Thursday, June 11, 2009

Dear Mr. Admirer,

I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for your courage and your effort. I recognize that it takes a certain amount of guts to put yourself out there to a girl you are interested in getting to know a little better. I am flattered by your interest and wish you all the best in your future endeavors with other girls. I would, however, like to offer a few pieces of advice, or rather, requests. Unfortunately, I cannot speak for most of my gender; I tend to have a fairly conservative and traditional view on things. And yes, admittedly, I tend to be a little more particular than a lot of other girls. For that, I cannot apologize any more than to the extent that you have experienced my views on this issue. With that said, please know that I have talked with others who do share some of the same views, so taking a moment to read these requests may serve you better in the future.

Request #1: Please do not ask me out through a friend. While this may have been successful in middle school, it no longer applies to adult dating world. The fact that you are not confident enough to ask me out yourself says a lot about you. If you can't ask me out face to face, how will you be able to carry on a conversation with me on a date? I understand it can be intimidating, and unfortunately, rejection will be a part of it. But you will be ok. I promise.

Request #2: Please do not ask under the "friend" guise. Ok. I realize I might be the only one who has this pet peeve. I do have to clarify. I am not talking about hanging out as friends to get to know someone in general before you know if you want to ask them out. That's ok. Try to do that in a group setting. It's less intimidating, and it takes the pressure off. What I am referring to is when you ask me out and throw in the term "friend" because you think you might have a better shot of me saying yes. First of all, I am not that stupid. Second, really??? Why would you do that? That's attempted trickery. And just not ok with me.

Request #3: Please do not ask me out at the last minute. I cannot tell you how frustrating this is. If you call to ask me out 2 hours before the event, chances are I am going to say no. It's hard to just drop everything and go. I hardly ever do that with my best friends. As a rule of thumb, same day ask is never a good thing. Show some forethought and make a plan, man!

Request #4: Please, please, PLEASE, do not EVER ask me out on Facebook. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE IS THIS EVER ACCEPTABLE. You want to know how I really feel about this? Haha. But seriously, it's not ok. I know this is the "digital age." Whatever. Facebook is so impersonal and the most un-romantic venue on the planet. Whatever happened to asking a girl out to her face? And if you are reading this, thinking to yourself, "who would do such a thing?" I say to you, it is what sparked this post to begin with. Even if I like you and want to say yes, as a rule of thumb, I will say no if you ask on Facebook. Sorry.

Request #5: When in doubt, apply the "Brad Pitt Rule." Here's how it works. If you ask me out and I make up an excuse for why I can't go, then this is the time to apply the rule. Imagine that instead of you, Brad Pitt had asked me out. More than likely, I would not say that I had to study or that I had other plans. I would probably drop pretty much anything and everything to be able to accept a date with Brad. Now, I know you are not Brad. And I am not that shallow. (And for the record, I don't even like Brad Pitt that much. But go with the illustration...) The point is: If I am interested in you, I will drop my other plans to be available to go out with you. And if I really do have other plans I can't cancel, I will suggest another time. If I make up an excuse and do not suggest an alternative plan, you have been shut out. I am not interested. Please don't ask me out again. Doing so will only result in awkwardness, and I really don't want to be mean.

Again, I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and hope these ideas help.


Requesting a Real Date Invitation

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