I am in a season of motherhood where the days feel really long and are just plain hard. I expected there to be hard days; I wasn't under any illusion that motherhood was easy. What I didn't expect, however, was that there would be so many hard days. All in a row. Without much end in sight. The endless swings of toddler emotions, coupled with the clinginess of an 8 month old who is dealing with separation anxiety can really wear me down.
I find myself constantly exhausted and at a loss of how to best love and manage these tiny people. It feels as though I am doing something wrong, particularly when it has been non-stop screaming, no matter what I seem to do. I want so much to be a good mama to these babies, but I often feel inadequate, frustrated, and just plain clueless. And it's in those end-of-my-rope moments when I remember that I cannot be everything to these babies, and I was never meant to be. It's in those moments when all I can do is drop to my knees and ask Jesus for His strength and guidance.
There are days when I want to quit, when I desperately want a break, or just want peace and quiet for 5 minutes. And then I feel guilty because I prayed for so long for these moments...for the ability to experience motherhood in all its stages, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. But honestly, I often wonder what on earth I got myself into. Because parenting twin toddlers is HARD. Parenting 3 under 3 is hard. I love my babies more than I can ever express, and I know I will wish for more of these days once they have passed. But on those seemingly endless days when we're just trying to hang on until Daddy gets home, it's hard to find the joy in motherhood. But I am so thankful for new mercies every morning, because I am in desperate need of them.
Despite all the crazy, I am thankful for the sweet days and the team of people around me who remind me of truth and cheer me on. For my mom, who is my inspiration and the one who taught me how to love and play and guide and disciple. For my best friend, who lets me vent all the craziness of motherhood, reminds me Who to look to, but doesn't judge me for the insanity that I can't help but display. For my husband, who is my daily cheerleader, who reminds me to lean into Jesus, and then eats chocolate cake with me {because it's a MUST for twin toddlers} :)
I know the next stage will be hard in different ways. It's not like this whole parenting thing is going to all of a sudden "click" and be smooth sailing from here on...but oh how I wish it would be that simple haha. I don't want to forget these days, even the hard ones. Because it's in those days when I lean into my Heavenly Father and am reminded of His patient long-suffering with me. How He too often {lovingly} endures toddler-like behavior from me, yet continues to show His faithfulness and gentle guidance in my life.
I also want to cherish the sweet days, where I am reminded of all the goodness the Lord has provided, all the grace He has poured out. The days I envisioned and longed for when I was praying to be a mother. This Mother's Day was one of those sweet days. It wasn't a perfect day, but it was a good day where the Lord showed His sweet blessings in my life, and I am so thankful to be able to celebrate another Mother's Day, this year with 3 beautiful babies.
Aiden surprised us with his first tooth {finally!}, which I still have yet to actually SEE, because he won't move his tongue out of the way long enough haha. But it's definitely there!
I got sweet hugs and "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MAMA!" from my people, which is just the best right now, because Eli basically yells everything he's excited about haha. Eli and Maddie had sweet colored pages to present to me, which is extra special to me because we often color pages for other people, so it's precious to have some of my own. They chose the color and location of the hearts on their pages :)
Mike picked out the perfect gifts for me: a snowflake necklace with each of my babies' initials, and a beautiful wrap to wear. I absolutely LOVE them, and it was my chosen outfit for the day.
Mike was helping with music at church, so it was a crazy morning of trying to get everyone ready and out the door. But I was able to snap a quick selfie with my babies before we rushed off to church!
They're ALL looking at the camera! WIN!!
We went to church, had lunch at home, and then Mike let me nap the afternoon away...and it was glorious. He and Eli went to pickup dinner, and they came back with a chocolate cake. The perfect end to a sweet Mother's Day :)
Thank you, Jesus for a sweet day with my babies.
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