November is National Adoption Month, and November 25th is Embryo Adoption Awareness Day!
If you have been around my blog for awhile, you know that we have 3 beautiful snowflake babies through embryo adoption. It's something that we love sharing about, as we are so thankful for this unique way to build a family.
One of the questions that I get asked most frequently is "what do you tell your kids about their embryo adoption story?" And it's such a good question! One we are still trying to figure out! The training/education we received while we were walking through the process was to tell your child their unique story. While embryo adoption is just now seeing snowflake babies grow up to be adults {so research is still limited}, there are a lot of similarities to traditional adoption, and the research there is quite clear: we shouldn't hide the story behind their conception, but instead, we should start sharing with them from a very young age.
We have been telling Eli, Maddie, and Aiden their story since they were tiny babies. Even before they were verbal, more as a way for us to practice and figure out what we want to say. Right now, Eli and Maddie can articulate that they were adopted, which to them means "Mommy and Daddy picked me out. I'm wanted." {Maddie says this a lot, out of the blue, unprompted, and it makes my eyes fill with joyful tears every time}. Beyond that, we haven't really mastered the details of their conception story. I mean, how much detail do you give a 3 year old?? The specifics of the process is still confusing to some adults haha!
But as they start to understand, remember, and articulate more in general, we know that more of those details are necessary. Of course, there are age-appropriate ways to describe things, and we know that they will eventually have questions that will help guide conversations. We certainly want them to know their unique story, but we also want them to know it's just a part of their story. I am thankful that we can glean from the wisdom of other families who have gone before us, and there are actually some really great children's books on embryo adoption.
So I thought that today I would share the books that we have read to help guide conversation with our snowflake babies. No book is perfect, and there are many different ways to walk through embryo donation/adoption {anonymous, open, clinic, agency, etc}. But I am just so thankful there are books out there, as they provide good starting points for conversation, opportunities for further discussion.
1. Wish by Matthew Cordell // This one is not embryo adoption-specific, but it is a good children's story for parents who walked through infertility. It's about 2 elephants that wish for a baby, but it takes longer than they hope.
2. A Gift for Little Tree by Colleen Marquez // Also not embryo adoption-specific, but a good parable about adoption in general. It's a story about an apple tree that is unable to bear fruit, but then the kind, wise farmer finds a way for her to produce fruit through grafting. This book is wordy, so definitely for older children...we'll keep this one in our library for when our kiddos are older :)
3. Ready Made Sweetie: All Mixed Up by Whitney Williams // This is a story of 2 cupcakes that would like to make their own baby cupcake, but they don't have all the right ingredients and have to ask for a "donor mix." It's a sweet little story that introduces the basics of donor conception.
4. Treasure Babies: How Two Under-The-Sea Families Came to Be by Whitney Williams // This is a story of an undersea couple who struggle through the pain of infertility. They discover the help that doctors can bring, as well as the beauty of shared treasure, which introduces the idea of a donor couple. This one was a little too much for my kiddos right now, but I think it will be helpful when they are older and understand a little bit more about their own story.
5. Made With Love: The Sweetest Allegory for Embryo Donation and Adoption by Whitney Williams // This one is similar to #3 above, except it is told in more of a rhyme {which is cute}, and gets more into the idea of a donor couple having "extra dough" for another family. I like how this book highlights how the "extra dough" {embryos} were wanted and loved by both the donor and recipient families.
6. The Pea That Was Me: An Embryo Donation Story by Kimberly Kluger-Bell // This book gets more specific on the mechanics, but still in an age-appropriate way. Actual terms are used {egg, sperm}, but it is still very basic for young readers. Less of a story, and more explaining of the process using cute pictures and peas.
7. You Were Made For Me by Sheri Sturniolo // This is a sweet story of a mommy and daddy who needed a little help to build their family {not having all the right puzzle pieces}. It walks through the sadness and loss of infertility, the process of seeing a doctor, and the sweet joy of welcoming a much-wanted baby into their family to love.
8. Before You Were Born...Our Wish for a Baby by Janice Grimes // This is the story of how a mommy and daddy bear needed help to have a baby, and how another bear family helped them by giving them embryos. More of a direct explanation of embryo donation/adoption, told with cute bear pictures.
9. Training Wheels: How Did I Get Here? by Chris E. Barrett and Sally B. Hunter // This is the story of 5 year old Miles who receives a birthday bike from his special friend Mike. Miles' parents explain to him that Mike's parents generously donated their remaining embryos and Miles was the result of their loving gift. This book has cute pictures and rhyme; I was a little disappointed with the informational quality of this resource, considering that it was produced by NEDC {National Embryo Donation Center}. But I still mention it, because I think this will be a good book to highlight the relationship with genetic siblings.
10. Snowflake Baby by Chris and Kari Stewart // This one is long and a little confusing. The poetry is definitely for older children. I still wanted to mention it though, because I think once they're older and have a basic understanding of their conception story, this will be a good book to highlight the importance, love, and even role of our donor family. This book walks through the original couple's story and how they came to donate their remaining snowflake babies to their neighbors, who were walking through their own infertility struggles.
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It will be an ongoing, evolving conversation, and I'm sure each kid will process their story differently. While these resources are helpful and certainly needed, we also recognize that we have a unique opportunity to express our children's story through the lens of the gospel. We want them to know and love their unique story, but we want them to truly understand how much they were loved, wanted, and prayed for. We want them to truly understand how their unique adoption story is a shadow of the adoption available to them through Christ. Above all, we want them to see how Jesus wants them, chooses them, and adopts them into His family.
