Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Indescribable Peace and Joy

So I came to the conclusion today, that for the first time in a long time, I am truly at peace and have complete joy. For those of you who know me, and/or have been so kind as to read my random thoughts over this summer, know that this is HUGE. It's not that I usually walk around a depressed person or anything (because I don't, by the way). But so much has gone on in my life in the past years that it has been hard to stop and really recognize the peace and joy that only comes from God. But today I realized it in all of it's entirety.
No crazy event happened. There was no lightning bolt, the clouds did not part. I was just walking on campus and it hit me. I was at peace with my life and where God is taking me (even though I am still not really sure where that is). I was happy for no particular reason. I wasn't stressed (again, if you know me...a stress-free moment is rare). I was wholly content. It was an absolutely amazing feeling. And the fact that it just creeped up out of nowhere...and the fact that I really can't even describe it- that is only possible with God. He has filled my heart and it feels as though it could burst. Again, nothing has happened, no major life events...but it just shows how far God really did bring me this summer.
Now, I know myself. There will be days when I am stressed. There will be days when I don't feel very joyful or peaceful. But again, this comes from somewhere deep inside. Somewhere that can't be altered by changing circumstances. The funny thing's always been there. It's part of the Christian life. It's just all the more exciting for me because I, in my own sin, felt like I had lost it there for a moment. And I can feel it again. It might have something to do with me surrendering to Him this summer.
"But as we do totally surrender, abandoning ourselves to Jesus, the Holy Spirit gives us a taste of His joy."
(Oswald Chambers)
Currently Reading: My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers

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