Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Weight of Disappointment

Yesterday I received some really disappointing news. I was going about my day, when I received a phone call that just turned my day upside down. For varying reasons, I can't share right now what that news was, but hopefully I can share that in the near future. (I know that is vague, and I apologize). My heart just sank. I was looking forward to something and that one phone call brought my excitement and anticipation crumbling down. I am glad I was by myself because I couldn't stop the tears. I can be such a girl sometime.

I think this hit me hard because of how circumstances seemed to be falling into place around it. I felt at peace and I felt confident...I was expectant that God was going to answer. I wasn't fully prepared for this answer. The old feelings of inadequacy and the hurt of repeated rejection were creeping back. Again, God? Is this really happening again? Am I ever going to catch a break?

I had to remind myself that God is bigger than my disappointment. I had to remind myself that God is still God and He is still working behind the scenes. I was reminded of a devotion my mom sent me:
"God is more interested in our character than our comfort. He desires that we produce more spiritual fruit. Therefore, He’s always at work pruning the areas of our lives that don’t match His plans. So, when God allows our world to be turned upside down, we are not experiencing a “setback” but rather a “cutback.” In God’s economy, a cutback can be a good thing because it makes room for more good stuff to come."
His pruning may seem like it's going to kill me sometimes. Haha. But He's not trying to kill me. He cuts us back in order to produce more...more Christ-like fruit. My dad gave me some good advice:
"Be sure to express your disappointment to God. He wants us to bring that stuff to Him. But then it is so important that you muster up as much as you possibly can the strength to tell Him that you are still going to trust Him, despite the disappointment. Express the fact that you are still going to trust that He has a plan, it is good, and He is going to take care of you."
His pruning may be painful, but I am going to trust Him. This is not a setback; it's a cutback that can help me grow in Him. I am disappointed. But I am going to trust Him anyway. I know He has a plan...a good plan. And He is going to take care of me.
“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” 
- John 15:2 (NIV)

No comments:

Post a Comment