The Babies Lost Too Soon

We are just a few short weeks away from celebrating Eli and Maddie's first birthday {can you believe it?!?} As my days are now filled with the craziness of chasing these two little ones, it's hard to imagine life without them. They bring so much joy, laughter, and love...things I prayed the Lord would grant, and things that now make me feel as though my heart just might burst from gratitude for the gift they are. 

But I cannot forget the long and hard road that led us to these joy-filled days. It's etched in my heart, and it's part of our story. When we first began our embryo adoption journey, we adopted 6 embryos. We had so much hope for these tiny lives, and {as crazy as it may sound} we were beginning to imagine our lives as a family of 8! Unfortunately, our grief of infertility would only be compounded by the grief of losing our tiny embryos. We lost 2 during the thawing process, 2 after transfer, and 2 to miscarriage. It was hard to imagine why the Lord allowed us to adopt and then never meet our tiny ones, but we were reminded that each life was precious to Him, however short they might have been.

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. All of October is dedicated to awareness, first declared so in 1988 by President Ronald Reagan.

When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes. 

Walking the road of infertility, I have met countless women whose hearts have been shattered by loss. The mamas who have miscarried, some multiple times. The mamas who have heard the fateful, "I'm sorry, but there is no heartbeat." The mamas who had the difficult task of delivering their babies who had already gone on to the arms of Jesus. The mamas who cared for their sick babies and had to say goodbye too soon. The mamas who had no warning and were met with indescribable grief. The mamas who have buried their children. In this broken world, there is just so much heartache and pain...

There are many ways that families choose to remember and honor these sweet babies throughout the year, but on October 15th, many families light candles at 7pm in their respective time zone in an International Wave of Light. The idea is to have a continuous chain of light spanning the globe for a 24-hour period. It's a simple and sweet way to pause, acknowledge, and remember.

Another way I personally have chosen to remember is to mention our babies names. 

Jack. 

Jill. 

Amy. 

Noah. 

Annie. 

Hope. 

Each a unique, individual life created by God. Each very much wanted, loved, and missed. 

So today we will pause to remember and pray for all of the families who have experienced the loss of their child{ren}. We will say the names of and remember our precious little ones that we carry only in our hearts. These tiny ones were lost too soon, and I can't help but wonder what they each would have looked like, who they might have been. But through the heartache and loss, the struggles {and now the joys} of our journey, we are continually reminded of how the Lord is faithful to hold us in His sovereign hand.

Blessed be His name in the land that is plentiful, where His streams of abundance flow. Blessed be His name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering. Blessed be His name.