I spent the last week
in Denton
From the outside
looking in, you might think that a life changing experience can't really happen
in one week at one camp. But witnessing it for myself, I can tell you that it
happens. It's amazing to see the transformation that occurs from the time the
students step off the plane to the end of the week closing ceremonies. To
witness students gain more confidence and come to the realization that they are
worth so much is such an incredible high. I had more of an opportunity to spend
time with students, which was something that I missed from the last program.
Having some time to sit down and talk with some of them, to have a glimpse into
their life and maybe offer a few words of encouragement, or lend a listening
ear...it makes my heart smile. And then I remember why I am here...
One thing that kind
of hit me this week was the reality of being young in my profession. Just
dealing with other people in my profession, I was hit with how inexperienced I
really am. It's hard to "compete" with older people, people who have
been doing this longer than I have. It was interesting, as I had to stand up
for what little I do know in my limited experience. Those nasty feelings
of inadequacy threatened to creep in, and were even able to at one point in the
week. I never want to come across as a know-it-all, but I am smart and have
common sense. So when someone older than me in my profession talks down on my
because of my limited experience, I really struggle with that. First, I hate
being patronized more than anything in the world. You really want to make my
blood boil, then patronize me. Second, I hate being wrong. Haha. That sounds
bad, but I work really hard to do a good job, so being wrong is like sudden
death to me. And third, because I do try so hard, criticism can sometimes
cripple me. Not all criticism is bad, though. I need it to grow and to learn,
because I have SO much to learn. It's just hard to receive when the person
delivering the criticism is hardly interested in my professional growth. I know
I need to grow a thick skin and learn to deal, but I think there will always be
a part of me that will be bothered by it. Oh well. Live and learn. My
experiences this week were definitely an opportunity to let Christ's love shine
through me.
What other news....oh
yes. My mom had surgery this morning to have her gallbladder removed. She has
had problems with it for several years, but has put off actually addressing it.
She went to the doctor this past week and he told her that she could either
voluntarily have the surgery or end up having an emergency surgery- it was her
choice. Thankfully, she chose to volunteer. The surgery went well and she is
recovering now, so if you could just pray that her recovery is quick with limited
pain, that would be great!
I also would like to
ask for prayers for my cousin K. She has been struggling with an eating
disorder for several months and things are not getting any better. She was
placed in a treatment facility and has fought the doctors every step of the
way. She has finally reached a healthy weight so they are releasing her, but
she has so much still going on emotionally, that I am really scared for her. I
am pretty sure she just gained the weight so she could get out, but has no
intentions of keeping the weight once she gets home. I have no idea what is
going on with her, but she is a very scared little girl who is hurting more
than anyone can really understand right now. Toward the end of her stay at the
treatment facility, she had begun cutting herself and had apparently carved
"too fat" in her stomach. The thought of her doing that just makes me
sick to my stomach with worry for her. There are so many deeper issues going on
than just self-image.
I can't even imagine
what she is experiencing internally. Self-image is not something I (thankfully)
ever struggled with. I grew up with my mom and dad telling me I was beautiful
and special. So to have someone who places so little value on herself is really
hard for me to understand. She is beautiful and she can't see it. She is worthy
of amazing things and is more special than she can ever know and all she sees
is a fat, ugly, worthless person. It makes me cry just to type this. My heart
is so burdened for her. Of course, I can tell her how beautiful she is, how
important and special she is, but she can't hear it right now. Please pray for
her. She is only 12 years old, and is dealing with adult issues that she will
more than likely carry with her for the rest of her life. Satan has a firm grip
on her, and only God can heal her of her pain. She doesn't know Christ, and she
desperately needs Him now more than ever. Please pray that her heart is
receptive to receiving God's love for her. Please pray that she can see through
the lies and deception and see herself as the precious daughter of the King she
is.
On a little happier
note, I got to spend the day with the sweet Nelson family! Nancy
