It's Crohn's and Colitis Awareness Week, and this will be my 8th year to participate. The last 7 years, I have been able to raise awareness while in remission. This year, however, my IBD story is more tangible, as I am fighting to get back to remission.
{IBD = Irritable Bowel Disease = Crohn's and Colitis ≠ IBS}
This year's focus is exploring what it's like to spend a day in the life of patients, caregivers, healthcare professionals, researchers, and other members of the IBD community. Everyone experiences their disease differently, and no one day looks the same for each patient. So if you meet someone with Crohn's and learn their story, it could look completely different from someone else with Crohn's.
As I recently mentioned, I have seen progress in my healing, but it has been slow. Just a few short weeks ago, I was experiencing these symptoms on a daily basis. As recently as last week, I was experiencing my symptoms several times throughout the week. But even this week has seen some setbacks. So while I have seen progress {and I am SO thankful}, I still have a long way to go before I am actually feeling better. And after an entire year of flaring, my body is pretty exhausted. Being sick all the time definitely takes a toll physically, but it also wears on me mentally and emotionally. I'm fighting hard to find healing, but there are a lot of really tough days right now.
The longer I go without being in remission and still experiencing symptoms, the more damage that is happening to my insides. And that makes me really nervous. Because that means complications, hospital visits, surgeries... and when I think too much about it, it can feel overwhelming and just plain scary. It can be frustrating, knowing that I am doing everything I am "supposed" to be doing, and yet not seeing the progress I should. And it's just hard having to start over with my healthcare provider. I have had the same doctor since my diagnosis, and I trusted him completely. Starting over with someone new, in the middle of trying to heal, is not how I envisioned things happening.
I think one of the hardest things about my healing right now is the fact that I'm a mom. Moms don't have time to be sick. When I was sick back in 2012, I was working full time, but I could sit quietly at my desk, make it through the day, then go home and crawl into bed. Now, there is no sitting quietly, no resting, no break. Mike does his best to help, for sure, but he has to go to work. And my kiddos still need me; it's just that tough life stage where being a mom is very physically demanding. They don't understand that climbing on top of Mommy hurts, or that resting, even for a moment, is a glorious {and much needed} thing haha. They have endless energy, and I basically have none right now.
They do know that Mommy has Crohn's and that my stomach hurts a lot. And as all moms of toddlers know, going to the bathroom is a group event, so they spend a lot of time with me, camped out on the bathroom floor, waiting for Mommy. Whenever I go to the bathroom now, even if it's not related to my Crohn's, Aiden stands next to me, puts his hand on my leg and pats it gently, while saying "Mommy go potty. It's ok, Mommy." It's just about the sweetest thing, and it makes all the difference when I really don't feel well.
I'm thankful for doctors and medicine and insurance. I'm thankful for a husband who tries his best to give me breaks to rest. I'm thankful that my symptoms are {mostly} better than they were 2 months ago. I am praying for healing, both from this current flare, and from the disease entirely {currently, there is no cure}. I am praying that this medicine helps put me back into remission, and keeps me there for a long time. I am praying that my new doctor in Virginia is a good fit for many years to come. And I am praying for the Lord's strength to make it through these hard days. I knew my health was never guaranteed; now that I'm back in this place, it makes me that much more grateful for the years of health I did {and hopefully do} experience.
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