Carried for a Moment

Jack * Jill * Amy * Noah * Annie * Hope * Connor

Today marks the 5th National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day that we have recognized for our own losses. It's hard to believe that it has been 5 years since we received our official "infertile" diagnosis, 5 years since the start of our journey through embryo adoption. As I read back through our past remembrances {2015, 2016, 2017, 2018}, I was overwhelmed by God's loving-kindness to us.

Our journey through embryo adoption is one that I will forever cherish, because through it, we saw God's loving hand guide and form our family. Even as we rejoice over the gifts of Eli, Maddie, and Aiden, I still have an ache in my heart for the little ones we lost. The ache has certainly diminished over time, and I expect God will allow time to continue to heal. The heartbreak of infertility and loss will always be a part of our story, and I wonder how long those past pains will linger. I do know that the Lord has and will continue to use our story, and for that, I am thankful.

It was a long, difficult journey, one that brought its own set of heartaches that we didn't expect. But as I watch my babies run and play and laugh, I am thankful for all of the beauty God formed from the ashes. The Lord has healed our hearts in countless ways, and I am forever grateful for all He has done. It has been humbling to see and feel the Lord's redemption of our family. Who gets to say that they have 3 living, breathing, tangible proofs of God's faithfulness and grace?

So as I pause today to remember our sweet little ones that we carried only for a moment, I remember the goodness of God. I remember that life is a precious gift from our Creator, that every life has value. I remember God's loving, gracious hand that walked with us in those dark moments of loss and despair. I remember the hope and hurt and healing that God has used to draw us closer to Him and to show His glory in our lives. I remember those still in the waiting, the wondering, the pain, the loss. I remember that my God is able, more than "able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think." {Ephesians 3:20}