Thursday, August 9, 2012

On My Heart

Church planting has been on my heart a lot lately. It's not like it hasn't been on my heart before. It is obviously a big part of our lives, the very reason we're in McKinney. But Mike and I had made a commitment to wait a year before diving into starting a church. And with settling into married life and life in McKinney, it was almost as if it had been placed on a shelf in the corner of my heart. Still there, able to remind me of our purpose here, but also still a thought for something in the future.

Now a year has past and we see the seeds of God's work. My husband is itching to get started, and even the last few weeks have been filled with assessments and interviews, making the possibility of formal relationships and actually starting very real. As soon as we have more details, I will be sure to share. But we also would appreciate your prayers, as we want very much to walk in God's will, whatever that looks like.

So knowing that it might actually be time, church planting has {obviously} been on my heart. When people ask how I am feeling about the whole process, my answer is: both excited and terrified. And to be honest, it depends on the day. As a planner, my brain is constantly filled with questions: What is it going to look like? What are our first steps? Who is going to walk with us through this? How are we going to make a difference? People say you get lonely are we talking? How are we going to pay for everything? Will people actually listen and respond? How does a family fit into all of this? Why would Jesus use me; what do I have to offer? How hard is this really going to be? What is my role in all of this?

When I allow the questions to stack up, I start to get scared. I start to let the details overwhelm me, and it all seems to be too much. Since we are still at the outset of this process, I don't have the feeling of wanting to run {yet- jk}, but it does scare me for when we're in the thick of things and when things get hard. Because we keep hearing over and over about how hard church planting is. I have to literally pray that Jesus shuts off the questions. I have to just sit at His feet and wait. And pray. And trust. And hope. And then pray some more.

But it's not all scary. Because when I think about how the Lord has been so good to us this past year, essentially confirming our calling to be in McKinney and setting us up for ministry, my heart is filled with thankfulness and joy. And it humbles me to think that He would choose us to be a part of what He is doing here. When I hear my husband teach, my heart is filled with pride (the good kind) at watching him operate within his God-given gifts. And it makes me want to do everything in my power to support and encourage him. When I see the fruits of our little Bible studies and the relationships we have built with people in just this short year, my heart is filled with excitement and purpose. And it gives me courage and hope to face this calling.


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