Thursday, May 17, 2007

Baylor Alumna

Well, I can finally say it. I am an official Baylor alum! All the blood, sweat, tears, and stress finally paid off, and I was able to walk across the stage with a heart full of thanksgiving for my amazingly faithful God! I cannot even express in words His goodness to me in pulling me through this last semester. I never thought graduation day would come; and here now it is already 5 days past. I can't express my relief in being done with school. People keep asking me about grad takes everything in me to be polite and say "not at this time" because inside I am screaming "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeell no!" LOL. It's just not what God has for me. He was faithful to pull me through 4 years of undergrad. And now, He has other plans for me that do not require studying in an academic setting ever again.
And then that brings me to the question I have been dreading for a good 2 years now: "What now?" You know, that's a very good question. The only thing I have to offer at this point is that I have no idea what's next. That's a scary place to be in. I have a feeling this is going to be another long, hard summer. I have come a long way and can say with confidence and peace that God has it all planned and will reveal His perfect plan in His perfect timing. But I have to's still hard. And I am broken, on my knees before His throne, because I have no clue where to go from here. The things I thought would pan out, didn't. I just got some really disappointing news and am having to start all over. Which is hard. I am not falling apart like I normally would be. But I am still struggling with this. With these plans falling through, I am now facing the harsh reality of a summer at home. I love my family and have missed them. But being at home, with no job, and no other prospects at this point...I'm struggling. All I can do is cry out to my Father for peace and comfort, guidance and wisdom. Because right now, I am at a loss again.
I have to ask myself if this is what life is going to be like for me. I tend to be at this place a lot. Like I said before, I have come a long way. I have surrendered SO much to Him, everything to Him at this point. And I stand before His throne waiting...still. I have to cry out to Him wondering how long I have to wait. How long before He hears my cries? How long before He shows me? If you think about it, please pray for me. Because I want so desperately to learn from all of this what He wants me to. I need prayer to guard against disappointment and frustration. I need wisdom, guidance, and patience. I need to be content with where He has me. If you have any encouraging words...I could really use some right now....

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