Indescribable Peace and Joy

So I came to the conclusion today, that for the first time in a long time, I am truly at peace and have complete joy. For those of you who know me, and/or have been so kind as to read my random thoughts over this summer, know that this is HUGE. It's not that I usually walk around a depressed person or anything (because I don't, by the way). But so much has gone on in my life in the past years that it has been hard to stop and really recognize the peace and joy that only comes from God. But today I realized it in all of it's entirety.

 

No crazy event happened. There was no lightning bolt, the clouds did not part. I was just walking on campus and it hit me. I was at peace with my life and where God is taking me (even though I am still not really sure where that is). I was happy for no particular reason. I wasn't stressed (again, if you know me...a stress-free moment is rare). I was wholly content. It was an absolutely amazing feeling. And the fact that it just creeped up out of nowhere...and the fact that I really can't even describe it- that is only possible with God. He has filled my heart and it feels as though it could burst. Again, nothing has happened, no major life events...but it just shows how far God really did bring me this summer.

 

Now, I know myself. There will be days when I am stressed. There will be days when I don't feel very joyful or peaceful. But again, this comes from somewhere deep inside. Somewhere that can't be altered by changing circumstances. The funny thing is...it's always been there. It's part of the Christian life. It's just all the more exciting for me because I, in my own sin, felt like I had lost it there for a moment. And I can feel it again. It might have something to do with me surrendering to Him this summer.

 

"But as we do totally surrender, abandoning ourselves to Jesus, the Holy Spirit gives us a taste of His joy."

(Oswald Chambers)

 

 

Currently Reading: My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers

Looking Back at an Amazing Week...and Looking Forward to a Great Year

So I had an amazing week hanging out with freshmen.  I was a welcome week leader and it was so much fun! I basically had the most amazing group- they were really excited about Baylor and we had really great attendance. I was so impressed with them- they had more courage than I had my freshman year. I really wish that I had been more confident and outgoing my first year...oh well. They went all out, had no problem meeting people, and were a lot of fun. And they were all just really cute. We had some long days in the scorching heat, but it was so worth it. I am glad that I was a welcome week leader and only regret that I won't be able to do something like this again.

 

Today I started my senior year!!! I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to say that. Yesterday at church, Kyle had the graduating seniors stand...and it pretty much made my day. It's incredible that I have finally made it, but at the same time, I am so shocked that it is already here. A senior. Crazy. On that note...I am really looking forward to what God has for me this year. My biggest fear is that I will graduate in May without a job. But after this summer, I am stepping out in faith, just waiting to see where He takes me. I really am at peace about it. Also, as much as I hate to be a girl about it, I have to admit that I also somewhat fear graduating without finding the guy I thought God would have for me here at Baylor. It actually has been on my mind a lot lately, and I have really had to pray against it consuming my thoughts. It just gets lonely at times, that's all. And friends getting married makes it hard, Baylor culture is annoying about it, etc. But God came to the rescue yet again, and definitely spoke to me last night at the Candlelight Service. He reminded me of His love for me, and reminded me that it was enough. And it is. And there is nothing in this world, no one in this world, that could ever replace or fill that desire/need in my heart.

 

God has been faithful to provide a specific song or prayer each semester that He has desired to be my focus for that particular semester. A "theme," if you will. One of the songs we sang last night, God gave me as the prayer for this fall semester...

 

Give me one pure and holy passion

Give me one magnificent obsession

Jesus, give me one glorious ambition for my life

To know and follow hard after you

 

To know and follow hard after you

To grow as your disciple in your truth

This world is empty, pale, and poor

Compared to knowing you, my Lord

Lead me on and I will run after you

Lead me on and I will run after you

 

So this semester, I am passionately pursuing Christ. Not that I haven't before...it's just a different mindset this time. And it couldn't be more true that nothing in this world comes close to comparing to falling more and more in love with my Savior. I'm starting to get teary-eyed again just typing this...haha. I am just overwhelmed anew by my Savior's love and desire to have an intimate relationship with me. So in the midst of all the amazing things He has already set before me to start this senior year, you can find me running after my Savior..and if I am not- call me out on it .

God's Perfect Timing...And a Desperate Prayer

So it's right about now that we should cue the "I told you so"s. "I told you that God would provide." "I told you that God is faithful." "I told you that God has a plan." And you are more than welcome to pitch one in if you feel the need- because God's timing is perfect and all of the above is true. And I see that now. It took me a little longer to recognize it this time, but I think I finally got it. God did provide, He is faithful, and He does have a plan! I am specifically referring to the fact that I got the internship at Pendley! I can't tell you how incredibly excited I am!!! And I can honestly say that it's not just because I got the very thing I have been praying for. Because I can say in my heart of hearts, after this summer, that I was prepared to continue waiting on God if this one didn't work out. You may not believe it...and that's ok. I don't do too well with this stuff. But if you could see how God has been molding my heart this summer...

So I start my internship in September. I will get paid, and I will graduate on time! Which is always a nice thing to know for sure. I am excited about learning the business and pitching in whatever talents God has provided for me. Tomorrow starts welcome week training and I am getting really excited! I will do more sic 'em bears! in this next week to probably last a lifetime, but it will be lots of fun. I get to share with the incoming freshmen how great Baylor is, be crazy, and have lots of fun...what could be better than that?

