I come in contact with for the glory of God and the advancement of His kingdom.

And so I continue searching and I continue waiting. As I unloaded my car from the wedding, I had a vision of the future. I looked at the mound of event materials that littered my backseat, and I thought: one day, I am going to look back on this day and smile. I am going to smile to see where I started...and how far God had brought me from 'those early days.' I am going to smile as I think how I got my start...and so I share with you a snapshot of my "before." This is where Erin, Certified Meeting and Event Planner, got her start: her apartment was her office, her living room was her warehouse, her personal vehicle was her first loading truck, her first clients were her friends...

On a random note...I just have to say that I am a HUGE fan of staying in a hotel. (Told you it was random). I think the thing I have realized is that it's not just about staying in a hotel...it's about staying in a hotel by myself. I stayed in a hotel over the weekend for the wedding so that I could be close to the event venue...and I was happy as a clam. It was a basic hotel...a Holiday Inn Express, actually. But just having my own space...so nice. I had a king-sized bed, a flat screen HDTV, an in-room coffee maker, and my choice of pillow firmness- lol. I am fairly easy to please.

My hotel room for the event weekend...

The choice of pillow firmness just made me laugh!

Ready to take on the day...ready to tackle this wedding...

Dear Lord...

Thank You that in the midst of uncertain times, fearful times, and heart-aching times, You are the One I can be certain of. Thank You for being a Sure Thing, for now and always. Let my mind be filled with You, and then I will know Your peace which is supernatural. Lord, I pray that You will strengthen me in this trial, and during it, I ask that You will cause my heart and my mind to continue to turn to You. Lord, don't let this hard time cause me to be bitter or despairing. Instead, let me come out of it on the other side with a stronger trust in You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Don't Ask for the Rain Unless You are Prepared for It

So apparently my feelings of hope and the end of a chapter in my life was wrong. I did not get the job I had hoped for. They called to tell me how wonderful I was, how impressed they were with me...but at the end of the day, they chose the candidate with more experience. Sigh. Story of my life. It's that whole catch-22: you need more experience to get hired, but no one is willing to give it. It's so hard to hear "you're so great! you're so wonderful! but we don't want you!" grrrr

 

I wish I could say I praised God despite hearing "no" one more time...but I didn't. I am weak, and I had had a conversation with God stating that I just couldn't hear "no" again. So when I did...I was angry. I can't remember the last time I was really angry. I don't get angry. Sure, I get frustrated, upset, irritated...never angry. And yet, because I am so vulnerable and weak, I got angry. And in a way, I felt betrayed. I can't understand why a good God would provide all of these wonderful opportunities, open all of these doors, just to slam them all in my face. Because that's what it felt like. I had hot tears last night as I shouted at God. I told Him I couldn't hear "no" again. I told Him I was tired and weary and just needed some relief. I told Him how excited I was about this job and how much I wanted it. And after my shouting match, I felt empty and confused.

 

I don't recommend getting angry at God. That's not what I am advocating. But it's how I felt last night, and so I let Him have it. He wanted honest: I was HONEST. He wants me to go to Him and tell Him how I feel: I told Him what I really thought. I cried my eyes out until the tears literally just ran out...and I was left with a swollen face and a mess of snot. LOL. I'm sorry- that's gross. It's a good thing you weren't there. After my tantrum, I asked God to just let me fall asleep because I just couldn't talk to Him anymore and I didn't want to think about anything anymore...

 

I do have to make sure that you understand that my anger has subsided, and I am starting to think a little more rationally now. I spent the morning in prayer...in quiet submission and repentance before my holy God. I'm lucky He didn't strike me where I was...part of me feels like the only reason why He didn't is because part of me just wished He would- LOL. I spent a good amount of time with my face on the floor, lying flat before the God of the universe. I had to ask for forgiveness and surrender everything. And I know that was only the beginning. I know I still have a long way to go, and I am not any less confused or hurt by the situation.

 

So what now? I honestly don't know. I have some very hard decisions to make in a short period of time, and I don't know where to begin. I feel as though my whole world has turned upside down- how that was possible from being more turned upside than it already was...I don't know, but I found out it was possible yesterday. And somehow I have to figure out how to pick up the pieces, still trust God in the process, and move forward. I don't know where to go next. None of my options look good or appealing at this point...and I need wisdom, discernment, and direction.

