So basically I am
busy from here until May 6th when I take MY LAST FINAL EVER. When I look at all
I have to do in the next few weeks, I have to work really hard not to have a
panic attack. Generally, that could be viewed as a bad thing. (a panic attack,
that is). So I am working on it. I feel so overwhelmed...I really don't know
what to do with myself. I feel as though I am drowning, and every time I come
up for air, a professor adds another group project and pushes me back under, or
my boss asks me to go in to work some extra hours, etc. Once I am done with one
thing, I have to make a quick turnaround to finish up the next thing that is
due. I have been busy all semester...so I am tired from an entire semester's
worth of work. But crunch time began last week. I got 3 hours of sleep each
night leading up to my BEST exam (which, p.s. was just as hard and just as
ridiculous as last semester's test). My mom naively commented that I could
breathe after that exam. Poor mom. If she only knew...a quick gasp was more
like it and I am now studying for 2 more exams on Tuesday and 1 on Wednesday.
And of course, studying is not the only thing on my agenda for the next few
days. And on and on it will continue until May 6th. People think I am being
overdramatic, that I am exaggerating. To those people, I say, "please
leave me alone." You don't know the half of it. To those people, I invite
you to take a look at my calendar and then try to tell me what my life is like.
Ok. Sorry. I needed to vent that...
I think most of all,
I am literally grieving the fact that I have been unable to actually enjoy my
senior year. I think that is part of what is bothering me the most. That,
coupled with the fact that I have been unable to devote my time and energies to
things I wanted to...simply because I have been required to devote my time
and energies on what other people have told me I had to. And, since I have been
stretched in so many different directions, I have not been able to give 110% in
every area like I normally want to. For me, that is discouraging and
disappointing.
So please pray for
me. Because without God's help...I will drown. I won't make it. The thought of
3-4 hours of sleep every night for the rest of the semester makes me want to
cry and hide in a hole. And yet, that is the reality I face, simply because
there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything. So please pray
for strength. Please pray for endurance. Please pray for patience. Please pray
for love toward others who make things more challenging, difficult, and
frankly...more miserable. Please pray for focus. Please pray for rest. Please
pray for some form of relief. Please pray for the expansion of time. Please
pray for joy.
COUNTDOWN TO GRADUATION: 48 days!!!
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