Today I went in for another blood pregnancy test. Even though we know we have already lost our precious babies, they had to be sure my hCG levels drop so they can ensure I am healthy and that my body is returning to its pre-pregnancy state.
My pre-pregnancy state. It sounds so clinical. It is completely inadequate to describe the loss and heartache we are experiencing. And it certainly doesn't do justice to the life those sweet little ones represented. While we are still processing this loss, we are thankful for the sweet and compassionate care we are receiving from our clinic.
As I stated when we lost our other 4, we wanted to be sure our babies had names. Each tiny embryo was a precious life, a life given and then taken by the Lord. We named these precious ones Annie and Hope. We chose the name Annie because it means "blessed with grace." We were indeed blessed with the grace of this tiny life, even if it was for a short time. This name is our reminder that we are showered with grace from the Lord, and we still will bless His name, even if there is pain in our offering.
We chose Hope because of the hope and joy we felt when we found out we were pregnant. This name is our reminder that our felt hope and joy may have been taken in this moment, in this circumstance, but that our ultimate hope and joy in Jesus can never be taken.
While we are heartbroken over the loss of these precious lives, we praise God for the short life that He did give to them. I carried our precious ones for only a couple of weeks, but these tiny ones will not be forgotten, by us or their heavenly Father. We hold out hope for the day that we will get to meet them, along with their brothers and sisters, in the presence of our Savior.
We do not understand why the Lord would ask us to be parents to 6 tiny embryos and then not allow us to meet any of them this side of heaven. But we do not regret obeying the Lord's call to grant them each a chance at life. And we feel incredibly blessed to have been given this unique gift of parenthood.
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