{iPhone Rewind} :: May

Our church did a walk/run race to raise money for our local pregnancy center. We were still hanging out with our friends from Texas so we didn't get to participate, but we popped over to say hello and cheer on the racers!

Maddie reading to her brothers :)

We made cookies with letter cookie cutters

Dressing Mr. Potato Head with Grandma

National Apple Pie Day!

Playing Candyland with Daddy...Eli and Maddie are getting the hang of it :)

It was Maddie's turn to visit the pediatric ophthalmologist. She struggled with the dilation drops, but otherwise did great at her appointment!

We have our first peppers! The Anaheim pepper plant has finally sprouted a couple of peppers.

A fox mama and her kits...good thing there was no traffic, because they were in no hurry to get out of the road :)

Aiden is halfway to 1000 Books read before Kindergarten!

Snuggle Buddy

Daddy's perspective when the kids ask him to blow a gum bubble haha!

Telling me all the things...playing with my earrings :)

Granny & Grumpz sent some stickers in the mail, and {despite Aiden's face}, the kiddos had a blast!

National Paper Airplane Day :)

It's just so nice when they can actually work together...

We finally have flowers! The plant itself is super tall now, making our window sill look like a jungle.

THIS is our Maddie girl. Two colors of leopard print with pink socks. Crazy hair. Her stubbornness showing with her glasses upside down. Love her.

High Five for Friday!

We haven't had a whole lot to report in the past few weeks...just moving along in Toddler School, trying to spend as much time outside as we can {at least when it's not raining!}. But I had a few recent updates I thought I'd mention in a High Five for Friday! post :)

{one} This morning we headed over to Bull Run Regional Park for the Jurassic Encounter! We had bought the tickets a month ago, not quite sure how it would be received by the kiddos. It was either going to be really cool...or completely terrifying haha. We bought tickets hoping for the best, and the kids loved it! I didn't get a single photo, because we were too busy managing the audio tour, but that's ok. The kids enjoyed their snack as we watched the dinosaurs go by :)  We got an adventure pack with the tour, so they enjoyed the fun dinosaur-themed goodies, one of which was a dig-for-your-own-dinosaur. It was a lot more work than I anticipated, but the kids loved it!

{two} Maddie is back in glasses! She had her eye surgery last year {1 year ago yesterday!}, but recently I have noticed a slight crossing with here eyes again. Not as bad as it was before, but enough to have it checked out. So we're hoping that the new prescription {along with continued patching}, will be just the thing to strengthen here eyes. I'm just glad that this cutie girl is excited to wear her new pink glasses!

{three} I had an appointment with my GI last week, and since I am still having symptoms so frequently, he had me do some follow-up bloodwork and another stool test. The good news is that we are moving in the right direction! My inflammation numbers are still high, above the normal range. But they have come WAY down from what they were back in December. That's really good news! Just need to continue tweaking my treatment to get those numbers back within normal range.

I also scheduled another colonoscopy, as he needs to be able to see what's still causing inflammation and symptoms. I would have to have another one soon anyway, so we both agreed to move ahead with it now. That will be able to tell us if I need any additional treatment {on top of Entyvio and Lialda}, or if it's time to switch to another medication altogether. 

{four} For weeks, we have been preparing for THE INVASION. We are in an area where the Brood X cicadas are scheduled to make their appearance after 17 years of being underground. Thankfully, we are in a neighborhood that isn't old enough, so they're not invading our personal yard {small graces from Jesus}. But there are plenty of other places that we have seen them. When we went on a hike at Frying Pan Farm Park, we saw a whole brood of them. The shells litter the parking lot of the Labcorp where I had my tests done {think, having to carefully step so you don't crunch them underfoot}. And when we go up to the church playground, you can hear them all along the perimeter of the church property. Supposedly we are still waiting for the mating to begin, which is when things get REALLY loud. Blah.

