Wednesday, January 21, 2009

And Now We Wait

Thank you for all of your prayers for my MRI/MRA/MRV testing! God was so good to me this morning; everything went well with the second session! I actually got really nervous last night, which is silly, I know. I knew what to expect, but I was worried about having a reaction to the contrast. I was working on a few things last night before I headed to bed. I had the TV on for background noise and can you believe it? A commercial came on about the contrast used in MRIs. It was one of those lawyer commercials- "have you or your loved one suffered this long list of side effects as a direct result of a recent MRI? You are entitled to a cash settlement...." LOL. Are you kidding me? I had to laugh- I had never seen that commercial before, and it would air the night before I was going to have contrast for an MRI. Not quite the way to calm the nerves. Haha.
When they took me back, I made sure to explain to them about my "situation." I just warned the tech that I might need a few minutes to make sure I was not going to have a reaction to the contrast before they put me back in the tube. He kind of got quiet and gently explained to me that I couldn't move. Even when they pulled me out to administer the contrast, I still had to lay perfectly still. I asked him what happens if I get dizzy and need to vomit, and he just repeated that I needed to lay perfectly still. Oh goodness. So I immediately started praying. I am an adult for goodness sake- surely I can handle this. I can will myself to not make a scene, right? Haha. God was so good to me, and I didn't even feel the contrast being administered! No reaction, no embarassment!  I know that it was definitely the power of prayer!
So now I have to wait. I don't like to wait. LOL. I will make an appointment for next week with the neuro-opthamologist to receive the official results and diagnosis. It's going to be a long week. Haha. But at least I have some other things I can be focusing on, which will help pass the time. You know, I feel like I have a strange mixture of fear and peace. I realize that sounds crazy. I am nervous- I am not going to lie. Part of that is my fault: I did google research despite the fact I told myself I was not going to. I just couldn't help it. Curiosity got the best of me. Everything is starting to sink in, and it hit me the other day that this could actually be serious. And that's scary. Yet, despite my nerves, I am strangely calm. I know that is God's supernatural peace surrounding me. So many people have been praying for me- I can literally feel the blanket of prayers covering me! While I am nervous, I feel strangely ok about whatever the doctor might say. If the news is bad, of course it will be hard. But I feel somewhat prepared. Which sounds so weird. I don't feel like I am explaining it well. What I do know is that God is good and He has a plan. I know that the God who created me, loves me and wants good things for me. I know that God will not be surprised by the doctor's diagnosis. And I know that my God will carry me through anything and everything I might face. And that brings an immense amount of peace.

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