As I mentioned yesterday, we lost another of our babies, this time to the thawing process. And I got the phone call this morning confirming that we lost our fourth embryo as well. While these little ones didn't even make it to transfer, we nonetheless are grieving the loss of the lives we won't get to meet here on earth.
I was prepared for the phone call, but it still hit me pretty hard. I think it was the sheer weight of our loss: we have lost 4 tiny ones, and we won't have any genetic siblings for future transfers. Realizing that our {not so} little family of 8 will not ever be is tough. It's hard to process the fact that we pleaded with the Lord for their lives and still lost them. We find comfort in knowing that they are no longer frozen, and are now in the presence of their Creator. We see it as God's grace that they did not have to be refrozen. And we rejoice in the fact that we will one day get to meet these precious ones in eternity.
We wanted each of our tiny ones that we lost to have a name. They were each individual lives, created by God, and loved by both their genetic and adoptive families. Because we believe that life begins at conception, we wanted to grant each one the personhood they deserve.
Our first two were affectionately named Jack and Jill by a beloved friend and mentor. Our other two we named Amy {which means dearly loved} and Noah {which means rest or peace}. Both of these tiny ones were incredibly loved and wanted, along with their siblings. But we are thankful they now find rest with Jesus. They will never know the pains of this world, but instead will only ever know the face of our beautiful Savior.
And so now we wait and continue to pray for the 2 that we were blessed with to transfer. We want very much to meet BOTH of them this side of heaven and hold them in our arms...
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