Connor

Today we had our blood pregnancy test {our first beta}. We have done this 3 times before {waited for a phone call to see if our tiny embryo(s) have snuggled in}, but it wasn't any less nerve wracking this time around. And since we didn't receive a grade at the time of transfer, we have been desperately praying that our little one was growing strong and snuggling in tight.

Unfortunately, we didn't get the miracle for which we had hoped. The nurse called and my beta was negative, so we are not pregnant. There was a part of me that knew this hard news was coming, but there's always that tiny sliver of hope that you hold onto. 

So that is 7 embryos we have lost. Seven tiny lives that we wanted, prayed for, but didn't get to meet this side of heaven. So much heartache. So much loss... and even after all we have been through, the loss doesn't get any easier...

I decided to give this little one the name Connor, which means "much wanted." Again, we don't know whether our embryos lost were boys or girls, so I chose names based on their significance or meaning. This little one WAS much wanted, and we are sad that we won't get to meet him/her until eternity. 

So we have 1 embryo left. That's overwhelming to think about, that we have one more chance to add to our family. And then that's it. No more babies. 

We know God is good, and that He has our family already planned. So we are clinging to His grace and comfort for whatever is ahead.