One of the hardest things I have discovered in this season of raising littles is the difficulty in staying consistently in God's Word. And yet I have found myself needing to cling to scripture more than ever. There have been a lot of ebbs and flows over the past few years, and Bible Study has seemed to look a little bit different in varying stages of motherhood so far. I certainly haven't figured it out, and have learned that it is just going to be a daily battle. But it's a battle worth fighting!
When the twins were born, we basically lived in survival mode for the whole first year. My normal routine of sitting down in the quiet, with a hot cup of coffee, and uninterrupted time reading my Bible was no longer possible. I tried. And failed miserably. Listening to the Audio Bible became my lifeline. Once babies were sleeping a little more, I found myself sitting in one place A LOT while feeding them. So we listened to the Word together during those 8-10 scheduled feeding times. I also listened to a lot of sermons, as well as several gospel-focused podcasts. And my sweet friend Laura also came to my rescue, asking me to do a Bible study with her. So then I could get into the Word with some accountability, without having to leave my house, which we were just not prepared to do yet haha.
After surviving that first crazy year, we were already preparing to add a third, and now Eli and Maddie were running around all over the place. They were sleeping more, yes; but my body was in recovery mode from all the lost sleep, and I found it really difficult to get up any earlier to have quiet time in the Word before the crazies were up. That's an excuse, I know. Full disclosure: I chose sleep during that time. So I continued listening to my Audio Bible. I also would read short devotionals before I went to bed at night. Definitely not the meat that I would normally recommend, but thankful for a small way to stay focused on God's Word.
Before Aiden was born, I got the idea in my head that I could be part of a weekly Bible study that I could join via a video call. BSF offers satellite discussion groups, where you can talk about the weekly lesson with a small group via a Zoom call, and then you can get the lecture and notes online. I was super excited to join this study! I thought, surely I can make this work if I can do it from home, right? Well, enter newborn baby #3 who wasn't exactly on a schedule yet as a tiny 3-week old baby, the craziness of 3 under 3, and then my unexpected hospital visit that just threw all of life upside down. I felt so sad to have to leave that group, but the few times that I actually made the video call, I had to be on mute the whole time because Aiden was screaming in the background, as I was trying to feed him without flashing my poor Bible study group. So not exactly the organized/focused study I was hoping for...
During that time, I continued to listen to my Audio Bible, and I was meditating a lot on specific scripture verses. As I struggled with Postpartum Anxiety, one thing that really helped was to have Bible verses taped to my walls and written down within easy reach. So again, not the in-depth, pick-apart-the-passage study that I am used to, but still a way to stay connected to God's Word.
And now? I felt like this summer I was finally emerging from the fog and chaos of new motherhood. And I was determined to get to a formalized Bible study. So I signed up for the Acts and Letters of the Apostles study with BSF, and I committed to get all 4 of us out of the house and to class. It has been HARD. Every Wednesday morning is nothing short of chaos. And I am completely exhausted by lunch time. But to be back in the study of God's Word, week after week, with other women who are earnestly seeking Jesus in this season of motherhood...it has been balm to my weary soul. I didn't realize just how much I had missed it. And I love that my kiddos are getting to study the same things that I am studying, just at their level {even Aiden!}.
So what's the point in sharing all of this? Part of it is my own record; being able to look back over this season of motherhood and "remember when." But mostly, I want to encourage any other mamas who might be struggling. Mama to Littles, I want you to know that you need God's Word to make it through this hard season. Don't give up. It's going to be a daily battle, and it's not always going to look the way you thought it would {or should}. But keep fighting. It's 1000% worth the fight to stay in God's Word, whatever that looks like. Use this unique season to choose specific verses to spend days meditating on. Post it on your bathroom mirror, by your kitchen sink, somewhere you will see it all day long.
This season is intense, and I know for me, it just seems like all you do is pour yourself out for other people. Which is why it's so important to be sure you are filling your soul so that you can sacrificially and daily serve your little people well. But Mama, give yourself some grace too! I had to let go a little of my "vision" of what Bible study should look like during this season. And I had to recognize that it is just that: a season. This grace isn't a free pass to drop God's Word or find some watered-down version of Bible study. But it is a recognition that God's Word is sufficient, and He is our strength and our shield. We can let go of the legalism of checking our Bible study box, and ask the Spirit to bring His scripture to mind throughout the day. We can find grace in digging back into God's Word, no matter how long it has been.
But whatever Bible study looks like in this crazy, unique season, I highly recommend having a Laura. Everyone needs a Laura in their lives {for multiple reasons!!} But what I mean by that is, make sure you have accountability. Have the friend who is going to constantly ask you what you have been studying in His Word. The friend who will walk through a book with you and have the craziness of all the babies in the background and love you when you didn't quite finish answering all of your questions again. The friend who will send you links to encouraging gospel-centered podcasts, or have an Amazon delivery sent to your house with a pretty devotional book. I am forever grateful for my dear friend, who is constantly pointing me to Jesus, and doing so in a way that lovingly keeps me focused :) {Love you, friend!}
Hang in there, Mama to Littles! You can do this. Cling to God's Word however you can! I promise, it's worth it.
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