{five} The women's Bible study at church is taking a break over the summer from formal study, and they are going to do a summer book club! We received a list of 8 books from which to choose, and we will meet each month to discuss our reading. I'm hoping to read all of them, but I chose these 3 for discussion. I had already bought Ten Words to Live By for my summer reading, I had never heard of the author for Control Girl so I chose it to try something new, and I will be leading the discussion on Gentle and Lowly. Here's to a summer of good reading!

World IBD Day :: Break the Silence

Today is World IBD Day. It's a worldwide event to unite people in their fight against Crohn's Disease and Ulcerative Colitis, known as inflammatory bowel diseases {IBD}.

It is often marked by a purple ribbon to help bring awareness and support to these diseases. There are certainly physical aspects of IBD to discuss, but I think the psychological impact that an incurable, chronic, autoimmune disease has on an individual is often overlooked. This year's World IBD Day focus is centering its discussions on this psychological impact, in an effort to #breakthesilence.

When I was first diagnosed back in 2012, I had to immediately come to terms with the fact that I would be dealing with this disease for the rest of my life. There is no cure, and the disease can manifest itself in a number of ways over a lifetime. I had to figure out how to get healthy {at least as healthy as I could now be}, and how to live with this disease on a daily basis. It was certainly overwhelming, but I was incredibly blessed to achieve remission on the first medication I was prescribed. I was able to find a "new normal," and I had 7 years of remission {minimal to no symptoms}. I was always aware of my disease, as certain rhythms in my life had to change {diet, exercise, rest, stress, medication, doctor visits, etc}. But it easily slipped into the near background.

I feel like this most recent round of active disease has taken more of emotional and psychological toll. Being back in this place of being sick, back in the place of not knowing if/when I will achieve remission again has been really hard. Finding out that my disease had spread to other parts of my intestines, experiencing new additional symptoms that I didn't have the last time around. Knowing that my body has developed antibodies to one of very few medications for my disease. It just becomes exhausting and discouraging.

There are several contributing factors as well: being a mama to 3 little ones and walking through a global pandemic. So it definitely feels heavier than perhaps it would be otherwise. With Crohn's Disease {especially active disease}, my body needs A LOT of rest. I could easily sleep 10 hours at night, plus take a nap {or two} during the day. Sleep is healing, for sure, but when your body is constantly fighting the disease, it becomes vital for survival. But that's not exactly conducive to having 3 little ones haha. They run me ragged on my best days, so it's difficult to get the rest my body needs, and it's also really difficult to be "on" as the best mama that they need every day. So there's a lot of guilt in these days of intense motherhood and active disease.

I don't even know where to begin in unpacking what the psychological toll of managing my disease during a global pandemic has been. I know it has been difficult for a lot of people; we have all had to make tough decisions, and we are all suffering from decision fatigue. And there are certainly hard decisions from which I have been spared, so I don't want to presume I have somehow had it worse than anyone else. But there are unique things I have had to navigate during COVID, and it has often felt incredibly isolating. 

In this pandemic, I am automatically considered high risk. Specifically because my disease is active {so my body is actively fighting inflammation}, and because of the immunosuppressive medication I take.  Thankfully, the medication is more targeted, so it doesn't suppress my entire immune system. But it still impairs my body's ability to fight off infection. I will get whatever cold or stomach bug {or COVID virus} my kids bring home, and I will suffer more intense symptoms for a longer period of time. It just takes my body longer to fight simple things and recover.

I am so incredibly thankful for vaccines. I was able to get mine, and that has offered a huge amount of relief in a year of unknowns. But there is a likelihood that I won't experience the same level of efficacy as the rest of the population. So while my vaccinated friends get to enjoy a new level of freedom, I'm still stuck being that much more cautious and waiting for more information to come from the studies that are being done on people with IBD and the effectiveness of the COVID vaccine for those who take biologics. We're just not out of the woods yet, and those who suffer with IBD are still stuck having to make hard {often lonely} decisions on masking, social distancing, etc. 

