Friday, October 16, 2009

No Matter What

My journey from this...

to this...

So I am trying this whole new approach to stress, and so far it’s working out pretty well for me. The whole idea is simple: just don’t stress! LOL. For those who know me well, you understand what that statement actually means for this crazy blogger. Someone once told me that they were convinced my middle name was “stress.” Not what I would call a compliment.

Simply put, I don’t really have a great track record when it comes to “letting go and letting God.” If you have followed my blog over the past few years, you probably noticed the struggle. My heart really is to follow His plan and do His will; but somehow I always manage to get in the way. Unfortunately, I may have to accept the fact that I am completely broken and will spend my whole life trying to get it right. I pray that’s not the case, but we’re talking some deep-rooted personality flaws here.

It’s funny (or probably not so funny) how when you don’t listen or choose to do things God's way, He has a way of orchestrating things so you get back on track. This, my friends, is the biggest expression of God’s love and patience toward me, as I tend to veer off course a lot. I am a hopeless mess who absolutely and completely needs her Savior. I think this past year I have learned this lesson more than any other. Praise God that He took all that I trusted in away so that I could recognize that fact. Since then, I resolved that things were going to be different.

So that brings us back to my new approach of not stressing (and moving from the crazy monkey to the more laid back monkey, metaphorically speaking- haha). I can honestly say that I have been stress-free for 6 months now. Granted, things are going well. Bad, frustrating, and disappointing things have happened, but nothing completely earth shattering. Perhaps my perspective has changed given the past year; things that used to stress me out seem so trivial now. God has been faithful and I have slowly grown to trust Him more and more each day. I feel as though I am falling in love with my Savior all over again- something I have prayed for for a long time. Don’t misunderstand me- I still have mountains of work to do. But one step at a time; and remember I have to make up a few steps from when I took a few steps back.

But it’s easy to trust God in the good times, right? Things are going well, and praising His name is easy! I am not so na├»ve anymore and understand that it really only matters when reality hits. So all this time, in the midst of praising Him for all the good things in my life right now, I have been praying (praying hard) that God would make this new-found faith real. Part of my journey to the heart of God is truly grasping that God is sovereign and has the best plan for me…no matter what.

I feel as though I had my first test this week. Something important (something that was promised to me) was supposed to happen and now things are changing. My flesh is frustrated with the way things are being handled, and I feel as though I am at war. I am fighting to trust God no matter what happens with this situation. It’s hard, and it is a minute by minute struggle. But God is faithful and has provided strength and peace through the process. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I am praying desperately that the words of this blog will be as true then as they are right now. I want to be that Christian- the one who is able to trust God in the hard/frustrating/seemingly unfair times and be ok with whatever He answers. And really, I want to be more than just ok; I want to be joyful. Even if that answer is “just kidding- change of plans” ora flat out “no.”

So please pray for me. Right now, I am filled with God’s peace, and I am committed to trusting Him. For the first time in my entire life, I am actually not stressed about something I normally would be. And that, my friends, is a victory in Christ worth blogging about :)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Looking Back

It's interesting to look back at this past year. In so many ways, I am speechless at how much has happened in a year's time. I know that people usually look back at the year in December. But for me, so many pivotal things happened in the fall of last year. I know I have said over and over about how amazed I am at where God has brought me. But so help me, I don't ever want to stop saying it.

A year ago I found the church family I have grown to love...

A year ago, I was praying for courage to leave the job I loved, and I had no idea the journey God would take me on...

A year ago, I was starting my role as a discussion leader at BSF...

A year ago, if you had asked me what I would be doing, I would never have thought of insurance or human resources...

A year ago, I was afraid of the silence that I heard from God. And yet He has carried me through an entire year, teaching me to trust His plan, wait for His timing, seek His heart, and hope for the good things He promised.

So looking back, God is good. Looking at what is here and now, God is good. And looking forward, God is good!

Friday, October 9, 2009

I'm a CLCS...What?!?

Sales School is officially over! I survived the 3 weeks and now know more about commercial insurance than I ever thought I would :) As interesting as my classmates were, and as much as I am not a fan of sales, I am grateful for the training opportunities that my company has given me.

Not only did I walk away with a plethora of insurance knowledge, I also walked away with the first set of professional letters to go after my name. I am officially a CLCS: a Commercial Lines Coverage Specialist. Isn't that exciting? They even gave me this spiffy certificate!

And yes, I will probably hang this somewhere in my office- haha. But for now, I plan to finish up some work and then try to get some sleep this weekend before the craziness of getting back to the office next week.