On a more serious note...if you think about it, could you pray for my brother? God has really placed him on my heart lately. I love my brother. As far as brothers go, he's the best there is. But recently things have changed in our relationship and my heart is breaking. He's changing, but I can't say it's for the better. He's just straying a lot from God and it's starting to scare me. I have been praying for several years now that God would bring a godly mentor into his life, but I have yet to see that prayer answered. We hardly ever talk anymore, which is the hardest part of all of this. I could at least count on the fact that he would call and talk to me, even if he wouldn't talk to my parents. Now he hardly even sticks around when I am at home, so I never see him. He's starting to make some decisions that wouldn't be my vote on a godly decision, and I am just worried about him. I fear that the friends he surrounds himself with are only tearing him down, not building him up in Christ. I am seeing less and less evidence of a daily walk with Christ...there are some other things; just know that there is cause to be concerned. I'm sending up some desperate prayers for him and ask that you would join me...

Cool Stuff

For those who are wondering...I have an interview with Pendley tomorrow at 11 a.m. Prayers would be much appreciated! Could this be the long-awaited answer to prayer?!?! I am really trying not to get ahead of myself. It's a huge answer to prayer just to get an interview. Thank you, Lord! So we shall see tomorrow...

 

I finally got things settled in the apartment. I am far from unpacked, but at least things are clean, fixed, and cool. God has made me realize how incredibly spoiled I am to have air conditioning. I guess moving into an apartment that lacks a/c will do that to you. Let's just say I won't take it for granted anymore. I am finally financially settled. God provided a sweet lady in the FA office who took the time to walk over and hand deliver paperwork so that I could be settled in time. I unfortunately found out that my work-study money for the summer ran out this past weekend, so I have not been able to work this week like I had originally planned. While that money would have been helpful, it has been a blessing in disguise because now I have the week free for things like interviews, unpacking, meeting repairmen at the apartment, etc. It's cool how God takes care of us in the little things we don't even ask for.

 

I finished my spanish class today. I will never have to take another spanish class again in my life! I have been taking spanish since I was in 5th grade so I should be fluent, but sadly am not. So any plans of becoming fluent will have to be realized through an international experience. I'm still hoping that God allows that some day. I am glad that summer school in general is over. 8 o'clocks all summer has not been my favorite experience. But God pulled me through and I'm fine. I will have the rest of this week to get settled and rest before the craziness of senior year begins...

 

I will be leading a Welcome Week group- the "Sic 'em Bears" group, to be exact. I get to have crazy fun with freshmen for a week and I am getting really excited about it.

 

Classes start the 21st and I am taking 18 hours (yikes!) But the fun part is that all of my classes are my major classes, so I will only have to be in class for things I am interested in.

 

I will be working...and hopefully that work will be my internship. I'll have to get back to you on that one...

 

The BEST program starts this semester. Our syllabus was posted a couple of weeks ago and there is so much planned for this semester: meetings with CEO's, company visits, mock interviews, etc. Dr. Artz has already had requests from several companies for the BEST students' resumes. I am told that BEST students graduate with 10-15 job offers. This makes me very happy. I am praying about running for BEST class CEO...LOL. That would be amazing. But the really fun part is the team building and international trip. We are missing the first Friday of classes to go do the ropes course and have dinner as a class- how fun is that?!?! I am so excited to meet these people. And of course, who can forget the trip to Prague? I can't put into words how stoked I am about that trip.

 

I'll still continue at BSF and I am pumped about the Romans study. I read Romans this summer to get a head-start...and an in-depth study of this book is right up my ally. It's going to be challenging, but I know it will stretch my faith.

 

I will also be leading a Community Group this year at Highland. I will lead a small group of freshmen girls and we are studying through the Apostle's Creed. The study that the leaders did this summer was amazing and I can't wait to share it with these incoming freshmen.

 

My good friend Nicki got engaged this summer and I have the honor of being a bridesmaid! So that means fun times wedding planning, dress shopping, bridal showers, girly time, etc.

 

And of course I will be having a blast with my amazing roomies in our new apartment

 

So can we say "busy semester"? Haha. But I am really looking forward to it. Not only because its my SENIOR year, but also because God has blessed me with the opportunity to do and be a part of some pretty cool stuff. After this summer, I can't wait to see what He has in store for me this year. I am plunging into the chaos with an open heart to what my Savior has waiting for me...

 

 

Currently Watching: Little Women

Waiting...

Ok. I have determined that this waiting business is for the birds. I am waiting to hear back from Pendley about the internship for this fall. My entire semester plans hinge on one phone call- how ridiculous. Blah. I hate this. I have been praying like crazy and have just worn myself out thinking about it. And so now I wait. And trust...right? That is what I have been learning all summer...it's time to put it to the test.

Your prayers are much appreciated! Prayers for peace and patience. Prayers that God would provide this internship. Prayers that God would provide grace, understanding, and another provision if this is not His will...