So I came
to the conclusion today, that for the first time in a long time, I am truly at
peace and have complete joy. For those of you who know me, and/or have been so
kind as to read my random thoughts over this summer, know that this is HUGE.
It's not that I usually walk around a depressed person or anything (because I
don't, by the way). But so much has gone on in my life in the past years that
it has been hard to stop and really recognize the peace and joy that only comes
from God. But today I realized it in all of it's entirety.
No crazy
event happened. There was no lightning bolt, the clouds did not part. I was
just walking on campus and it hit me. I was at peace with my life and where God
is taking me (even though I am still not really sure where that is). I was
happy for no particular reason. I wasn't stressed (again, if you know me...a
stress-free moment is rare).
I was wholly content. It was an absolutely
amazing feeling. And the fact that it just creeped up out of nowhere...and the
fact that I really can't even describe it- that is only possible with God. He
has filled my heart and it feels as though it could burst. Again, nothing has
happened, no major life events...but it just shows how far God really did bring
me this summer.
Now, I
know myself. There will be days when I am stressed. There will be days when I
don't feel very joyful or peaceful. But again, this comes from somewhere deep
inside. Somewhere that can't be altered by changing circumstances. The funny
thing is...it's always been there. It's part of the Christian life. It's just
all the more exciting for me because I, in my own sin, felt like I had lost it
there for a moment. And I can feel it again. It might have something to do with me
surrendering to Him this summer.
"But
as we do totally surrender, abandoning ourselves to Jesus, the Holy Spirit
gives us a taste of His joy."
(Oswald Chambers)
Currently Reading: My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers
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