The afternoon that we were preparing to say goodbye to my brother in December, they held a flag ceremony in his honor. Because he chose to be an organ donor, the hospital honors the donor and their family for their gift of life. Because the number of people who came to see my brother exceeded the hospital's capacity for the honor walk, everyone was moved to the flag pole for the ceremony and prayer. And then a smaller group of family and friends walked with my brother to surgery. My parents, his wife, and I were with him to say our final goodbyes in the OR.
The following days were filled with planning and decisions for his funeral. I didn't want my parents to do that alone, and I'm thankful that Mike and his family could manage the kids so I could help them every step of the way. Intellectually, I had an idea of what had to be done, but I really had no idea the number {or type} of decisions that have to be made around a funeral. The Lord was incredibly kind to place amazing people in our path to guide us every step of the way. I can't imagine making funeral and cemetery services my career choice, but every person we encountered was absolutely made for the job they were in. They were kind and compassionate, and I'm thankful for their help in such a difficult time.
Ultimately, we planned a small, private graveside service that same week, and then delayed a Celebration of Life Service for January. There were so many people from varying parts of Michael's life that came to show their love and support: friends from high school, people from his days at DBU, and of course people from his church. And there were also people who came to love and support me and my parents: family, people from BSF, our own friends.
I am so thankful for the outpouring of love and support for my family. It was comforting to see how loved my brother was. I'm thankful for the opportunity to celebrate my brother's life; I'm thankful for my brother's life. I miss him so much, but I find my comfort in knowing he is whole and healed and resting with Jesus.
I am thankful to be on the other side of the service and the "formal closure events" of grief. To close that chapter of the "have to's" has allowed my heart to move past one piece of the closure process. I am still working out the rest of it. The rest of it isn't quite as planned and neat; it's definitely a lot more messy in my heart. Unfortunately, I can't plan away grief haha. But God is for me...
"You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that, God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid."
- Psalm 56:8-11
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