Celebrating 4 Years

Four years ago, I married my love. I had no idea what the next 4 years would hold, but I knew I was excited to start life with the cute guy who had stolen my heart. And now looking back, I can't imagine my life without my best friend.

We had a low-key celebration at home this year. When we were dating, I made Mike enchiladas from scratch and haven't done so since :) Every now and then, he will ask me for them, so I decided that our anniversary was the perfect time to give it a go. 

Being all domestic ;)

I roasted the chicken myself in the crock pot. Be impressed.

This recipe makes enough for 2 full pans of enchiladas. Lots of leftovers!

We enjoyed a quiet, candle-lit dinner at home, and then we snuggled up to watch the new Dirk Nowitzki movie- Nowitzki: The Perfect Shot. Mike is a Mavericks fan {no one is perfect}, so I knew he would enjoy the documentary. It was actually pretty good. I have a lot of respect for Dirk Nowitzki, and it was interesting to learn more about his story.

I am so thankful for this guy. He makes life fun, and he keeps me sane. It's hard to believe we have been married for 4 years, and we are ready for the next 40 :)

Though You Slay Me

I feel like all I do these days is come before the Lord broken and weary. I beg and plead with Him to answer this prayer or that, and I feel too often like my faith is running on empty.

We all know that this life just doesn't always work out the way we want it to. And when you walk through a season that seems to turn into a constant beating, it's enough to make even the strongest and most faithful question God's goodness. I feel like I have been in that season for a really long time. I post on my blog about the good things because they do happen, but I am also desperately trying to see the light for the darkness. 

If you have followed my blog for any number of time, you know that the Lord uses music to encourage my heart and/or get my attention sometimes. I came across this song from Shane & Shane, and I couldn't make it through the first verse without becoming a blubbering mess. These words are so hard for me to sing right now, but that doesn't make them any less true. And I desperately want to believe them with all of my being. The beauty and grace comes from knowing that despite my lack of faith, my God is still working, still comforting, still pursuing. I may not be able to see it, but He is still good.

Whether or not I believe it right now, He is all that I need. He is enough for me. Father, forgive me for believing otherwise.

I come, God, I come

Return to the Lord

The one who's broken

The one who's torn me apart

You strike down to bind me up

You say You do it all in love

That I might know You in Your suffering

Though You slay me

Yet I will praise You

Though You take from me

I will bless Your name

Though you ruin me

Still I will worship

Sing a song to the One who's all I need

My heart and flesh may fail

The earth below give way

But with my eyes, with my eyes I'll see the Lord

Lifted high on that day

Behold, the Lamb that was slain

And I'll know every tear was worth it all

Though you slay me

Yet I will praise You

Though You take from me

I will bless Your name

Though you ruin me

Still I will worship

Sing a song to the One who's all I need

Though tonight I'm crying out

Let this cup pass from me now

You're still more than I need

You're enough for me

You're enough for me

Though You slay me

Yet I will praise You

Though You take from me

I will bless your name

Though you ruin me

Still I will worship

Sing a song to the One who's all I need

Sing a song to the One who's all I need

Embryo Adoption :: Transfer Day

Our babies are on board! :)

Today we had our Frozen Embryo Transfer {FET}. We transferred two day-5 blastocysts, so yes- we are praying for twins! Just like with the mock embryo transfer, the worst part of the procedure was having to go in with a full bladder. But unlike the mock transfer, Mike was with me and we got to see our tiny ones transferred together.

For all the things that infertility stole from us, one of the cool things about our story is that we got to choose the day and actually know the exact time that our embryos entered my uterus. We got to watch it happen together on the ultrasound screen. How cool is that?

I LOVE the fact that my gown had snowflakes on it :)

Today was supposed to be a day of excitement and joy, but we left the clinic with mixed emotions. Before the transfer, we had a difficult conversation with the embryologist. Because our embryos were frozen using an older, slower freezing method, they did not do so well in the thawing process. If you know anything about what 5-day blastocysts are supposed to look like, you can see from our photo that our babies lost a lot of critical cells in the thawing process. We knew this was a risk, but it was still a heartbreaking conversation. 

Despite the low chances we were given, we still did the transfer to give our embryos the best possible chance at life. We couldn't just leave them in the lab. We left the clinic with heavy hearts, but we are trusting the Lord with the outcome. We are pleading with Him to take care of and grow our little embryos, but ultimately, we know they are in His loving hands.

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Age of Embryos? They were created in May 2007, so they have been frozen for 8 years

Size of Embryos? About 0.1 to 0.2 mm

Development: 5-day blastocysts; the entire genetic blueprint for life {chromosomes/DNA} are present

Meds: Cabergoline 2x/week, day 21 of Estrace, day 7 of progesterone in oil

Sleep: Despite my excitement and anxiety, I slept fairly well...nice and rested up for the transfer

Best moment of the week: Actually making it to transfer day and knowing that we are giving our babies their best chance at life

Miss anything? My butt not being a pin cushion...but it's SO worth it for our babies

Cravings: Oreos- but mostly because I am sad today and needed some comfort food

Symptoms: Tired from the progesterone

Looking forward to: Our pregnancy test in 10 days, and finding out if our babies implanted, despite the low chances they were given

**This post was written on our transfer day, but was not published until after we made our official announcement. I back-dated to the actual day so we could have all of this for our own records and memories.**

Goodbye IB

When Mike started his new job, we made the decision for me to step away from working full time. I needed to step away for awhile, so that I could focus on my health. There's a part of me that is frustrated that I even have to make such a decision {because my body just can't do what it used to do}, but I am so very thankful that I have the opportunity to make it. My sweet husband has always been super supportive of my career, and he has always taken good care of me. I am thankful for the time I will have to take a break and make sure I am as healthy as I can be.

So today I said goodbye to the IB family. It was definitely a bittersweet departure. Aside from event planning, I don't think I have ever loved a job more. I loved everything about being an executive assistant, and I could not have asked for a better group of people to work alongside.

The last 3 years have been an absolute blessing. From the incredible way the Lord provided this job, to the sweet relationships I have built, I just cannot say enough how much I enjoyed this job. I was able to see the excitement of preparing for and completing an IPO, and I have been a part of a lot of growth and change. I have worked alongside some of the greatest business leaders in the city, and it has been such a joy and privilege to serve them.

I am definitely sad to leave this IB family behind. It's a little strange to be closing {for now} the chapter of my working-outside-the-home life. I am, however, excited for what the Lord might have for me next!

Embryo Adoption :: Lining Check

I have been taking Estrace in increasing amounts for 2 weeks now. Today we went in for a lining check. Basically, we had to determine if the medication was working to prepare my body for a transfer. Today would determine whether we move on to the next step of our journey.

My doctor said my lining was 7.5mm triple stripe - perfect and ready for a transfer! So on July 10 {8 days from now}, we will transfer our first 2 little ones! :)

My doctor said that my endometriosis was already coming back; she seemed frustrated by this, especially since I had the surgery to remove it back in January, and just a few weeks ago my repeat hysteroscopy seemed clear. She said it seemed like I have an aggressive form of endometriosis {of course I do!}. Good news is that it won't affect a transfer. Bad news is that I will have to have another surgery in the future. Blast.

Today we also received training for the dreaded PIO {Progesterone in Oil} shots. I will take these intramuscular shots every day until our pregnancy test, and if we get a positive, then every day for 10-12 weeks of the pregnancy. My rear will become a pin cushion, and it won't feel awesome, but you can bet I will do whatever I need to do in order to keep our little ones safe and growing!