People understand to a certain extent. I have the built-in "excuse" of citing my health for our decisions to socially distance and only interact closely with vaccinated people. But now that the pandemic has drug on, and I am still not in remission, I feel the pressure to make the same decisions that healthy people can make. And I just can't do that quite yet. I can't {and don't} trust my immune system. It's hard enough to be sick on a daily basis with Crohn's symptoms; I just can't take another illness to fight right now. And it feels so overwhelming and defeating when people don't understand that. I know I have to let it go and trust the Lord's timing and guidance in all of it. But it's hard to disappoint people. It's hard to be written off or feel misunderstood.

I certainly struggle with the timing of all of this. It's hard to understand why the Lord has not brought remission after 18 months. It's hard to understand why He would allow this set of circumstances when we're trying to build new relationships and community in Virginia. But I trust Him, and I know that He isn't wasting any of this time. I know He is using it for His glory and my growth. I have been blown away by the grace and understanding of the CBC family, as we all seek to love and serve each other. People have been more than willing to meet outdoors, socially distance, wear masks when necessary, just so I feel comfortable. That's no small thing. I am thankful for technology that has allowed me to meet women in the church, dive into the Word together, and build community. It hasn't been easy, but I am so grateful that our church has made such an effort to make things safe and accessible for everyone.

I am ready to feel better. I'm ready to go back to "normal," both from a Crohn's standpoint, and a pandemic standpoint. I'm ready to not have every conversation and prayer request revolve around my health. I'm ready for Crohn's to go back into the background of my life. That's not guaranteed, but it's something for which I am hoping and praying. Until then, I will rest in His unchanging grace, rejoice on the good days, and look forward to glory when I get a new {restored and unbroken} body :)

Texas Friends!

Laura came to visit! :)

We were so excited to have our first non-family visitors to Virginia. It was such a fun, sweet weekend, and we are so thankful for the time we got with our dear friends.

{We are so thankful for the COVID vaccines and for friends who patiently and graciously accommodate my health needs. It's not a small thing, and we are grateful}.

The kids had a blast! We spent as much time together as we could, but would take a break in the afternoons for everyone to rest/nap. As soon as Cooper would leave, everyone was asking when he was coming back. And there were constant questions of "will Cooper and baby Miles be there??" There were definitely emotion-filled toddler/preschool moments, but overall, it was so fun to see them all play together. And Aiden was just as much in the mix, excited to play with the big kids :)

We got to enjoy the beautiful weather and take our friends to explore a little of our area. We took them to Frying Pan Park to see the animals and have a picnic. It was a little windy and cool, but the little ones didn't seem to mind. They were just glad to be out in the sunshine, running and playing and climbing!

Checking out some chickens and bunnies

On a little nature walk

Climbing rocks

Cuties

Laura and I got the chance to take a drive out in the country to talk and get ice cream {while the hubbies manned nap time}. Of course, like always, I forgot to get a photo, but I actually remembered to snag a snapshot on Laura's last day here...because we needed proof she was here with me! :)

I am so thankful for this sweet friend, and I am so glad our families got to enjoy such good time together. I can't tell you how much it meant that she came all the way to Virginia to see me, and how much this time with her filled my cup. We miss our friends already, and can't wait until we get to see them again!

1000 Hours Outside :: April

We hit our first 100 hours! It took us long enough haha :)

Spring is in full swing, and we are LOVING all the beautiful weather. We had a lot of rain in April {April showers, right?}, but we tried to get outside on as many of the dry, sunny days as possible!

We were able to explore Meadowlark Botanical Gardens, but otherwise, we spent a lot of time just playing outside in our backyard and on our deck. We also made several trips to the church for bike rides and playground time. And of course, there is always the fun walks exploring our neighborhood :)

We also got an outdoor table, so we took advantage of the beautiful weather by eating a lot of our meals outside. We also got an umbrella, so hopefully we will be able to enjoy outdoor meals well through the summer too. I think this might be one of my most favorite things!

We are learning our catechisms!

Have I mentioned how beautiful it is here? :)  Everything bloomed for a couple of weeks, and there were so many different types of flowers. And then it "snowed" everywhere as the trees shed the flowers, and now it's just all green. So. Much. GREEN.