Screaming Out to God

Oh my gosh...I feel as though I am going to hyperventilate. I just finished my first week of classes and I am already ready to quit. No more. I am done. It took every part of my being not to run out of my classes screaming.

 

Normally at the beginning of the semester, I get a little excited about starting classes...even if it's in a geeky "I like my new pencils and new notebooks" kind of way. This semester? Nothing. I have dreaded this week since I registered. I feel as though I have had no break and that this is just a continuation of last semester, which was p.s. awful. I have never felt this way before in my life and I really don't know what to do with myself. I hate ALL of my classes...I can't even muster a little tiny excitement or "deal with it" attitude for any of them. I think the frustrating part is that I am taking 6 less hours than last semester...but nothing seems any different. I am still going to be just as busy, just as stressed out, just as tired, just as frustrated. Oh, and on top of all those wonderful feelings...I have to look for a job. grrr...

 

So this is the part where I scream out to God, cry, kick, whatever...because I really have already had a meltdown in the first week. Everything that could go wrong did. Everyone who could have been annoying was. Every situation that I would normally avoid threw itself in my face. I feel so impatient with everything right now and it is driving me crazy!!! I can't even pretend to put on a happy face. I can't even say I will try. I just need to cry and scream to God. Because I literally have no idea what else to do. Because I am not going to make it this semester without Him. At this point, I am not really feeling so confident that I am going to make it with Him....

 

Everything seems so overwhelming right now. And I am a person that normally can handle a lot. But I think that I have handled a lot for too long. Oh I have said I wanted to quit before. But I have always been kidding or only partly serious. The only thing that is keeping me from quitting at this point is that I have already paid tuition. I should be excited! But I am SO not. I should be enjoying the last ounces of my Baylor experience...but I don't really care at this point. This is so bad! I have never in my entire life NOT wanted to do something so much as I do NOT want to do this semester. I have a feeling this is going to be a long semester.

 

If you need me, I will be the one lying on my face in the back of the room screaming to God...