Our Brave Girl

Last week, our Maddie girl had surgery on her eyes to correct the strabismus {cross eye}. We had been talking about it, trying to prepare her, but there were so many big things she had to face that day, and even before! The Friday before her surgery, she had to get a COVID test. I'll be honest...I should have known she would need this before the surgery, but no one had mentioned it until they called to schedule the test. And I just lost it when I got off the phone. It seemed like too much for her to have to endure, and I was ready to cancel the whole thing. Sigh. But I pulled it together, realizing that putting it off another 6 months to a year probably wouldn't change a thing anyway. 

The COVID test was hard and uncomfortable. But the nurses were great, and it was done and over with in a flash. They came to the car, so it helped that she was buckled into her car seat. I got to sit next to her and hold her hands. And Maddie immediately asked for her promised M&M's and moved on way faster than Mama did.

With all she had to endure for this surgery, I was so proud of my brave girl. She wasn't able to eat or drink anything after midnight, so I tried to keep her occupied with getting ready while her brothers ate breakfast. She picked her outfit for the day, and "pink" seemed to be the favored theme: pink dress, pink shoes, pink glasses, pink blanket, pink pig, and pink teddy.

Her sweet brothers {and Daddy} made a sweet poster for her, reminding her that they were praying for her and were so proud of how brave she was. When Mike texted it to me, I showed it to Maddie, and she said "I love that!"  :)

We had to be at the surgery center at 8:30am for a 9:45am surgery {that actually happened at 10:15am}. So there was a lot of waiting around for my little 3 year old. But she did so well! She didn't want to wear the hospital gown, but the teddy bear that they provided for her helped win her over.

The anesthesiologist came to talk with us for a few minutes, and showed Maddie the mask she would get to wear and breathe into. Maddie got to play with it for a bit, and she really wanted to put the pieces together herself.

For some reason, I thought I would be able to be with her for the sleepy gas part, where she would get sleepy, and then they would take her to the OR to administer the IV. It was either wishful thinking on my part, or they don't give parents the full details beforehand, because it was really hard to let her go while she was still awake. Because she definitely didn't want to go. They took her away crying and screaming for me, and it BROKE. MY. HEART. But in that moment, I had to put on my brave face and let her know she was going to be ok, because she couldn't see the panic and heartbreak that I was feeling in that moment. People talk about parenthood basically being a time where your heart walks around outside of your chest {as your kids}, and I have never felt it more deeply than in that moment. I knew she would be ok. I knew that this surgery is what was best for her. But it still was not easy to watch my baby girl be taken away to go under the knife.

The procedure took about 45 minutes, and they came and got me as soon as she started showing signs of waking up. As I was walking back to the recovery room, I heard her calling for me, but as soon as I rounded the corner to her bed, she was asleep again. The nurses helped me get into bed with her so I could be snuggling with her when she woke up, which I think make all the difference for her. She came in and out a few times, but when she finally woke up, she was so glad to see me! She cried a little bit, but not all that much. I was prepared to face an angry {hangry} Maddie, but she really did pretty good with me not letting her rub her eyes or pull out her IV.

In her anesthesia-induced haze, she was very concerned about how her eyes "were not waking up." She kept asking, "why are my eyes not waking up, Mommy?" Which, when your child has eye surgery and says something like that, you immediately panic and think she's blind. She was not, in fact, blind, but just had some ointment in her eyes that was causing her vision to be blurry. And plus, I'm sure her eyes felt funny after surgery. I had to reassure her over and over that her eyes would wake up very soon. She was immediately hungry, so she got to eat a purple popsicle and some animal crackers. Thankfully, she didn't have any nausea and had no problem eating a normal lunch as soon as we got home.

She didn't have to stay in recovery very long, and she was more than ready to head home! The sweet nurses wrapped up her teddy bear's arm to match hers, and she attempted a smile in the car to let Daddy know that we were finally heading home. We spent the afternoon snuggled on the couch, watching Daniel Tiger. She wasn't overly sleepy, and she was back to her rambunctious self the next day. Her little toddler emotions have been super heightened the last few days, but overall, she has been doing really well.

She had her post-op appointment the next day, and the doctor said her eyes were looking great! So much so, that we could go ahead and remove her glasses. In her heightened emotions, she was pretty inconsolable because all of a sudden, she wanted to keep her glasses haha! She has asked for them a few times, but I think she will forget about them pretty soon. The hardest part of recovery has been the eye drops and ointment she has to have multiple times a day. She has fought those more than any other part of this whole process. So we are counting down the days until we can move past those. Her eyes will be red/bloodshot for another week or so, but then she should be all set. 

Since her post-op appointment was during nap, I decided to make a quick stop for a special treat for our brave girl. Nap was out the window anyway, so why not add a little sugar? A little sweet tea for Mama and a chocolate chunk cookie for my girl were just what we needed to cap off the craziness of surgery and recovery. We sat on the front porch and enjoyed our sweet treats together. A sweet moment with my girl :)

We are SO proud of our brave girl, and we are so thankful for how the Lord provided in every detail of her surgery. I really cannot say enough good things about the doctors, nurses, and staff that took such good care of our girl. We are thankful for all of the sweet family and friends who were praying for her through all of the steps of the process. Praise God for His love and care for us!