 

A sweet friend sent me a link to a sermon she heard this weekend that made her think of me. It was entitled "God Puts Us in the Right Place" and it was preached by a beloved pastor from home- Robert Emmitt. It was perfect, as though it were preached just for me. If you get a chance, you should listen to it. Especially if you are experiencing a situation where you are trying really hard for something, doing all the right things, asking, seeking, knocking...and all of the doors are closing. In case you need a little outline, here are the major points of his sermon:

 

If God's not in it, you won't be either. God wants us to knock on the door; He doesn't want us to kick it in. When we can't understand why the door isn't opening and wonder what the deal is, we have to remember that God is the deal. We cannot make God's will happen. God has no obligation to give us the things we want or ask for. He is the sovereign God of the universe; He's not going to put you someplace that He is not.

 

God knows where you are and can get you where He wants you to be. We shouldn't chase after God's will; it is not obscure, mystical, or mysterious. To be in God's will is to walk in the moment, saying "God, you know where I am; if you want me to move, you can make it happen." We need to just live our life and not try to make things happen. "Our job as followers of God and trusting in Jesus Christ is to live a quiet, faithful, daily life in the Lord; to walk in the Spirit, to pray, to say 'Lord, who do I see? who do I talk to? who do I help?' Then live in that moment. If He wants me someplace else, He can make it happen.

 

Ask, seek, and knock and leave the results to God. A closed door is not a test for us to see if we will kick it open. God puts us in the right place, at the right time, with the right people...we just have to trust Him.

 

It presented me just enough strength and hope for a little more endurance. I have a lot to think about, a lot to pray about. Please pray for wisdom and clear direction. And pray for renewal of faith and trust.

VIN- Very Important Neighbor

This morning on my way to work, I saw former President George W. Bush! I knew the former president was going to be a close neighbor of mine…I just didn’t realize how close. I was sitting at a light near the office building where my temp job is located, when I saw a police car turn onto the street in front of me. It was followed by 4 black SUVs and another police car. Former President Bush was headed to work in his new office building, which is located in the same center that my current office building is located. I had heard several people in the office talk about seeing the secret service men around the area, but this morning, I actually got to see the former president! I don’t know why, but there always seems to be a certain level of excitement when a VIP person is within close proximity- regardless of who they are. I just thought it was a fun way to start my day. Random, but nonetheless fun.

***Unfortunately, I cannot take credit for this photo...I wasn't able to snap my own picutre of the former president, but this is still the image I saw this morning, and the one I would have taken if I could have reacted faster.

I have been watching the news coverage of former President Bush and Laura Bush moving back to Dallas- it’s kind of a big deal around here. I knew he was moving into the neighborhood- and I have been getting the inside scoop from one of the girls in my Bible Study group- her parents live on Daria Place, the street where the Bush’s have taken up residence. She has been telling me about all the craziness that has descended on her parents’ street. Can you imagine?

I feel a special kinship with the former president and former governor of Texas. When I was in 7^th grade, our class took a field trip to the State Capitol Building, where then-Governor Bush spoke to us about Texas politics. As he was leaving and my other classmates began to mill around, the governor stopped at the door, turned back toward the room, and winked at me before he headed out for a meeting. I know that sounds super cheesy, but it was a big deal to a 7^th grader, and you know you’re jealous- lol.

Influx of Interviews

So many of you know that I am still on the job hunt, waiting to finally be able to count myself "employed" again. Despite the fact that I am starting month 4 of my search, I have to admit that I have had a ridiculous amount of interviews. Considering the state of the economy, with continued announcements of layoffs and cutbacks, and considering the niche industry that I have chosen for my career...I have had more interviews in the past 2 months than I had the entire 6 months after graduation! When I really sat down to think about it, I really couldn't believe it! At the very core, it really is a testament to God's sovereignty. My God is so much bigger than the economy and the supposed woes that our country faces. And the truth remains that anything and everything comes from Him. His timing is perfect, and when He wants me to have a job, He will provide it- regardless of what is going on around me.

