Sunday, March 25, 2007

Trying Not to Hyperventilate

So basically I am busy from here until May 6th when I take MY LAST FINAL EVER. When I look at all I have to do in the next few weeks, I have to work really hard not to have a panic attack. Generally, that could be viewed as a bad thing. (a panic attack, that is). So I am working on it. I feel so overwhelmed...I really don't know what to do with myself. I feel as though I am drowning, and every time I come up for air, a professor adds another group project and pushes me back under, or my boss asks me to go in to work some extra hours, etc. Once I am done with one thing, I have to make a quick turnaround to finish up the next thing that is due. I have been busy all I am tired from an entire semester's worth of work. But crunch time began last week. I got 3 hours of sleep each night leading up to my BEST exam (which, p.s. was just as hard and just as ridiculous as last semester's test). My mom naively commented that I could breathe after that exam. Poor mom. If she only knew...a quick gasp was more like it and I am now studying for 2 more exams on Tuesday and 1 on Wednesday. And of course, studying is not the only thing on my agenda for the next few days. And on and on it will continue until May 6th. People think I am being overdramatic, that I am exaggerating. To those people, I say, "please leave me alone." You don't know the half of it. To those people, I invite you to take a look at my calendar and then try to tell me what my life is like. Ok. Sorry. I needed to vent that...

I think most of all, I am literally grieving the fact that I have been unable to actually enjoy my senior year. I think that is part of what is bothering me the most. That, coupled with the fact that I have been unable to devote my time and energies to things I wanted to...simply because I have been required to devote my time and energies on what other people have told me I had to. And, since I have been stretched in so many different directions, I have not been able to give 110% in every area like I normally want to. For me, that is discouraging and disappointing.

So please pray for me. Because without God's help...I will drown. I won't make it. The thought of 3-4 hours of sleep every night for the rest of the semester makes me want to cry and hide in a hole. And yet, that is the reality I face, simply because there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything. So please pray for strength. Please pray for endurance. Please pray for patience. Please pray for love toward others who make things more challenging, difficult, and frankly...more miserable. Please pray for focus. Please pray for rest. Please pray for some form of relief. Please pray for the expansion of time. Please pray for joy.

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