{iPhone Rewind} :: October

Love this sweet boy

"Talking" to his giraffe

She is his BIGGEST fan

Going through their closet to change out clothes...a slow task with these "helpers"

After 10 years, we finally had to replace our washer/dryer. It's the official sign of old personhood when you are excited about purchasing appliances :)

The new bank building is coming along!

Containing the crazies while shopping for fall clothes...

Sasha sure is patient :)

This boy loves his play mat!

Baby jail isn't so bad when you have visitors

What? You don't carry your legos down your shirt?

Love these two!

One of my favorite views...

I caught them playing nicely together!

Haha- he is really into wearing our shoes :)

Sweet boy...

Uncle Michael has the 3 kiddo thing figured out!

This sweet boy got his brother and sister's cold...because of his age and symptoms, we had to take him to urgent care, but thankfully he tested negative for all the scary stuff!

She has super sonic hearing for all the airplanes and runs to the windows to look for them...every time :)

Thankful he is feeling better and back to his smiley self :)

3 under 2...whew.

Our own little Picasso :)

Aiden :: 2 Months

Aiden,

Your smile is the absolute best! We just have to look at you, or say your name, and your whole face lights up! You are so much bigger than your brother and sister were at this point! {For reference, the Snowflake Baby onesie that you're wearing is the same one your brother and sister wore when they were 4 months old}. You have outgrown your size small "baby burrito" swaddles, all of your newborn clothes, and your Rock 'N Play. The co-sleeper and swing are not far behind. Many people comment on how you look more like a 3-month old. It's crazy that it has already been 2 months, and we know that you'll be running around with your brother and sister soon enough. We sure have had a crazy month, haven't we, baby boy! But through it all, I am so thankful that you have just rolled with the punches. I have struggled with many things and feel like a first time mama all over again...having 1 baby is just so different from having 2 at a time! Your Daddy has taken such good care of you while I have been sick, and I am so thankful that you have a sweet bond with him. There is no one else in the world who can calm you like your Daddy can. This hard season will pass, and I am working hard to feel better so we can figure out our new routine with 3 little ones. I want you to know that I love you so very much. 

Love, 

Mama

AIDEN MICHAEL

Stats :: 14 pounds, 23.75 inches tall

Clothing/Diaper Size :: you are wearing 3 month clothing, but you are still wearing size 1 diapers 

Loves :: being held, watching your brother and sister run around, bath time

Dislikes :: still dislike that gas {but who can blame you?}, falling asleep

Eat :: this was a challenge for us this month. we struggled through countless plugged ducts and a round of mastitis. for this and other reasons, mama had to make the decision to stop breastfeeding, which was incredibly difficult. I'm so sorry, sweet boy. But I am so thankful that you were able to get breastmilk for 7 weeks, and that you transitioned to formula really well. we had a few rough days as you knew something was clearly different, but once again, you rolled with the punches. you do tend to be a snacker, and we're still figuring out your eating patterns, as you tend to be all over the place. 

Sleep :: you don't sleep much :)  you never really have, and we're not sure if this is a temporary thing, or if it's just your personality. granted, there is A LOT going on in the house, so it's probably difficult for you to sleep. you also fight sleep like it's your job. you will yawn and nod off, clearly tired and ready to sleep...but will jolt yourself awake every time. or if we finally rock you to sleep, you are instantly awake when we put you down. but you don't seem too upset about the amount of sleep. you wake up happy and ready to observe the world around you. we're still trying to identify your sleeping patterns, as you tend to like short naps {30 minutes}. there were many days that you slept a grand total of 3-4 hours the whole day. but you have started giving us one 5 hour stretch at night, which is awesome! so we will just have to continue learning your sleep patterns and preferences. 

Play/Development :: your neck muscles are getting stronger and stronger. we spent some time at the chiropractor to work on your torticollis {just like your brother!}, but we had to take a break. we hope to go back soon so we can continue warding off that flat head. you aren't overly excited about tummy time, so we will have to keep working on that. you find a way to inch forward every time, because your legs are so strong! you track toys and people really well, and you have started batting at toys. we gave you a pacifier this month, because we learned that you love to comfort suck. you have also started "talking" and I enjoy our sweet little "conversations"  :)

Unique to You :: you are still our happy baby boy! you really don't fuss too much, and when you do, it's because you have gas, are hungry, or don't want to fall asleep. you just really like to be held and/or part of the action. but even though it can be frustrating in the middle of the night when you are up for long periods of time, and we are rocking you to sleep for 30-45+ minutes at a time, there is nothing like looking down at your sweet face and seeing you smile. how can we be frustrated with that sweet smile? and I do have to say that your giggles while you sleep are the absolute cutest thing ever :)

Our Angel Babies

For the past couple of years, I have taken some time on this day to remember our babies in heaven. It is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, so it's fitting to pause and remember the sweet ones we lost too soon. These sweet babies, lost during pregnancy or soon after birth, are affectionately called "Angel Babies."

A few months ago, I was having a conversation with a couple of women, and the subject of miscarriage came up, as one of the women had recently had one. We talked about how it is more common than most people think, realizing that each of us had experienced this loss. One of the women, knowing our story, turned to me and asked, "you have lost, what? Six?" And I quietly corrected her and said "seven." 

