Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Praying for Miracles

So I am finally facing the end of this week. It's been a long period of waiting...too much time for my mind to think too much. Haha. And despite the fact I didn't think it could come fast enough, it is finally here. It's kind of a big week. I feel like my whole life is dependent on what happens in the next couple of days. That might be slightly over-dramatic...maybe not my whole life. But at least the next stage in my life.
Tomorrow morning is my follow-up doctor's appointment with the neuro-opthamologist. I get my results back- from all the blood work and the MRI/MRA/MRV. I think the hardest part is that it could be any number of things. Most of the options are fairly serious. I have so much to praise God for with regard to the circumstances surrounding this whole ordeal. Timing, good doctors, making it through tests, and even the mere fact that my optometrist spotted the problem. I have so many people praying for me, even people I have never even is overwhelming! And I have felt God's peace over the past couple of weeks. But the truth of the matter is that it is still scary. I have been trying to prepare myself for the worst...that's logical, right? Prepare myself for the worst, so that I am not thrown any curve balls. If it turns out to be the worst, I saw it coming. If it's not as bad, even better! But really, how do you prepare yourself for something like this? I have the confidence that my God is good and will walk with me regardless of what the doctor says tomorrow. It's still just so bizarre that my life could change tomorrow. Or not change at all tomorrow. It's bizarre to me that the words of one person, the results of one series of tests can determine how I spend my next steps in life. Or not spend them. This is by far one of the most intense things I have faced in my life. I am praying for favorable results, of course. But I am also praying that I have the strength to praise God no matter what the results may be. I am praying that God is glorified through whatever I may face. The comforting thing is that God already knows the results and what my future holds. And He is going to be the same tomorrow when I finally know the results: good, loving, holy, righteous, and sovereign.
I am also supposed to know about a new job in the next few days. It's really hard because I am so excited about this job opportunity, I can hardly stand it. It's almost as though the job description was written specifically for me. It is everything I am looking for in a new job. It's an amazing opportunity, and I really want this job. If I don't get an offer...I just don't know what I am going to do from here. No one else is hiring right now. I have watched the news in the last few weeks, listening to all the news coverage on layoff after layoff. It kind of makes me sick to my stomach. I have still been looking for other jobs to apply for, and there just aren't any available. Everyone is on a hiring freeze because of fears in the economy. So this is kind of my shot. I know God has a plan. I am just hoping and praying that this particular job is it...haha. I know my God is bigger than this whole economic mess. I am praying that I can trust that- whether I get an offer for this specific job or not.

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