Sunday, November 8, 2015

When the Tears Come

It could be in the check out line at the grocery store.

Or watching a silly TV show.

Or when you open the mailbox and find the baby shower invitation.

Today it was at church. I forgot that they were doing baby dedications, and when I saw the notice in the worship guide, the tears just came. We hadn't even made it to the actual dedication part of the service, and I was already struggling to keep the tears at bay.

It's not always this hard. Most of the time I can take a deep breath and keep my composure. I can focus on the excitement of others or distract myself enough to be ok. But there are other times when I just can't stop the tears. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to close the floodgates. Because in that moment, all of the grief weighs on my heart, and it's so heavy that I can't help but cry.

As I sat and cried silently in my seat, I was reminded that there would be no baby dedication for our little ones. No scripture prayed over them. No parental charge to raise them to know Jesus. No cute photos or precious memories of the day. And my heart ached. 

I hate infertility. I hate death. I hate that we are still waiting. I hate that the tears catch me off guard sometimes.

But I'm thankful for the One who sees my tears {and collects them}. And I look forward to the day when there will be no more tears.

"You keep track of all my sorrows; You have collected all my tears in your bottle." ~ Psalm 56:8

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." ~ Revelation 21:4

Until then, I just have to be ok with the fact that the tears are going to come...

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