 

At first glance, I would be apt to start wondering about my interview abilities- haha. So many interviews...no offers. Hmmm...might make you question, right? Like, am I really that bad at interviews? Do I really say that many dumb things? I mean, sometimes I do, but I have seen God open and close doors for various reasons, and it has been (while hard) an exciting journey to watch His hand move in my life. I really believe that God has provided the mass quantity of interviews as a source of encouragement to me. He knew the darkness I walked through when I didn't receive any interviews after graduation, and I think this time around He is reminding me that He is working and that He has everything under control. He is reminding me that He directs the plans of my life, not the economy, not my resume or interview skills, not employers or the job process. God is in control. I feel so lucky to have been able to see some of the reasons that God has led me in the directions He has, lucky to see some of why He has closed certain doors. And it makes me all that more excited for what He will provide!

 

This could be wishful thinking, but I feel as though my time is close. I feel as though I might even know this week. I have a second interview with a company on Tuesday, and I have a good feeling about this one. Of course, I have had "good feelings" before, and I could just be willing the circumstances to work themselves out....it's been a long process, don't judge me. I could be wrong. But as I have walked in this process, I am finally starting to learn to follow His leading and trust His plan. I wish I could say I have mastered this process, but I fear I have allowed my flesh to interfere too often. I fear I am a slow learner...sigh. But God is good, and thankfully does not give up on people like me. He still wants to continue the molding process.

 

Please continue praying for direction and discernment. I really hope to be celebrating God's amazing provision by the end of this week. How awesome would that be?!?! But if He chooses to close this door too, I am confident that He will continue leading me toward the job He has had waiting for me all along. And if He says "no" to this job too, I can rejoice in God's perfect plan and continued provision despite the lack of a stable job. He is good all the time!

A Smoke Signal

Here I am again: struggling. For the record, I hate being here :( I often wonder if I will ever reach a point in my life when I won't struggle, and when it will just come naturally to trust God regardless of what is going on around me. It is certainly a goal...a constant striving to conform more and more to the image of Christ. And yet, today, I struggle. Blah.

 

I know God has a plan. I know His timing is perfect. I know He has not forgotten me, and that He is working even now to draw me closer to Him. I know a lot of things. So why do I still struggle so much? Because I am a hopeless mess, that's why. Haha. It's a process- don't judge. Some of us are slower learners than others...

 

A friend sent me this email today, and because I am such a mess, I actually burst into tears after reading it- lol. How lame is that? But it really hit me right where I am, and it was something I really needed to hear. Whatever you are struggling with or going through, I hope this encourages you that way it encouraged me- even if it means a cry session. Haha. But I pray your cry session turns into cries to the Holy and Gracious God who loves you and cares about you more than you can ever know.

 

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?' Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied.

 

The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

I Want to Be...A Living Prayer

In this world I walk alone with no place to call my home
But there's One who holds my hand
The rugged road through barren lands
The way is dark, the road is steep
But He's become my eyes to see
The strength to climb, my griefs to bear
This Savior lives inside me there

In Your love I find release
A haven from my unbelief
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer my God to thee

In these trials of life I find
Another Voice inside my mind
He comforts me and bids me live
Inside the love the Father gives

In your love I find release
A haven from my unbelief
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer my God to thee
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer my God to thee

Currently Listening: A Living Prayer, by Alison Krauss

Happy Valentine's Day!

I wanted to wish everyone a happy valentine's day! In honor of this special day, I couldn't help but post some fun valentines. Enjoy and know that you are loved!

 

 

 

 

Birthday Celebration Continued

I already like birthday #24 better than any of the others, mainly because it seems to never end! LOL. I celebrated with my family last weekend, and this weekend was a fun weekend too! Friday we had a fellowship for our BSF group. That was unrelated to my birthday, but still a fun way to hang out with my girls and spend a Friday night. And it was definitely an adventure! About an hour before we were supposed to meet, I found out that the power went out at the house that was hosting the fellowship. We had already cancelled this particular fellowship twice before, so I just couldn't bear to do it again. So our sweet hostess made the decision to go forward in the dark! We lit candles, collected flashlights, and even tried our hand at building an outdoor fire. Several paper towels, matches, and a dental plan later, we had success! We had our own little BSF camping fellowship. And yes, we roasted s'mores.

Our set-up outside:

Roasting marshmallows

My girls were such good sports! What a fun memory...

The power eventually came back on, so we headed inside for a rousing game of Moses Taboo. That's right. We are studying the Life of Moses this year and one of the girls created her own Taboo game that related to our study. It was so fun and most definitely BSF!