Seven.

We have lost seven babies. I knew how many we had lost, but for some reason, it really hit me in that moment. Actually saying it out loud in conversation just seemed to register an extra twinge of grief in my heart. That was seven babies we had hoped and prayed for and wanted, but never got to meet. Seven little lives that we loved and wanted to parent, but for some reason that only Jesus knows, we had to say goodbye before we even really got to say hello.

Now I understand that many of our losses were very early, and would probably not even be considered actual miscarriages by most people. We lost some of our embryos to the thawing process and some just did not implant {so therefore we didn't actually get pregnant, at least not long enough to register on a beta test}. But since we believe that life begins at conception, we believe each tiny embryo was a unique life. So the loss was just the same for us.

It was comforting for me to name each of the embryos that we lost. We did not have our embryos tested for gender, so the names were chosen for their meaning or significance to us. I think about these little ones often, wondering who they would have been. And I find comfort in knowing that Jesus now holds them in His arms. 

So if you would allow me the space to name each of our sweet angel babies here, I would appreciate it...

Jack. This little one was affectionately named {along with Jill} by one of Mike's mentors who had been relentlessly petitioning the Lord on our behalf. Since we transferred 2 embryos, he had been lovingly referring to the 2 tiny embryos as Jack and Jill. Jack was frozen for 8 years before transfer date, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. We did not get the joy of a positive pregnancy test. 

Jill. This little one was affectionately named {along with Jack} by one of Mike's mentors who had been relentlessly petitioning the Lord on our behalf. Since we transferred 2 embryos, he had been lovingly referring to the 2 tiny embryos as Jack and Jill. Jill was frozen for 8 years before transfer date, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. We did not get the joy of a positive pregnancy test. 

Amy. Means "dearly loved." Amy was frozen for 8 years, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. Unfortunately this tiny one did not survive the thawing process, and therefore did not make it to transfer day.

Noah. Means "rest or peace." Noah was frozen for 8 years, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. This tiny one held on for an extra day after thawing, but did not quite make it to transfer day.

Annie. Means "blessed with grace." We were indeed blessed with grace of this tiny life, even if it was for a short time. This name is our reminder that we are showered with grace from the Lord, and we will still bless his name, even if there is pain in our offering. Annie was frozen for 8.5 years before transfer date, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. This tiny one snuggled in tight to confirm a pregnancy test, but unfortunately I miscarried a short time later.

Hope. Named because of the hope and joy we felt when we found out we were pregnant. This name is our reminder that our felt hope and joy may have been taken in the moment, in the specific circumstance, but that our ultimate hope and joy in Jesus can never be taken. Hope was frozen for 8.5 years before transfer date, and was part of the first genetic family who donated their embryos to us. This tiny one snuggled in tight to confirm a pregnancy test, but unfortunately I miscarried a short time later.

Connor. Means "much wanted." This little one WAS much wanted, and would have been a full genetic sibling to Eli, Maddie, and Aiden {part of the second genetic family who donated their embryos to us}. Connor was frozen for 8.5 years before transfer date; unfortunately, we did not get the joy of a positive pregnancy test. 

-------

"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

~ Psalm 139:16

Fall Bucket List :: Paint Pumpkins

So I had originally planned to paint actual pumpkins, but we haven't been to a pumpkin patch yet, and I don't know if I'll be brave enough to try painting with 2 {not yet} two year olds again haha. But since Grandma was here to help, and we really needed a distraction on a rough day, we decided to go for it on painting pumpkin pictures.

Of course, it took longer to set up and clean up than it did to actually paint, but...you know. I guess that's just how it goes :)

I printed out a pumpkin for each kiddo, then gave them a Mega Blok to paint with...they love playing with them, and I figured they would do better with those than with paint brushes. And I was right! 

Maddie was a little hesitant at first {which is the exact opposite of her first "painting" experience}, but soon got into dabbing the paint and "painting" her picture. Eli jumped right in from the beginning! It was a good thing I bought washable paint...because it was ALL over the place haha. They got more on the paper than I expected, and they didn't eat it, so I count that as a win!

I need to find some paint smocks for them for future art/craft projects, but I am glad that we did this little craft, even if it was a mess :)

Neighborhood "Nature" Walk

I have had to seriously modify some of the items on our Fall Bucket List...even more than I had originally thought. Which isn't the end of the world, but still makes me a little sad. BUT I am glad that we are at least getting some items checked off...even if they're modified :)

So our "nature" walk basically consisted of walking around our neighborhood and observing nature things. That counts, right?? Haha. Good thing my kids don't know the difference yet. But it was good to get out of the house and take a little extra time to "stop and smell the flowers," if you will. 

I found this cute sheet to fill out, which made it simple for my little ones. I look forward to doing more "nature" walks, hopefully prompting them to look for more specific things. There are a lot of fun checklists on Pinterest!

It's pretty fun to see things through the eyes of little ones...they are "seeing" and "hearing" things for the first time and are just so amazed by everything. 

Aiden was on the walk too!

Not exactly nature, but exciting nonetheless :)

We are so thankful that Grandma was here to help us explore the "natural" wonders of our neighborhood :)