Saturday I got to spend my birthday with Laura, and she took me to Forth Worth. We spent the day downtown; we ate lunch at Cantina Laredo, walked around visiting a few shops, and went to see a movie. We drove down to the stockyards in hopes of doing something that is unique to Forth Worth. Unfortunately, it was not quite what we expected. The rodeo was in town, so it was super busy. We could have handled that, but after passing row after row of motorcycles and their bikers and then coming across a massive amount of cow poop in the parking lot, we decided to go to Sonic for Dr Peppers instead. It was such a fun day, and I am so grateful to Laura for making it a great birthday! Somehow, we made it the whole day without taking any pictures (which makes me VERY sad), but I did manage to get a picture of the cookie cake she got for me. Laura said it showed our priorities- lol. I say: well, cookie cake is pretty important.

Today, my sweet brother came to church with me. It was nice to go to church with him; it's been a long time since we have done that, and I was really grateful to worship with him. He came to 20s group with me too, so I was able to introduce him to everyone. I was most definitely a proud sister! I can't help it. He's pretty amazing. After church, he took me to lunch for one of my favorite things: sushi! He is my sushi-eating buddy, so it was good to pick out new things to try. And catching up with good conversation over raw fish...it just doesn't get any better than that. He really is the best brother in the world, and I am so grateful for the restored relationship that God has provided to us. It is so fun to have him in the same city, and I am grateful for the time we get to spend together.

I am so grateful to everyone who made my birthday special. I have felt so incredibly loved in the past couple of weeks, for more reasons than just my birthday. I am grateful to God for the way He has comforted and loved on me in recent days.

Oh HGTV, How I Heart Thee

Ok. I have to confess...I am officially obsessed with HGTV. I love the entire channel- the concept, the shows, the designers, all of it. It is probably one of the most inspiring television channels that I have come across. Whether it's 24 Hour Design, Color Splash, Decorating Cents, Design on a Dime, Designed to Sell, Designers' Challenge, Divine Design, or Myles of Style (just to name a few of my favorites- haha), I just can't seem to get enough! It makes me want to run out, pick fun paint colors, and redesign my entire apartment! My creative juices are flowing, and I have this incredible desire to redesign my space. When I get a new job and move to a new apartment, I will have somewhat of a clean slate, which will be perfect! The greatest part of a lot of my favorite shows is that they show you how to do things yourself, on a small budget (which is exactly what I need!) I have been carefully collecting ideas and absorbing as much information as I can to expand my decorating knowledge.

 

According to the online HGTV quiz, my design style is Classic Casual with a hint of Old World, New Way. Classic Casual is also known as Transitional. It is a mix of contemporary and traditional. It is usually updated, graceful, and enduring. Old World, New Way is deep, rich, and regal but muted for a time-worn effect. Finishes are distressed, woodword is rough-hewn. It is a lived-in but luxurious old world style. I couldn't have described it better myself! And how fun is that?

A Very Happy Un-Birthday (or Early Birthday)

Since my parents were in town for my doctor's appointment, we took the opportunity to celebrate my birthday a little early (and of course, I was not about to argue!) We spent most of Friday and Saturday apartment shopping, which is one of my most favorite things to do. I am not sure why, but I really enjoy it. And my dad wanted to have a say in where I might live next. I found an apartment that I love. It's a perfect location, they will accept Sasha, and it's really pretty. It's perfect! Now I just have to hear back about the job...haha.

For my birthday, my parents bought me the perfume I have wanted for as long as I can remember. I know that sounds weird, but you don't understand how long I have searched for this heavenly scent! A friend in high school wore this particular scent, and I never asked her what it was. So for several years I have gone on a perfume-sniffing hunt to find the right one. No really, I actually did. Sad, I know. Last year, a girl in my bible study walked into the room and I knew right away the scent the followed her. I made sure to ask her what she was wearing; I had finally found my mystery scent! Burberry. I am absolutely addicted to this perfume. I love it! But even though I had finally figured it out, it was never in the budget. So my parents were sweet enough to buy it for me for my 24th birthday. Because, as my mom said, "you only turn 24 once, right?"

Last night, my dad took me to the Cheesecake Factory for cheesecake- my most favorite dessert! Laura, Michael, and his friend Gina were able to join us, which made for a fun birthday celebration. This isn't the best picture, but the only one I took of the night. You get the idea...

  

I have to say that I am kind of excited about turning 24. It's a year older, and not much of a landmark year, but I just feel as though it's a whole new level. A whole new stage in life. I can't really describe it; but 24 just feels like it's going to be a good year :)

A Day for Giving Thanks

Praise God from whom all blessings flow! I had my follow-up appointment this morning with the neuro-opthamologist. All of the tests came back normal- the blood work, the MRI/MRA (we are still waiting on the MRV results, but the doctor is confident those will come back normal as well, based on the MRI and bloodwork). I can't tell you how incredibly relieved I am! I haven't been able to stop praising God for His continued watch care over me!

 

So what's with the swelling on my optic nerves? Well, he thinks it's pseudo papilledema...but he thinks it's just something I was born with. My optic nerves were just made swollen. LOL. Go figure. Always the strange things...he does want me to have vision field testing every 3 months for the next year to make sure nothing changes. And if something changes and/or I develop symptoms of any kind, I will go back to see him for further testing (i.e., spinal tap). But he is unconcerned that anything will develop- he just thinks I was born this way. Who knew?

 

I can't even describe the sense of relief and joy I felt once that burden was lifted from my shoulders. My parents were in tears...haha. They had a lot of pent up nerves. It was such a day of rejoicing and thanking God for His incredible blessings. I firmly believe in the power of prayer and was able to see God's provision and power once again through all of the prayers lifted up over just this one request. It was such a sweet blessing to be able to rejoice with friends and family over His answer to prayer. So thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement over the past few weeks. I cannot tell you how much they mean to me.

 

I am still waiting to hear about the job...we're still praying for that one!

Praying for Miracles

So I am finally facing the end of this week. It's been a long period of waiting...too much time for my mind to think too much. Haha. And despite the fact I didn't think it could come fast enough, it is finally here. It's kind of a big week. I feel like my whole life is dependent on what happens in the next couple of days. That might be slightly over-dramatic...maybe not my whole life. But at least the next stage in my life.

 

Tomorrow morning is my follow-up doctor's appointment with the neuro-opthamologist. I get my results back- from all the blood work and the MRI/MRA/MRV. I think the hardest part is that it could be any number of things. Most of the options are fairly serious. I have so much to praise God for with regard to the circumstances surrounding this whole ordeal. Timing, good doctors, making it through tests, and even the mere fact that my optometrist spotted the problem. I have so many people praying for me, even people I have never even met...it is overwhelming! And I have felt God's peace over the past couple of weeks. But the truth of the matter is that it is still scary. I have been trying to prepare myself for the worst...that's logical, right? Prepare myself for the worst, so that I am not thrown any curve balls. If it turns out to be the worst, I saw it coming. If it's not as bad, even better! But really, how do you prepare yourself for something like this? I have the confidence that my God is good and will walk with me regardless of what the doctor says tomorrow. It's still just so bizarre that my life could change tomorrow. Or not change at all tomorrow. It's bizarre to me that the words of one person, the results of one series of tests can determine how I spend my next steps in life. Or not spend them. This is by far one of the most intense things I have faced in my life. I am praying for favorable results, of course. But I am also praying that I have the strength to praise God no matter what the results may be. I am praying that God is glorified through whatever I may face. The comforting thing is that God already knows the results and what my future holds. And He is going to be the same tomorrow when I finally know the results: good, loving, holy, righteous, and sovereign.

 

I am also supposed to know about a new job in the next few days. It's really hard because I am so excited about this job opportunity, I can hardly stand it. It's almost as though the job description was written specifically for me. It is everything I am looking for in a new job. It's an amazing opportunity, and I really want this job. If I don't get an offer...I just don't know what I am going to do from here. No one else is hiring right now. I have watched the news in the last few weeks, listening to all the news coverage on layoff after layoff. It kind of makes me sick to my stomach. I have still been looking for other jobs to apply for, and there just aren't any available. Everyone is on a hiring freeze because of fears in the economy. So this is kind of my shot. I know God has a plan. I am just hoping and praying that this particular job is it...haha. I know my God is bigger than this whole economic mess. I am praying that I can trust that- whether I get an offer for this specific job or not.